To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

Always put yourself and your family first, your employer would get rid of you without a second thought if they need to.

Just be factual, great job but the commute isn’t working for you.

Totally fine OP. People leave jobs all the time and it always feels sudden to everyone but you've got to do what is best for you. Just send a carefully worded email and make clear you'll make the handover as smooth as poss

They're being unprofessional, not you. Spend your notice period being obnoxiously chirpy and chatty.

They ignored you for the rest of the day? It's not the bloody playground, that's so pathetic and unprofessional! OP well done for securing a new job that is closer to home and will work better for you. No job is ever worth your health, happiness or losing sleep over! This time with your DD is precious too. They grow up all too fast and you'll never get it back. You're doing the right thing.

You’re on a really low wage for a researcher! Glad you’ve found d a better job - I’ve always worked in research and it’s not ideal with FTC etc

OP please try not to worry - I promise you that in a few weeks/months time, this will not feel like such a big deal. It sounds to me like you're slightly into fight or flight mode, and doing a bit of catastrophising. I very much recognise that, and when you come out of it and recognise it, it's very surreal. You've made a sensible decision and you're taking the right steps to move things forward 👍 the only way out is through!

Well done Op.
Just keep your head down, finish off what you can/do handover notes and use any holiday leave.

They can't dismiss you on the spot, they can be d*cks to you in their tone and attitude, but that is their problem not yours - ignore it. Ultimately people leave, sometimes after a short while. Do wait until you've signed a contract and had all the paperwork, but then politely and calmly explain you've been offered a role you can't refuse due to the location, finances and perm contract. Thank them for your time there, say (lie) that you've enjoyed it but this is an offer that's too good to be true, commit to doing a professional handover and don't apologise because you've done nothing wrong - this is a classic "let them" situation. You've done nothing wrong, your boss being annoyed at having
to replace you is absolutely not your problem. They have the right to be frustrated at the situation, they do not have the right to be horrid to you, and if they are it is completely not your fault or reflective of you - it's all on them, because this is a normal work situation and they should remain professional and civil, if they don't, they're at fault.
It really saddens me so many people get so stressed about "upsetting" a random boss/acquaintance/school parent/parents in law by doing totally normal, completely reasonable things. We are not responsible for ensuring everyone, everywhere is happy and nobody should sacrifice their own reasonable happiness or personal choices because it might not be ideal for someone else. You know this is totally reasonable and it's why people have notice periods - don't give it a second thought or allow it to cloud your excitement for the new job!!

Well done OP! The hard part is over, ride out your notice and congrats on your new job!!

You have done nothing wrong. Nothing underhanded and you have nothing to worry about. The fact you're this worried confirms it is the wrong place to work, and that's without the long list of perfectly acceptable reasons!

You do nothing until you have the offer in writing and better still, a signed contract.

You then write a short polite letter and email it to line manager/team leader. They are not owed an explanation. People leave/change roles all the time and they wouldn't blink twice at making you redundant if they had to. If they push, tell them you've found a role closer to home. Do not list your complaints. Bad as it was, you never burn bridges.

Dear Team Leader
i am writing to inform you of my resignation. My notice period is X. My final day is X.

I have enjoyed working with the team here and thank you for your support.

Yours Sincerely

If they want you gone then they need to pay your notice period. Just crack on, explain commute is too much. TBH commute will only get worse over winter!

Have you accrued leave?

Organisations rarely give two hoots if they need to thin out staff. Resign. Nice letter. Work your notice and focus on your daughter and new job.

Get a grip OP. You're all adults and it's just business. If you died tomorrow they would just replace you anyway. There's more to life than just work, but it does take up a significant portion of it and it's important to be happy.

Look at it this way. If they wanted you gone you’d get the pink slip and off you’d go, there is very little (any?) corporate loyalty any more. Just make it short and sweet, you’ve enjoyed your time there (even if you didn’t) but you didn’t realize the commute would be so hard.

From someone who did exactly this last Friday, I felt really bad. But my new job is a 5 minute walk round the corner from my house instead of a half hour drive at 12 at night. Made even worse by the fact Im the 4th person to hand their notice in, in 2 weeks. But me and my family come first. And it's for the same amount of hours and money. But I'll be saving in the long run on fuel cost, car repairs etc etc. You need to do what's right for you. At the end of the day we are all just a number.

This^^

one thing I learned in a 30 year career. Business is never really personal.

you owe them nothing. What you owe is yourself some sanity. Get the new contract signed then give notice. Keep it neutral you don’t have to tell them why if you don’t want to- literally sorry it’s not working out for me.

If it was me I would also put a report to HR about the supervisor asking about pregnancy and say you didn’t appreciate that either. The comments were discriminatory and inappropriate and you hope that no one else has to be made to feel awkward with that.

then go for your new role and enjoy your life.

your current time sounds DIRE. Feel glad you no longer have to suffer that dreadful misery and commute. It’s insane especially for below average pay.

You’re being unreasonable for giving this much of a shit about a job you’ve been in for less time than I’ve owned several jars of chutney, which has negatively impacted your home life that much.

You need to do what is best for you and your family. End of. So why feel guilty? When you took on that role you had no idea a job was going to open up in your old company.

Dont resign til your new contract is signed.

So what if they immediately dismiss you? You already resigned. Its unlkely you need a reference for your new role as you worked there before. Loyalty to employers in a capitalist society is largely misplaced, They would shed an employee in a heartbeat if their business needs changed.

You don’t really need to give a reason. Just say an amazing opportunity came up that was unexpected but too good to refuse and you wish them all well

Just remember not to burn your bridges just in case the new contract falls through... (I've had that happen!).

Just be honest with your boss, tell him you LOVE your job at the company, but the commute is getting exhausting and it is having a huge impact on your child, so with regret you are handing your notice in as you have accepted a job much closer to home.

Just email them and say it , that’s what I did and all in writing then as well.

Just to agree with all the good advice youv'e had on here already.

I think it's perfectly okay to acknowledge that this isn't ideal from their perspective but that you have to prioritise your family and career and this new role really does just work better after what has been, logistically, a tough few months for you.