To not want pets !

I think you are both unreasonable not to have discussed and agreed earlier in your relationship. I'm not convinced that the best compromise is everything the way you want it.

I do think that dc without pets are missing out, but all dc miss out on something.

I'm pretty sure I live in a home despite the absence of mammals.

I grew up with various pets, and DH didn't. If I lived with someone keen who would whole-heartedly share the responsibility, I'd happily have some, but I wouldn't be prepared to take on the commitment, time, training and general cleaning. DS2 would like cats/ dogs. DS1 doesn't want pets. DH doesn't mind dogs but has no drive to have one. So it's not going to happen. I wouldn't want it to be a chore that falls on me. It needs to be everyone buying in to the commitment.

There's far too many people out there who take on pets that they're not prepared to invest the commitment and responsibility in. It's not good for the animals and it's not good for society.
Animals aren't a novelty accessory.

Wouldn't you rather they spent time with a pet than a screen?

It doesn't have to be one or the other, you know. There are other things to do - that might be more difficult if someone always has to get home to see to the pet.

i am of the 'a pet makes a house a home' mind set Im afraid.

I am with you on not getting a pet you are allergic to, or that you would end up having to care for.

However the appearance of your house? Sorry.. pardon? Its not just your house is it, it's your families home. Surely the happiness of those who live there is more important than appearance?

I have dogs, which are certainly not for everyone.

I also have dart frogs which are great - they live in a biologically appropriate viv, live plants, heating built in, mister system to keep it humid..

Yes, it was expensive to set up - but now, we just feed daily, make sure the water reservoirs are topped up, and prune the plants once every few weeks. We get to enjoy silly froggy antics (they are very comical once they know you and will come out and see you) and the tank to my mind looks pretty attractive, basically being a glass box with a living jungle inside.

I do think kids get a lot from looking after animals, and certainly better for them to learn this now than as young adults in their own first homes, where mistakes are typically made and its the animal that suffers.

I’ve always grown up with dogs, cats and even tortoises when young, and would find it impossible without pets, however my DH is the same so it’s all good. I think both people have to be on board for the commitment as it’s hard work at times and a financial commitment and impacts your freedom. Not sure what would have happened if I hadn’t ended up with someone as animal/pet crazy as me. Probably would have fizzled out as it’s such a huge part of who I am. However there’s nothing wrong if it’s not your cup of tea and that should be respected. Maybe a goldfish as a compromise if he’s really desperate?

Do your DC want pets?

Just because you are allergic doesn’t mean it needs to impact them having pets or animals in their life. They don’t have to be ones you are allergic to, or live in the house. I’ve got coeliac disease but that doesn’t mean I get to veto the family having gluten, we just find a way around it that works.

I'm allergic to some cats but don't know if it's the 'wrong sort' of cat until it's too late. Sneezing isn't too much of a problem but feeling like my eyes are being scratched and stabbed by needles is awful. I'd like a cat but I just can't risk having one.

As the person who has vetoed another dog, i hear you. The allergies are also a legitimate concern. I do think however that a pet os lovely dor the children so I would personally ve looking at ehat non allergenic, low maintenance options there are and making it clear to dh and the dc that this pet is 100% their responsibility.

Because yesN it does land on the women mostly and that's bloody annoying.

When a stray cat started visiting my garden 3 and a half years ago and kept trying to jump on my lap, and basically decided this was his new house I sneezed for about 9 months. Now he happily sleeps next to my pillow and I have had another 16 random feral, barn and stray cats through my garden and house and am currently looking for a new house which absolutely must have a good secure barn to house the remaining ones properly and all the future cats that will no doubt find us when we move.

Having a pet changes your life and outlook. I wouldn't discount it just for the sneezing.

Start them off with some sea monkeys, if they can show they can look after them maybe they can upgrade to something else.

it is not unreasonable to exclude anything you are allergic to

I don't think you should have a pet you're allergic to, but surely there must be an animal you aren't allergic to, as some kind of compromise?

Snake. Bloody brilliant.

I'll only have an animal in my house in the future when AI invents a hair/smell/poo/fart/illness/exercise/vet free dog. 😊

I don't hate pets but I could never have them. I'm far too independent to be bossed around by a dog that needs walking twice a day come hail rain or snow, and I'd hate the lack of spontaneity in being able to up sticks and go away or do things at short notice, and the expense if I'm really honest.

I'll leave others to it. Think long and hard OP.

I’m with you. I’m allergic to fur and just don’t like animals. Don’t want anything else to look after either. No thanks.

We have a houseful and a farm full! It’s pretty much a full time job in itself.
Everyone in the family really needs to be onboard when it comes to pets.

They aren’t missing out, and you have every right to say no. And that trumps everything, you need unanimity.

I had 2 dogs when i got together with my husband so obviously if he had an issue he could jog on 😂
Theyve since passed away. We now have 2 horses, 2 dogs, 5 rabbits, a hamster, a lizard and fish.
Im allergic to dogs, horses, hay (among other things) and im constantly medicated. Poor guy comes home and has no idea if there will be a new pet or not because i never ask. Difference is i fund all of them and i do all of the work involved.
If its going to fall to you, then its your decision to say yes or no. Its unfair to put unwanted responsibility onto you.

I had this for a while but the conversation stopped when I made it very clear that I would absolutely not do anything for a dog. I wouldn’t walk it ever or arrange kennels and I wouldn’t even buy dog food. It took precisely 1 sec for DH to change his mind.
Basically everything would have fallen to me.

No, I think everyone in the house needs to agree to get a pet (unless it’s a goldfish or something). They’re a burden on your time, and finances - obviously for some people that is totally worth it, but if you don’t want it then it isn’t.

This update neatly encapsulates why you should not get pets.
They want a puppy or a kitten
What you'll get is a dog or a cat - which isn't as cute and needs lots of looking after.

I second what a pp said about looking into pet-fostering (your family would get the joy of having a pet for a limited period of time; there'd be much less long-term responsibility/cost/ allergy management for you)

and the idea of your dh and children signing up on a pet-sitting website and/or offering to look after neighbours' pets while they're on holiday (pref in their own houses! possibly even paid)

My parents got a cat when I was a child because they thought kids needed to experience pets. I am not an animal person and I didn’t like it at all. All it taught me is not to get a pet as an adult and I never have or will. So no, I don’t think you need a pet at all.

You do get a final say. The children are also missing out. Both things can be true.

I don't think it's quite the same as if one person wants a child and the other doesn't, as the level of commitment isn't really comparable - especially as he's open to a choice of different pets, it needn't be a dog (which is a big commitment). But I would refuse to lift a finger and say he must be prepared to do absolutely everything to care for the pet - and follow through on that from day 1. Is he still as keen if you make that really clear?

YAB MASSIVELY U to say no to any pet of ANY kind whatsoever forever. There's such a range that surely there is something you can put up with as a compromise. A blanket no, forever, is not only unreasonable but will lead to bitterness, and for what? Because you don't like the look of a fish tank ffs?

Who does the majority of the shopping, cleaning, and childcare? That person will end up doing all the pet care.

I don't want pets either. I offered my ds the chance to have a dog when he was 10, but that he would have to do EVERYTHING himself - walking (rain or shine, light or dark, before school & after), feeding cleaning, bathing etc. He was horrified and decided he didn't want a dog any more. 😁