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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

20yo DD was home alone- 2 Proovia delivery came into house and stood over her until she transferred £60 into their own bank account- raging at response

258 replies

fanothetan · 05/11/2025 15:24

Delivery came significantly earlier than agreed, and these men were angry that I had not answered the phone. I work in CAMHS and never take my phone into clinics- . beside the point anyway, I had no reason to think I needed to.
DD knew nothing about the delivery so totally blindsided by how they were behaving. From their demeanour she assumed I had messed up. They brought the item upstairs (I’m third floor) came into the hall and demanded £60 because they had been paid to deliver to the first floor. True, but would not have been an issue if the delivery has arrived at the agreed time. They stood over her while she transferred it on her phone. Understandably she felt scared and did not argue with them, which was the right thing to do.
The response feels like a parody. I phoned and repeatedly ‘corrected’ with variations on ‘your adult daughter’ ‘yes, but she is an adult’. The initial reply to an email was a bald ‘the transaction was cancelled by you’. This was untrue and anyway are either of these responses the point?
After providing evidence and much to-ing and fro-ing there’s no dispute this happened and they say the driver no longe works for them. Having said they would refund the money, they are now saying they won’t, and asking why it’s taken so long to request a refund. Now it’s only £60 and hones, I honestly could not care less, but it speaks volumes and makes me extremely skeptical that any action was taken by them to address this.
The question is can I do anything? I have one of their full names from the bank transfer and their phone number from the repeated phone calls. Taking it to the police seems trivial if it’s about £60 but it’s not, it’s about grown men intimidating a 20 year old girl in her own home. It’s about an employer who clearly give no fucks at all about this and is happy to prevaricate and hand out platitudes rather than respond appropriately.

AIBU to not just suck it up and accept this is how things are? Or should I post the entire email thread which would be hilarious were it not so totally enraging? If there is a constructive way to get this addressed I might be spared an ulcer.

OP posts:
IcingOnTheTop · 05/11/2025 21:24

I’ve just googled Proovia.

They make it clear in their terms and conditions that they expect payment to be made to the driver. They would have accepted the £60 in cash, but I’m going to assume your daughter didn’t have the cash on her and instead they asked her to transfer the £60 to the driver.

Not sure why OP is making out they made her pay above and beyond when it’s clear from their terms that they expect payment at the point of delivery.

IwishIhadcheese · 05/11/2025 21:23

I would also tell them that you are going to the police and trading standards.
Get everything in writing.

Hope your dd is ok. Very scary for her.

MeridianB · 05/11/2025 21:17

I’d threaten them with police, trading standards, local and national media, social media, trustpilot. Every possible way to damage their reputation.

Squirrelandnuts · 05/11/2025 21:15

I think it must have been really scary for your daughter, age not withstanding.

Unfortunately, she didn't have the presence of mind to ask for the delivery company's phone number to confirm the amount. Plus, if there really was an additional charge surely, the company would invoice you.

In the interim, as others have said alert Trading Standards and the Police, after all who else have these men been doing this to? It sounds like a side scam that they have been running with people they perceive to be vulnerable.

Write a stiff letter to the delivery company, reminding of their responsibility/public insurance liability for their workers. That you expect an official letter of apology to you and your daughter.

If the money is important, ask for it a refund. Otherwise, it is of no import, the intimidation is the issue here.

However, your daughter needs to learn for her own good, never to transfer money to delivery drivers (or whoever), especially in front of them without checking with the company she is buying the items from. If, she is alone, she should phone a friend or you, so you/they can hear the entire conversation.

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 21:12

Getbackinyourlane12 · 05/11/2025 20:17

People are wild on munsnet 🤣

2 men intimidate a girl to pay money in to their personal bank account not company account if by the company.

” it’s her fault “
“ it’s your fault “

I know- it would be funny if it was any other forum but these people probably have daughters. If so, god help them.

OP posts:
MedusasHead · 05/11/2025 21:09

fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:58

they brought it upstairs, then demanded the money once inside the house. She didn’t know.

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This is disgraceful. I’d report it to the police and also email Anna Tims at The Guardian. She’s v good on consumer issues and has enough clout to sort out/shame them/ideally discourage companies from turning a blind eye.

https://www.theguardian.com/profile/annatims

Anna Tims | The Guardian

Latest news, sport, business, comment, analysis and reviews from the Guardian, the world's leading liberal voice

https://www.theguardian.com/profile/annatims

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 21:08

malmi · 05/11/2025 18:28

Presumably OP was planning to be at home to lift the item up to the third floor themselves. As implied in OP.

Well unfortunately delivery times are not guaranteed and OP did not brief the daughter to insist item be delivered only to first floor so it’s all done now. Better comms next time.

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Really? So the issue is bad comms my end. Notwithstanding the time was agreed or the behaviour of the men. I’ll bear in mind that male aggression is down to my ‘poor comms’ in the future. Always important to ensure a man can override the agreed understanding if it suits him better. Now you have pointed this out, the aggression is entirely justified. Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:58

BallerinaRadio · 05/11/2025 18:13

I don't understand why she didn't just tell them to leave it on the first floor if that's where you'd paid to have it delivered to

they brought it upstairs, then demanded the money once inside the house. She didn’t know.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:57

SanFairyAnnie · 05/11/2025 18:07

have you checked companies house then under people for the directors/chief officers name and contact details?

yes- but don't hold out much hope. The awful attitudes are probably trickle down.

OP posts:
ItsmeMargo · 05/11/2025 20:55

BauhausOfEliott · 05/11/2025 20:25

I’m sorry, but your daughter is A GROWN WOMAN. Stop infantilising her.

If you want to quibble the delivery charge, fine. Do that. But it’s completely irrelevant that she’s 20 and I’m not surprised the company are pointing out to you that she’s an adult, because she is. It doesn’t matter whether she’s 20, 30 or 40. She’s not a child.

