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Original poster

To be so frustrated by IVF on the NHS

35 replies

SquashedSquashess · 05/11/2025 15:18

My husband and I need IVF to have children. We can self-fund, but I’ve been inclined to take our NHS entitlement first, after years of us both paying higher rate income tax and the significant cost of IVF.

My experience with the NHS has been:

May appointment: told we’ll be eligible in November to start treatment. We complete all the required forms and bloods. Doctor mentions my husband needs to be weighed before she sees us in November.

October: I call to ask about arrangements for my husband’s weigh in. It’s explained it needs to be done by a GP and emailed to the clinic. DH arranges this. A week later I’m calling the clinic, who can’t find the email with his BMI. I was cc’d, and directed them to the date and time it was sent. Told we’d now be given an appointment by the bookings team.

Today: I call to check if our appointment is in the diary. Apparently the doctor has today entered on my notes I need an AMH test. Fine. I ask when we’ll have an appointment once I’ve done that - mid December.

I ask if that is the appointment where I’ll start meds. No, it is the appointment where I’ll be told about the risks - which I already know, we discussed this at length in our May consultation as I have PCOS.

When will treatment start? Turns out egg collection can’t be done until March / April, and as I have PCOS I will probably be on a “freeze all” protocol, unable to do an embryo transfer for another two months I.e.: June.

I’m just exhausted at having had to repeatedly advocate for appointments, understand what’s going on, and having been given the impression we’d start in November it’s now going to be April with another 2 months until embryo transfer, which may or may not be successful.

I’m at the point of resigning myself to self-funding. Yes I know we’re fortunate to even be able to consider it, but I resent that I’ve waited to be eligible for NHS treatment, only to find it will be another 6+ months until I get to embryo transfer (if I’m lucky first time). If I’d known, I’d have just started treatment when I discovered we needed it over 6 months ago.

OP posts:
MC846 · 05/11/2025 15:48

It's shit OP I've been there, honestly just pay for it, the NHS moves remarkably quickly once you're paying and all these barriers to starting the treatment mysteriously disappear. We were messed around and nearly 2 years after initiating the process of starting IVF, we were still waiting. I paid and was pregnant within 4 months xx

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 05/11/2025 15:48

This is why I went private. I also went private for an investigate hysteroscopy. The point of contention often is: "Why should I pay private when I'm forced to pay National Insurance and have paid into the system my whole working life?" Because you're sensing fraud, and that's exactly what it is. The country hates unlucky people and doesn't want to help them in their journey to becoming parents. If you desperately want kids AND you can't afford to go privately, then you're often told any one of, or all of the following in no particular order:

"Comparison is a thief of joy."
"Why don't you adopt?"
"There is a reason it's not happening for you, don't disrespect nature."
"There's more to life than having kids."

It's all totally dehumanising and attitudes should change.

BettysRoasties · 05/11/2025 15:45

The nhs is slow at everything. We are on a 4 months wait to even get first appointment for a peads referral. I expect we will be no closer to an outcome this time next year.

If you can afford private always go private. The nhs fails when it comes to talking to each other and referrals. Despite being one body it’s like the arms don’t even know the hands exist.

Criteria16 · 05/11/2025 15:44

I had IVF twice with NHS and self-funded several more rounds before being successful. I understand very well what you are experiencing! It's constant and relentless: as it goes through several different contact points (GP, hospitals, clinic...) the coordination is so so poor that without you connecting the dots all the time it just doesn't work.
However, my advice is to keep going and go via NHS if you can wait. Reasons are 1) you don't know how many rounds you will need. Every round is very expensive and you might still need to self-fund after. 2) the waiting to start is the worse part and once you are fully with the clinic everything will be so much smoother as they will manage the process completely.

Good luck!

MangoBanjoe · 05/11/2025 15:43

YANBU to think they should be clearer with timescales.

Original poster
SquashedSquashess · 05/11/2025 15:40

Thanks all - today has made me decide to self fund. My point is more that, when I believed we just had a 6 month wait, that seemed worthwhile against the cost of self funding.

Had our consultant been clearer that “starting in November” did not actually mean starting the process, and that that would have been more like a 1 year wait, I would have self funded 6 months ago.

So my annoyance is in feeling I’ve lost time I could have been getting on with things myself. I’m 33, so don’t have bundles of time.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 05/11/2025 15:37

To add; if you get years down the line, with no child, whether that be failed IVf or whatever reason, will you be happy you stood your ground and waited for the NHS wheels to turn?

Or would you prefer to look back knowing you did everything within your power to TTC?

Its about what means more to you in this scenario? Which is the bigger driver for you? time or money?

MangoBanjoe · 05/11/2025 15:35

I don’t think any IVF should be on the NHS to be honest.

Self-fund if you can afford it and you’re over 33ish.

toomuchfaff · 05/11/2025 15:33

Self fund.

The NHS is a slow machine, some would say to weed out those who need/want/can move quickly.

You can self fund, why go through the stress "because we pay our taxes"; just because you"ve paid doesnt mean the wheel will turn quicker. You are blessed to be able to remove yourself from that stress.

Jellybunny56 · 05/11/2025 15:23

It is really shit OP, the wheels of the NHS turn slowly- particularly for IVF/fertility.

Depending on your ages, if you have the ability to self fund then I would be doing that in your shoes.

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