To not want pets !

I grew up with dogs…..and I love dogs, but have never wanted to have my own as an adult.
A dog is way more work than I’m willing to put in, so I’ve always had cats instead. As long as they’re fed and have a clean litter tray (or better - do their business outside!) they don’t really require much care like other pets do.
DH would love a dog, so would the DCs….but I’ve convinced DH that if we’ve got a dog, then we can’t go on the spontaneous weekends away that we love because we’d have to have someone to look after the dog! With a cat, we use a timed feeder, a water fountain that constantly flows and as long as the tray is clean before we leave, it will be fine for a couple of days.

Pets aren't compulsory, they are a huge responsibility and can be a big expense. Don't give way!

I think it's fine to veto it if you're really not keen.

If anyone has allergies then there's not justification for any type of pet they are likely to be allergic to.

I don't really think kids who don't have pets are missing out on much. We knew a couple who 'allowed' their cat to have one litter of kittens because it would be an 'interesting experience' for their children. Was it an interesting experience for the cat? Was it traumatic experience for the cat when the kittens were sold? Did that element get covered by the learning journey the kids went on?

Interesting point.

We grew up with gerbils (as kids and then for our DCs). Gorgeous, magical creatures, but high maintenance if you’re giving them a good life.

We now have two cats who are literally the centre of our world - me, DH and two adult DCs. I was indifferent to cats when we got our first, but the love hit me like a train, and a year later I pushed to get another (who get on great).

Pets make a home in our house, grew up with a dog-mad mum and do love them, but as an adult I've had cats. We've inherited a tortoise now too, which require more work than people think.

But they're a bind. I've not been on a holiday for years because I refuse to put a cat in a cattery and the cat we have now is petrified of everything and everyone, so I couldn't have a feeder (neighbour) come in.

Pets, if a child wants one, can teach them responsibility and kindness but in reality it's normally the parent who really looks after them. So I say no, please do not get a pet if you, the carer, do not want one. It's kinder on you and also the animal. Stand your ground!

Just as a side, there are things hubby and child can do if want animals in their lives or want to teach children kindness, you can foster (short bursts of animals in the house and no ties) and it used to be the case that rescue centres were crying out for dog walkers and helpers. Also, if a child gives up every Sat/Sunday to go walk or help muck out and feed, then it may be worth considering a pet at home too because proven to be keen and responsible.

I'm on the fence with this, pets/animals have always been a huge part of my life. Grew up on a farm, my career involves animals etc.
However you are 100% right in that they are a massive tie and extra work which generally a busy family life can do without. If you don't really want one please don't get a dog as you'll massively resent the amount of work/mess etc. But I do think if the kids and your DH want a pet you're being a bit unreasonable and they are missing out.

Pets are an expensive nightmare and not worth it at all. They can be borrowed from friends or strangers eg on pet sitting websites where you can be paid to take them off peoples hands. It is totally unfair to try to insist someone has one

Most women I know are the ones that do pretty much all the pet care, all were told it was ‘good for the children’, I’d say I know three people where the kids actively participate without being bribed/ forced. My son doesn’t have to be pushed too much to walk the dog but would never think of doing it. I adore our dog but will never get one when he’s gone

I have allergies and can't have cats or dogs sadly. My children would have loved a dog and we would probably have had one if my allergies weren't so bad. Instead we had rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters and gerbils - I'm still allergic but it's manageable with small mammals and I only got a reaction from cleaning out cages/hutches which was ok if I took an antihistamine. I do think children benefit from having little creatures to care for and love.

I can see both sides.

I was never allowed pets as a child and I wanted one (I had a fish once but that’s it).

As a result I don’t ‘like’ animals. As in, I obviously don’t wish them harm or anything, but I’m not drawn to them and I’m not an ‘animal person’. If it was in a room with a dog or cat for example, it wouldn’t bother me but I wouldn’t stroke it or pet it or play with it. It wouldn’t really register with me.
I don’t want that for my kids.

I want them to experience it and learn to be around animals, to care for others and take responsibility, but the pet has to be right for everyone. I’ve never been able to think of one that is right for us, so I have to keep saying no to getting one.

