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AIBU?

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Original poster

20yo DD was home alone- 2 Proovia delivery came into house and stood over her until she transferred £60 into their own bank account- raging at response

258 replies

fanothetan · 05/11/2025 15:24

Delivery came significantly earlier than agreed, and these men were angry that I had not answered the phone. I work in CAMHS and never take my phone into clinics- . beside the point anyway, I had no reason to think I needed to.
DD knew nothing about the delivery so totally blindsided by how they were behaving. From their demeanour she assumed I had messed up. They brought the item upstairs (I’m third floor) came into the hall and demanded £60 because they had been paid to deliver to the first floor. True, but would not have been an issue if the delivery has arrived at the agreed time. They stood over her while she transferred it on her phone. Understandably she felt scared and did not argue with them, which was the right thing to do.
The response feels like a parody. I phoned and repeatedly ‘corrected’ with variations on ‘your adult daughter’ ‘yes, but she is an adult’. The initial reply to an email was a bald ‘the transaction was cancelled by you’. This was untrue and anyway are either of these responses the point?
After providing evidence and much to-ing and fro-ing there’s no dispute this happened and they say the driver no longe works for them. Having said they would refund the money, they are now saying they won’t, and asking why it’s taken so long to request a refund. Now it’s only £60 and hones, I honestly could not care less, but it speaks volumes and makes me extremely skeptical that any action was taken by them to address this.
The question is can I do anything? I have one of their full names from the bank transfer and their phone number from the repeated phone calls. Taking it to the police seems trivial if it’s about £60 but it’s not, it’s about grown men intimidating a 20 year old girl in her own home. It’s about an employer who clearly give no fucks at all about this and is happy to prevaricate and hand out platitudes rather than respond appropriately.

AIBU to not just suck it up and accept this is how things are? Or should I post the entire email thread which would be hilarious were it not so totally enraging? If there is a constructive way to get this addressed I might be spared an ulcer.

OP posts:
RubySquid · 06/11/2025 07:33

Loganran · 06/11/2025 00:01

And that doesn't matter.

They would have still asked for the money, regardless, but a dozen bodybuilders could have told them to fuck off - whereas they bullied and intimdated OPs daughter into giving them money. Because they could.

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If have told them to fuck off as well tbh

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 06/11/2025 07:32

How did they behave aggressively?

They demanded the money that they were due for the delivery

We have a secondary account of what happened from someone who wasn't happy about the situation

"Standing over" and "intimidating" and "demanding" could easily be "two men who happen to be bigger than her and who are intimidating because they are male asked for the money they were rightfully owed"

If you feel you were treated unfairly then you go to Citizens Advice, that's what they're there for

soupyspoon · 06/11/2025 06:48

Unless Im missing something, and I might be, you ordered an item. It was delivered. The charge for either the table, delivery or both was £60. You werent in and not contactable but your daughter was in, so she took delivery of the table and had to pay £60 for it because thats the cost

Whats the issue?

You pay her back presumably?

They didnt deliver at the aggreed or assumed time but thats delivery people for you unfortunately. Good job someone was in to take delivery of it.

Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 05:32

Onautopilot · 06/11/2025 04:13

Sleeping StandingUp beat me to it...some posters on here today have decided to press Pause on reading comprehension. It's simple enough - the delivery men did not do as requested, they broke their contract in effect, and they or the sellers need to put that right.
Fanofthetan and her DD did nothing wrong.

Thank you! I’m amazed how hard it is for some to understand. Tne problem was the behaviour- if they hd turned up early but been civil, there would be no issue.

I’m appalled that so many people think objecting/hiding in the toilet/refusing would have been a safe option. And the ‘overreaction’ brigade remind me of the ‘but what did she do?’ ‘Can’t take a laugh’ ‘she should have been more careful’ responses from the apologists for male violence. The only reason this a problem is because 2 men decided to be aggressive.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 05:19

Vinvertebrate · 05/11/2025 17:14

I am confused about the floors. If you live on the third floor, why did you only pay them to deliver the item to the first floor (and why would it make a difference if the delivery had not been late?)

The delivery was early. Had it been on time my husband and I would have been home and brought it up. I would have been happy for them to rearrange the delivery which was what the messages suggested would happen if they couldnt contact me. Despite this, they went ahed anyway.

i never get heavy stuff delivered to my floor if possible, can’t be bothered with the inevitable moaning.

OP posts:
Onautopilot · 06/11/2025 04:13

Sleeping StandingUp beat me to it...some posters on here today have decided to press Pause on reading comprehension. It's simple enough - the delivery men did not do as requested, they broke their contract in effect, and they or the sellers need to put that right.
Fanofthetan and her DD did nothing wrong.

Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:56

SleepingStandingUp · 06/11/2025 00:31

The sodding job was to deliver it to the first floor, not to demand an EXTRA £60 INTO THEIR PERSONAL BAMK ACCOUNTS for varying it up extra stairs.

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And to deliver it at the time agreed. Yeah I’m a total cow for expecting them to arrive within the 4 hour window agreed. Totally unreasonable.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:54

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 06/11/2025 03:47

I agree that what they did was wrong and intimidating but I just don't understand why she couldn't have gone downstairs to pick the package up as you would have if you were there.

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It was a table- hence why my husband and I had arranged to be back home to bring it up

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:53

BadgernTheGarden · 05/11/2025 21:41

Sounds like a man with a van type set up, each courier is a separate entity, so you pay them directly. They changed the price when they realised that had to carry up two more floors. Why didn't they know where they were delivering to? You really can't complain much if the job changed partway through. They weren't going to leave without being paid because they've probably been caught like that before.

Edited

the job would have been as agreed had they arrived when arranged. They knew they were early and the messages sent (which I didn’t pick up) said they would deliver another day. That would have been fine.

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HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 06/11/2025 03:47

fanothetan · 05/11/2025 20:49

because I would have been home had they delivered as agreed, they would not have needed to bring it up.

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I agree that what they did was wrong and intimidating but I just don't understand why she couldn't have gone downstairs to pick the package up as you would have if you were there.

PollyBell · 06/11/2025 03:32

fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:12

They brought it up the stairs and into the house before they demanded the money

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According to you who was not there they 'demanded' the money, if the situation was video recorded and played back on here how many would see they asked for the money or they ''demanded'' it

Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:15

DierdreDaphne · 05/11/2025 19:58

Gosh the hard of thinking are out in force tonight!

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Once again…. They brought it upstairs then told her about the extra charge when they were in the house.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:14

ItsmeMargo · 05/11/2025 18:35

Oh OP that’s awful. Your poor DD. I remember how I was at 20, and I would’ve done exactly the same. TBF, if there were two men standing over me demanding 60 quid right now, I’d still probably do what she did.

I’ve bought things from companies who will deliver to ground floor, but then will charge extra for taking items further upstairs… But I’m aware of the costs beforehand and I’m always here to accept the delivery. Your daughter was blindsided, as you say.

I’ve no idea of the legalities of what happened. Would you be able to speak to trading standards, or the police on 101? I’ve spoken to ourselves local council trading standards department before and they were very helpful. Hope you manage to get somewhere with this, as I’m sure your daughter isn’t the only one to have experienced this. Anyone vulnerable – young women, old people - are easy targets for two men.

Thank you. I hadn’t thought about the local council.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:12

BallerinaRadio · 05/11/2025 18:13

I don't understand why she didn't just tell them to leave it on the first floor if that's where you'd paid to have it delivered to

They brought it up the stairs and into the house before they demanded the money

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:10

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 16:29

Not if someone was wanting to charge me for them then no.

Edited
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So what would you have done? They were already in the house, then demanded the money.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 03:04

ChuckleClass · 06/11/2025 00:40

Hmm...
I’m not entirely sure about this, OP. The story feels a little too convenient in places.

FWIW, my concern is less with the delivery team and more with the situation your daughter was placed in (by you). Most people are aware of how deliveries work, especially for large items that require two or more people to carry. A time slot is always given, and yes, they can arrive early, late, or bang on time.

Leaving the timing aside, I’m surprised you didn’t think to keep your phone on hand that day, even just in case. It’s the kind of precaution most of us take because you never know. Similarly, giving your daughter a heads-up about the delivery would have been a sensible and useful thing to do. Again, you never know (as we've seen).

Also, it seems you opted not to pay the extra fee for delivery up to your third-floor flat, which meant the item was supposed to be left at ground level. From the delivery team’s perspective, how could they be sure that your daughter wasn't the one who arranged the delivery, changed her mind about where she wanted it delivered, and now owed them £60 for the change in delivery agreement? Even if she said she wasn’t, they had no way of knowing for sure as she's legally an adult.

Of course delivery staff don’t typically insist on payment before completing the delivery. They’re expected to bring the item to the agreed room/floor first. So no, they wouldn't have insisted on the extra payment before delivering to your 3rd floor flat. That would have been unprofessional.

It’s possible they’ve encountered situations where customers tried to avoid charges, which might explain why they insisted on payment, which they're entitled to by the way. It's not really their fault that you didn't make proper plans for this delivery.

As I said, I feel for your daughter. It must have been frightening just having to handle something you failed to prepare her for. The way this unfolded suggests she was caught in the middle of a plan that wasn’t fully thought through. I can see how the “intimidated by two men” angle could be used to strengthen a refund claim but the company may be well within their rights here.

