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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A knobhead or trying to bully a "foreigner?"

84 replies

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:04

I've just been to the supermarket and headed to the chiller section. A man was blocking the two doors to the section I needed with his trolley. His partner was looking at produce in the opposite aisle. They had a girl with them aged early teens who was wandering back and forward across the aisle. The man had a very unpleasant expression on his face so rather than politely ask him to move, I went to a door not blocked by his trolley and managed to get what I needed from there. The girl was stood in front of this door but seeing me approach she moved away. The man said:
"There's a simple word: 'excuse me' rather than pushing people out of the way."
I replied very calmly that I hadn't pushed anyone out of the way.

I could have added that "excuse me" is two words, not one, and that he was inconsiderate to block access to the chiller cabinet with his trolley but I chose not to. Much to my surprise, what I said silenced him immediately. I expected some sort of pushback. As I carried on with my shoppimg I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

OP posts:
PInkyStarfish · 05/11/2025 15:37

How utterly ridiculous.

Nobodytouchmywine · 05/11/2025 15:36

Only on mumsnet one can find such a ludicrous post🙄

RoseAlone · 05/11/2025 15:35

Oh for goodness sake 🙄 🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:35

Realrobin · 05/11/2025 15:31

I originally voted YABU, but I also know that there are ppl out there who will absolutely make a snap assessment of whether someone is foreign and this will affect their behaviour towards them. I think it's very unlikely that this is what happened in this situation. Maybe he just didn't expect you to talk back and defend yourself.

Yes, unfortunately there are.

You could be right about defending myself especially as my tone of voice was deliberately calm and quiet. My facial expression, however, almost certainly read, "piss off!"

OP posts:
RubySquid · 05/11/2025 15:34

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:04

I've just been to the supermarket and headed to the chiller section. A man was blocking the two doors to the section I needed with his trolley. His partner was looking at produce in the opposite aisle. They had a girl with them aged early teens who was wandering back and forward across the aisle. The man had a very unpleasant expression on his face so rather than politely ask him to move, I went to a door not blocked by his trolley and managed to get what I needed from there. The girl was stood in front of this door but seeing me approach she moved away. The man said:
"There's a simple word: 'excuse me' rather than pushing people out of the way."
I replied very calmly that I hadn't pushed anyone out of the way.

I could have added that "excuse me" is two words, not one, and that he was inconsiderate to block access to the chiller cabinet with his trolley but I chose not to. Much to my surprise, what I said silenced him immediately. I expected some sort of pushback. As I carried on with my shoppimg I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

Did you say excuse me?

WellYouWereMythTaken · 05/11/2025 15:33

Why would he have assumed you were foreign based on what was printed on your clothing though? He sounds like an ignorant bellend but I wouldn’t assume he was xenophobic based on that exchange.

yuol · 05/11/2025 15:31

just sounds like a bunch of dramatics from both sides.
people stand everywhere while waiting for others in their family to grab stuff in the supermarket, that’s not the big deal you’re making it out to be.
some people have resting bitch face.
Hoodies with different languages and phrases or places isn’t something people associate with the person being foreign, they’re all over mainstream shops.
he shouldn’t have said the excuse me comment but you should have just asked to get in instead of reaching through the other door.

this is a no big deal, why try and make it out into some bigger drama

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 05/11/2025 15:31

Man blocks entrance to chiller cabinet and gets uppity when someone alerts him to his fuckwittery.

I really dont think it was racist just because you were wearing a hoodie with italian on it OP.

Realrobin · 05/11/2025 15:31

I originally voted YABU, but I also know that there are ppl out there who will absolutely make a snap assessment of whether someone is foreign and this will affect their behaviour towards them. I think it's very unlikely that this is what happened in this situation. Maybe he just didn't expect you to talk back and defend yourself.

FeliciaFancybottom · 05/11/2025 15:31

That's a leap worthy of Neil Armstrong 🙄

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:30

Oabrbjr · 05/11/2025 15:27

People can be horrible in supermarkets. A woman once accused me of neglecting baby DS by taking him down the chilled aisle.

Bloody hell 😂

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 05/11/2025 15:27

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:25

They may be common where you live but you see very few where I live.

Show quote history

Are you honestly thinking a man was being rude to you and subjecting you to unconscious/concious racism because of your La Dolce Vita hoodie?

Are you ok? I dont understand the leap.

Oabrbjr · 05/11/2025 15:27

People can be horrible in supermarkets. A woman once accused me of neglecting baby DS by taking him down the chilled aisle.

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:27

SweepLovesSoo · 05/11/2025 15:25

I think it’s noticeably strange to go to another door and “manage” to get what you need because you think his face was unpleasant.

Perhaps he thought you were nuts.

My reading of his facial expression was correct - he was unpleasant.

And I managed to get what I needed by stretching my arm across to reach it.

OP posts:
DiscontentedPig · 05/11/2025 15:27

I saw a guy in M&S a few weeks ago wearing a hoodie with "KURWA" on it in big letters and I didn't for a moment feel tempted to bully him.

Onemorestepalongtheroad · 05/11/2025 15:26

To be fair wherever you choose to stand still in a supermarket you’re likely to be blocking some shelf or cabinet. Not sure why a quick excuse me is such an issue. Why didn’t you just ask him to move his trolley? You’re accusing him of making judgements about you based on your jumper but you’ve made one about him too.

Honestly I think most people are just a bit dopey and thoughtless in supermarkets I highly doubt he was aggressively blocking cabinets to keep “foreigners” from getting to the produce!

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:25

floppybit · 05/11/2025 15:17

Is this a joke? You thought he was being rude to you because he thought you were Italian? Sweatshirts with slogans in various languages on them have been popular for decades. I’ve got one with French writing on it, but I don’t think I will suffer racist abuse for wearing it. I think you must be winding us up.

They may be common where you live but you see very few where I live.

OP posts:
SweepLovesSoo · 05/11/2025 15:25

I think it’s noticeably strange to go to another door and “manage” to get what you need because you think his face was unpleasant.

Perhaps he thought you were nuts.

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:23

mumof5five · 05/11/2025 15:17

I think he definitely thought you were foreign, and hearing your (what I assume to be) British accent he backed down)

Yes, I'm English.

OP posts:
AmberRose86 · 05/11/2025 15:21

What are you actually talking about 😂😂

Original poster
AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:20

Pollqueen · 05/11/2025 15:17

Well if his wife was looking at the opposite shelf, he and their DD had obviously just stopped waiting for her so in a way he was right, why couldn't you just say "excuse me" so he/his DD could mind out the way? So in a way he was right and you were rude and no, he wasn't being racist

His wife wasn't looking at the opposite shelf, she was on the opposite aisle looking at non chilled produce so why block access to the chill cabinets?

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 05/11/2025 15:19

mumof5five · 05/11/2025 15:17

I think he definitely thought you were foreign, and hearing your (what I assume to be) British accent he backed down)

No he did not think she was foreign 😂

mumof5five · 05/11/2025 15:17

I think he definitely thought you were foreign, and hearing your (what I assume to be) British accent he backed down)

Pollqueen · 05/11/2025 15:17

Well if his wife was looking at the opposite shelf, he and their DD had obviously just stopped waiting for her so in a way he was right, why couldn't you just say "excuse me" so he/his DD could mind out the way? So in a way he was right and you were rude and no, he wasn't being racist

floppybit · 05/11/2025 15:17

Is this a joke? You thought he was being rude to you because he thought you were Italian? Sweatshirts with slogans in various languages on them have been popular for decades. I’ve got one with French writing on it, but I don’t think I will suffer racist abuse for wearing it. I think you must be winding us up.