If there are allergies involved, I absolutely think that this needs to be taken into consideration.

I think the best money I've ever spent was on our pups. We got two when our youngest was 4 months old. Our kids adore them. They can be annoying the hell out of each but then be immediately united in laughing at something one of the dogs has done. One is very cuddly so if anyone is upset they get passed the pooch for a cuddle. We've had other pets but the dogs are the best.

So I would be in get a pet camp if your DH is willing to do the work. He can't expect pets and then expect you to do the work. Depends if you trust him to do it.

Pets enrich your life so I do think your DCs are missing out. That being said, no one can have everything they want and they are probably missing out on lots of other things.

But I disagree it's the same situation as having a baby. You've got a veto only if your allergies prevent you from having a pet, otherwise there's always room for discussion and compromise.

I couldn't live in a home without pets. All my life we have had pets. There is not one single con in loving an animal and it being part of your family.

But it's a choice and I'd rather a person didn't get a pet if they don't want one.

Far to many pets end up in rescue centres or mistreated because people take them on when they shouldn't. There are plenty of people who should not be allowed to have pets.

My dad grew up with dogs (poodles) but my mum wasn’t keen so we never had any pets, and I do think that was a shame. But your allergies are key here - absolutely you shouldn’t get any pet you’re allergic to!

Have you always said you don't want pets or have you been non committal.

I don't agree with you completely on the baby thing. Plenty of people say their open to children to secure a partner, and then run down the clock and then say no when the other party feels it's too late to find someone else. Quite frankly I find using a veto in those circumstances morally reprehensible. And although it wouldnt be right to have a baby in those circumstances let's not pretend it's ok or acceptable behaviour to do.

A house without pets is a sad house IMO but I grew up with all sorts of pets, cats, dogs, rodents, horses, insects 😳. We had cats for years, but my DH started WFH full time so we got our dog and she’s literally the middle cog of our family - adorable 🥰
I think if your DH takes responsibility for feeding, vets, walking if a dog then why not !

Have you asked him how he plans to provide all daily care for the pet? To ensure he is there for every meal / outing / vet visit?

How does he propose to manage your allergies? Is he expecting you to suffer or is he proposing goldfish / a hairless animal?

I can see both sides. I grew up with and love animals. My DH didn't. DD desperately wanted a pet.
Unfortunately we lived abroad for most of her childhood and it wasn't practical. She had fish and stick insects.
We came back to England and we agreed to get a puppy.
I didn't rush into it and researched the breed and finally 18 months later we brought him home.
Dd loved him until it became clear that she really did need to walk and pick up his poo.
She's been away at uni for 5 years. I still adore him, husband is kind enough but a bit meh towards him.
He is a huge tie and financially draining but we are responsible for him for at least another 8 years.

Depends on 2 things. Firstly, how bad are your allergies? If they exclude every pet then yep, that's the end of the conversation. But that's unlikely. The second is do your kids want pets? If as a family, you are the odd one out, then I think you're being unreasonable. Surely there has to be a compromise.

He is right to a large extent - teaching kids to love and care for a pet whilst also teaching them responsibilities it comes with is both rewarding and good for teaching discipline. Wouldn't you rather they spent time with a pet than a screen?

YANBU. I don't want any pets either. I did have them when I was a kid, and yes, my mum did end up taking care of them when the novelty wore off. My DS wants a pet and I know I'll end doing all the things like feeding it and cleaning it. And I don't want to. I have enough on my plate.

Plus, we don't really have enough spare cash to properly care for an animal. And it would be limiting on us if we spontaneously decided to stay out all day or go on a trip.

There are so many cons to having a pet and nowhere near enough pros.

The kids can have as many pets as they like when they're grown up and live on their own.

Missed but about allergies- in that case, hard no. I know people say they just take antihistamines but I wouldn’t want to be routinely taking medication that I could avoid taking by simply not having the pet in the first place

I've been the one vetoing a dog here, despite the fact that both DH and DS want one. I would end up doing most of the gruntwork, and I don't want a pet of any kind, at all. Not even a goldfish.