Jesus Christ. Once again.
There was an agreed time, they arrived well before this. Even if I had read the messages, they said they would rearrange the delivery if they could not contact me. This would have been fine. Instead they delivered early.

As I said, I was doing clinics and don’t take my phone in for obvious reasons. They were phoning my phone, the person who had arranged delivery. Had they needs to establish she was that person, they could have phoned her while she was there.

the plan was fully thought through-and would have been entirely unproblematic had they arrived within the severbal hous long slot agreed.

She’s 20. We don’t have weekly planning meetings. She treats the house like a hotel, as indeed she should given her age. Also, I tend to avoid asking her to do things because I can’t be arsed it’s usually treated like some massive imposition Again, age and stage appropriate but best avoided.

Can’t see how the demanding money into a personal bank account is justified.

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spoonbillstretford · 06/11/2025 03:01

fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:37

Really? ‘My not sure age is even particularly relevant here. I take it It’s the fact she felt scared by this that is blown out of proportion?
Yup, another of the ‘women can’t take a joke brigade? Woman left in fear, her fault for letting it happen. How about men stop casually using aggression and expecting everyone else to comply with what suits them?

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Indeed. Two men intimidated your daughter into paying money at home when delivering goods. It doesn't matter how confident she is or whether 13 or 53, their actions were wrong and appalling.

spoonbillstretford · 06/11/2025 02:57

YANBU, OP. I'd be fucking livid and would be getting the police involved.

Loganran · 06/11/2025 02:56

Squirrelandnuts · 06/11/2025 02:52

We can only be responsible for our own behaviour at the time. I wasn't there, neither were you, however your daughter was intimidated. A more confident person may have insisted on checking with you or the company first before paying up.

My suggestion was should she be in such a situation in future, to get on the phone with yourself or a friend to hear the conversation for her backup/protection.

As someone said, the men can't help their build, besides small men can be equally intimidating.

They very certainly CAN stand back and not stand over her though. And of course they definitely knew they were doing this, not a chance they'd have attempted it with a large bloke.

Squirrelandnuts · 06/11/2025 02:52

We can only be responsible for our own behaviour at the time. I wasn't there, neither were you, however your daughter was intimidated. A more confident person may have insisted on checking with you or the company first before paying up.

My suggestion was should she be in such a situation in future, to get on the phone with yourself or a friend to hear the conversation for her backup/protection.

As someone said, the men can't help their build, besides small men can be equally intimidating.

Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:47

BallerinaRadio · 05/11/2025 18:13

I don't understand why she didn't just tell them to leave it on the first floor if that's where you'd paid to have it delivered to

She did not know about the delivery because we would have been home at the agreed time. No partcylar reason for this, just hadn’t seen her, and didn’t think it relevant.
They brought it into the house, then demanded the money. She was not aware there was any extra charge until then.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:43

PInkyStarfish · 05/11/2025 17:28

Your daughter could have made an excuse to go to the bathroom and call the police if she is not of the mind to dismiss delivery drivers.

And wait how long while they have the run of the house? She would not have had access to the main door buzzer to let them in, nor could she rely on neighbours answering- we are 1 of 4 flats.

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:39

Porridgespoon · 05/11/2025 16:09

Not ones I have to pay £60 for! I'd expect my similar aged children to tell them mum was at work but they'd have to take it back until they could talk to her.

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Quite the well thought out response to something they never anticipated happening. Bravo!

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:37

Niallig32839 · 05/11/2025 21:44

Your daughter is 20, not a child. Sounds like poor customer service and a poor experience however sounds blown out of proportion to me.

Really? ‘My not sure age is even particularly relevant here. I take it It’s the fact she felt scared by this that is blown out of proportion?
Yup, another of the ‘women can’t take a joke brigade? Woman left in fear, her fault for letting it happen. How about men stop casually using aggression and expecting everyone else to comply with what suits them?

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Original poster
fanothetan · 06/11/2025 02:26

IcingOnTheTop · 05/11/2025 21:24

I’ve just googled Proovia.

They make it clear in their terms and conditions that they expect payment to be made to the driver. They would have accepted the £60 in cash, but I’m going to assume your daughter didn’t have the cash on her and instead they asked her to transfer the £60 to the driver.

Not sure why OP is making out they made her pay above and beyond when it’s clear from their terms that they expect payment at the point of delivery.

the delivery was paid to the first floor, which would have been fine had they arrived at the agreed time. I had no reason to look into a scenario I had no reason to anticipate. Even if they were early, the messages sent (which I didn’t pick up so irrelevant really) said I if they could not contact me, they would rearrange delivery. Pretty sure it doesn’t say ‘delivery payments to be made subject to hareassment and intimidation, paid onto a random personal bank account’.

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