To want to pack it all in, leave my job, husband and have an affair?

Will you be allowed to take the kids out of the country without him?

How involved is DH in your kids' lives anyway? And how involved are you? It sounds like you both work all hours and hardly see your kids as it is. I wouldn't be happy with that at all. Why put yourself or your kids through misery staying there? If your DH is a good man as you say he is, he will come and visit and probably get just as much quality time with them.

You're in a fantastic position. You are affluent, have good job prospects have healthy kids, are able to leave the country you're in - so many people do not have those privileges.

The affair is just a no, and you know that. It’s escapism, a thrill in an otherwise miserable life, but nothing good after the initial thrill can come of it. In fact, depending which country you are in then potentially terrible things could actually come from it, including losing your children to your husband. Not worth it. And as much as you think you know him you absolutely don’t. It’s a trauma bond. He also apparently wants to be living out there as well, so what would an affair with him achieve?

BUT the rest isn’t unreasonable. Life is too short and given that you’ve lost your mum suddenly and your dad being on his own now, I’m sure you see this more clearly than anyone.

If your husband won’t leave then you need to make your plans to leave with the children. I’d advise doing this quietly until you are ready to leave in case your husband decides to get nasty and try to make you stay, or starts to not take your unhappiness seriously as he doesn’t think there is anything behind your threats to leave. Again, depending on the laws of the country, taking the children without his permission might not be straight forward, so you do need to tread carefully in case it gets nasty (the way a pointless affair would make it nasty….)

The thing is, nothing you have said other than your husband wanting to stay says to me you are as trapped and hopeless and you claim to be. Your children also (apparently) want to leave, and money is no issue. So why exactly are you still there? If it was to support your husband I could understand feeling trapped, but then in the next breath you are happy to cheat on him.

If you want to leave then leave, but a classic mid-life crisis affair with a younger man is just so boring and unoriginal to be honest.

ETA: As money is no object you aren’t exactly forcing your children to live without a father. He can afford to see them as much as he wants, and the children might like to go out there in the summer holidays to visit. They wouldn’t be the first children of a divorce by any stretch so this doesn’t really hold up.

I’d go home, the three of you are miserable, it’s no way to live.

Three of you want UK; one wants to stay.

So you should go.

Well your colleague is also out there earning the big bucks, so he’s clearly somewhat keen on money.

are you able to move back? Your DH won’t prevent you? If so then on his massive salary you’re going to be able to afford a good quality of life on the child support until you get the children settled and find another job

This in abundance

Do you have kids?
Sorry, missed.
Otherwise, do what feels best for you in this life, at this moment.
Speaking for myself.

Don't have an affair, long term that solves nothing. If you don't like where you live make it clear to your DH that you are unhappy and intend to move home and either:
a) don't want him to come or
b) would love for him to come but will still go even if he doesn't

Then do it. Then give it time. Then consider dating if you want to.

Get a job back home and leave with the kids, your husband said you could so just do it. Tell him he's welcome to join you when he's ready (if you still want him to by then). There doesn't seem to be anything keeping you there, presumably you have money saved from that big income and prospects of a good job back home. Skip the affair, wait to see if you meet someone you like when you are free and not in a dangerous country.

You can always visit back and fore if it's all amicable, but you can't live there and he can't live in the UK.

So not expecting any sympathy, but would be keen to hear what everyone thinks. Should I leave and come back to the UK and detonate my life which on paper looks amazing but in reality is a gilded prison-like cage? I’m totally aware this screams mid life crisis but I feel quite desperate. I don’t want to hurt my children but see no way out,

Not going to be a popular response but I did exactly that, roughly 10 years ago. Blew up my entire life, and it was the best thing I ever did. I don't regret a thing.

Are you already having this conversation with them? Do they know the other issues?

So sorry you are in this position. Does your husband say why he doesn’t want to come back? Does he know the kids would be happier in the UK? Did he just outright say you can go but he isn’t or did he weigh everything up before saying that?
I think the answer to the last question would tell you where things are in terms of his priorities.
I don’t think having an affair is a good idea it will just add to your problems.

You’re grieving @middleeastmum86 in the midst of all of this and I wonder what impact leaving your dad behind is having on how you’re feeling?

Be kind to yourself and don’t ’go there’ with your colleague… that way lies upset for everyone, including you.

Instead focus on the issue of how unhappy you feel. Sit your husband down, make him really hear you. If he loves and cares for you, he will work with you on a solution that suits you both. Would you be happier living there if you did a different job for example? If not, can you agree a deadline with your husband for when you will move?

Id also seek some therapy for how you’re feeling about your mum, your dad.. and your husband. You might find that a lot of how you are feeling is bound up in those relationships and this will help you to process some of that and figure out what’s next.

An affair for a woman in a Middle Eastern country can have dire consequences. Just leave, not a good place to be bringing children up anyway.

It's a difficult situation, but staying won't be good for your children either.

You can talk to your husband and explain you are going back to the UK and if he stays that’s fine - you wil have a good lifestyle on his salary I would guess and if he then seeks a divorce so be it

you need legal advice, depending on the country you’re in, you mightn’t be able to bring the children back with you.