Really? Two adult men demanding money from a woman – any age – and you’re blaming her? They are inside her home. She feels incredibly vulnerable… If you are claiming that you would say, hell no, get out the pair of you: then well done you. Bravo. But the majority of us would be incredibly intimidated and thinking that 60 quid would be worth paying to get them out of our house.

The fact that she is so young IS relevant, as she will not have the life experience that most older people have.

She took a delivery for her mum. Most of us would do that for someone we lived with. Then it went belly up she probably panicked… Can’t blame her for that.

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:54

PInkyStarfish · 05/11/2025 17:28

Your daughter could have made an excuse to go to the bathroom and call the police if she is not of the mind to dismiss delivery drivers.

Really? And sat in the toilet while two men have run of the house? And you would feel confident that they would respond in time? Surely the priority was for her to be safe, not the loss of £60!

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:50

CoraPirbright · 05/11/2025 17:50

Taking it to the police seems trivial if it’s about £60 but it’s not, it’s about grown men intimidating a 20 year old girl in her own home.

Police and trading standards. They sound utterly appalling!!

hadn’t actually thought about trading standards- good shout!

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:49

BuffButlerBumfight · 05/11/2025 17:20

She doesn't live on the third floor, there are (at least) three floors within the house. The delivery men carried the items upstairs inside the house.

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because I would have been home had they delivered as agreed, they would not have needed to bring it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:47

Kibble19 · 05/11/2025 19:57

So you knew a delivery was coming for a large item, but made yourself unavailable to take a call from the company on the day, when everyone on the planet knows that any large item delivery will include a call beforehand?

That would be fine if you had told your daughter that this item is coming, that there’s a bill to be paid and to pay it for you if they show up. But you didn’t do that either.

I’m not sure how they behaved in the house, or whether they were being dicks to her, but this whole carry on didn’t need to happen.

Bloody hell, I hope you are being deliberately obtuse.

The delivery time was agreed. They arrived significantly earlier than agreed. While it is a common misconception that Psychologists can mindread, surprisingly this is untrue, at least for me, but who knows maybe others can. Maybe you can. Just in case the connection is too hard for you, I have already said I work in CAMHS, CAMHS= lots of Psychologists. To clarify further if you remain confused, this last wee bit is called ‘being sarcastic’.

So, daughter had not been told because had they delivered as agreed my husband and I would have been at home. If you need me to explain why this is relevant, don’t hesitate to ask. :)

OP posts:
theotherfossilsister · 05/11/2025 20:43

Please report to police so it doesn’t happen to others. Also contact supplier and check they have terminated their contract with this company, perhaps other companies who use proovia would be interested in the police report too.

I’m incandescent for you and her. At twenty I would absolutely have transferred tje
money

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:35

parietal · 05/11/2025 17:18

That is awful behaviour from the delivery people and I think you should keep complaining. You could write to one of the consumer rights people in the newspapers?

Well, interestingly they claim they are not subject to any ombudsman or any other form of oversight. I have posted on trustpilot, and contacted the supplier who have been really responsive.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:33

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 16:29

Not if someone was wanting to charge me for them then no.

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wow. is it a bedsit situation you live in? And as stated, they demanded the money once they were in the house

OP posts:
AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 05/11/2025 20:29

If they'd only been paid to deliver it to the first floor, why did they take it to the third floor without asking for further payment first?

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:29

MaurineWayBack · 05/11/2025 16:25

Oh come on. It would have been obvious the delivery was for tge OP.

What would gave said if she had refused it agd the company had then claimed the delivery was refused and the OP had to pay £XX for messing them at ou d? That the dd had no reason to refuse a delivery that was very clearky for her mum….

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The delivery was for me, not some randomer so of course she accepted it. What she couldn’t have foreseen was being intimidated in her own home and forced to transfer money

OP posts:
BruFord · 05/11/2025 20:27

because they brought the item into the hall and she was now in the house alone with them. She was too scared to say no.

@fanothetan Whatever you decide to do reporting-wise, please, please impress on your DD to NEVER let two delivery personnel carry something up to the third floor again (in your house, it’s not a third-floor flat?) For her own safety.

If you have a porch, could items could be left there instead?

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:26

AlohaRose · 05/11/2025 16:18

What do they mean by took so long to request a refund? How long was it before you contacted them about the £60 charge? And are you actually saying that your daughter transferred the money into one of the drivers personal accounts? Can you do a charge back through your bank for this?

I only requested a refund after the events had been established. I thought it went without saying but it seems not!

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 05/11/2025 20:25

I’m sorry, but your daughter is A GROWN WOMAN. Stop infantilising her.

If you want to quibble the delivery charge, fine. Do that. But it’s completely irrelevant that she’s 20 and I’m not surprised the company are pointing out to you that she’s an adult, because she is. It doesn’t matter whether she’s 20, 30 or 40. She’s not a child.

Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:24

Porridgespoon · 05/11/2025 16:09

Not ones I have to pay £60 for! I'd expect my similar aged children to tell them mum was at work but they'd have to take it back until they could talk to her.

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Well done you! can you over the training module your children did for when 2 angry man land on their doorstep. I’d be most obliged. Clearly prepped and ready for any eventuality.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:20

MeridianB · 05/11/2025 20:15

It’s theft, plain and simple. No way would I be letting it go.

No way I’m letting it go!

OP posts:
IcingOnTheTop · 05/11/2025 20:19

fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:19

I honestly thought that the company would reimburse the money as much through embarrassment as anything once the company established what happened. They are quite happy to acknowledge what happened but seem entirely unconcerned, and as they can’t reclaim the money back from the driver, they won’t refund it.

The delivery company or the company selling the item?