To break up family over chores

A happy relationship is about teamwork. There is balance because you are both working hard to make day to day life work. Without that, it's going to be miserable.

You have to face facts OP. He doesn't care about your happiness. He doesn't care whether the relationship will last. He doesn't love you enough and, even worse in my opinion, he doesn't like you enough to respect you.

This is why you should separate. It's not about housework, it's about your worth. You are worth more than what he is offering. You are not someone's afterthought, you should be someone's priority.

OP your life will likely be easier if you were single. There won't be more chores - there will be less.

Do not feel guilty. This is all on him. He has chosen to be an inadequate partner and father. He is the only one who can fix this. And he is choosing not to.

Choosing to walk away will make you a better mother. You will be able to create a happy, peaceful home where you and DS can thrive. Your mood will lift, your exhaustion will be less and you will be the person you want to be not some tired skivvy. And DS will watch you and learn from you. Doesnt that sound nice?

Girl, leave. I did when I my son was 9 months and best thing I ever did. He ended up being as useless a dad as he was a husband and never saw our son anyway. It’s better for a child growing up in a happy single parent household than a miserable two parent one. Honestly. I’m

Of course you do. Ignore that man-pleasing handmaid nonsense.

You need to ask this man to leave today and mean it. Things are not going to get better with someone like this. Call on your support system, claim benefits to start with if you need to, and do the very best possible thing by your son in teaching him that men do not get behave like this and women do not put up with it. Your future son or daughter-in-law will thank you for it!

Sounds like you own the house you’re living in, so yep, kick him out.

You've warned him enough now, tell him to leave and that he needs to sort out his own place and you plan to go 50/50 with the child-raising, so he needs to find a child-appropriate place to live, that’s close by so you can share custody.

Once he’s living on his own, clearing up after himself and cooking and parenting and washing and paying bills etc, he’ll realise how easy he’s got it.

Its a very common reflection from women who dump lazy selfish men.
They unexpectedly find life less stressful.
Not always easier, but the stress of a dead weight partner dragging them down being gone, they found it easier getting on with it, now they knew where they stood.

Was he like this before DC? If so, what made you think he would change?

If you can be arsed to try to save the relationship: Make a list I’d everything that needs to be done. Split it into half. Give dh his half. Don’t do anything not on your half. Make sure you take into account the fact that you work longer hours than he does. See how you get on.

But YWNBU to end your marriage over this. He’s a lazy fuckwit who brings nothing to your life. He’s not an equal adult, and he sure as hell doesn’t think you are equal to him.

Of course he wasn’t like this pre baby. Because that was a completely different life without a baby in it.

I left my lazy ex husband expecting single life to be harder. It was SO much easier because I had one less person to look after.

You aren't at fault here. He is. He is forcing you to leave. If he loved you, he would share the family responsibility. He doesn't do it because he doesn't care.

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
It is so disrespectful.
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

Have you sat down together in a neutral pre agreed location. Seperately you wrote down
all the chores that exist. Look at them together and then divided them between you ?
Also do you let him do it his way or is there a particular way you like the chores to be done?

I feel incredibly guilty to leave DS without a dad over some fucking dishes.
He'll still have a dad, though. Just won't live with him full time.

I'm a complete failure at motherhood.
Come on, you know the parental failure here isn't you.

Why can't I just accept it for the sake of a happy family/I just want him to have a happy childhood?

It's not a happy family, though, is it, if you're clearly miserable? And while DS might not understand now, he'll pick up on it when he's a bit older. Parents together but unhappy doesn't necessary mean happy childhood, parents separated doesn't mean a miserable one. If you split up now he'll never know any different.

I'll have to do all this shit and more if I kick him out.
Well, firstly, you'll only have to do 2 people's washing, cleaning, cooking, etc rather than 3. And unless he's a complete deadbeat, he should have DS some of the time, so you'll have whole days/weeks in which you only have to please yourself.

Love this🖕

Cut yourself some slack

having a fun dad isn’t the same as having a valuable dad who can help raise a kind intelligent and considerate child

Realistically, your son is far better off in a single parent household with a healthy role model, consistency and a calm atmospheric than in a household with a deadbeat dad, taught to expect women to do everything and a constant underlying tension and conflict bubbling away. You're doing him no favours flogging a dead horse.

You also also owed more than begging a man to do the bare minimum while you burn yourself out.

The only person who benefits from you trying harder is your husband.

You are not thinking of kicking him out never doing dishes
It's the blatant disregard for you , your well being, refusal to be a responsible adult and my favourites phrase " buying his leisure with your exhaustion"
Don't have anymore DC
Bin

Separation and divorce is much easier on a toddler than a pre teen or teenager. Best do it sooner than later if your son is the priority. He'll adapt far faster now.

This is not unusual.

and shite.

give him the book for Christmas.

open up the dialogue.

consider therapy.

I have friends who turned it around. With the help of cleaners and housekeepers and Nannies and daddy’s being more mindful.

Best of luck

Yep. Cajole him into doing things he likes - which is probably nothing - while the OP is picking up everything else whether she likes it or not. Fucking hell.

This is about SO much more than chores.
You are elqving because he is fialing as a husband and father and doesnt give a shit and wont even try.

You are leaving because he'd rather watch you drown than get his ankles wet...

But I would be inclined to make one last try.

Maybe do fair play (google it)
And / or try marriage counselling.

Fwiw i could not live like this and would leave too...

Fair play opened my DHs eyes and we rapidly got to a very good place but he was generally a good egg and 100% willing and to try but was just sort of lost(?) or confused or some bloke shit...🤷🏻‍♀️ anyways he worked it out after i lost my mind a few times when oldest was tiny.

why does he get to do the stuff he likes to do?

I bet OP is doing a whole lot of shit she doesnt particularly enjoy

You are leaving him because of his lack of respect for you.

The disrespect and disdain with he treats you shows you he does not love you or value your relationship

Disrespect and disdain are perfectly valid reasons to end a relationship. The unreasonable position would be to stay in a relationship with someone who disdains you that much.

Read this
She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink | HuffPost Life https://share.google/icrTnMfGKk2uLMAlf

Also OP, it's very common for these inequalities to show up like this after a baby. Men often hardly change their lives. This isn't your failing.

' feel like if I kick out my DP I won't have tried hard enough.'
He hasn't tried hard enough, in fact he hasn't tried at all.