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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel physically repulsed by my husband

89 replies

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 10:59

I feel awful admitting it but I just cant
hes currently unemployed playing video games, with such exertion that he’s panting like a dog.
He’s horrid to me
and honestly 🤮🤮🤮

OP posts:
FreshAirNow · 05/11/2025 13:02

Divorce now.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 05/11/2025 13:01

Well he is controlling and coercive so call the police and have him removed.

Put the house on the market, give him his share and then get as far away from him as possible.

TimeForTeaAndG · 05/11/2025 12:55

Speak to Womens Aid and see about getting him out of the house. Not you. I assume you are the main carer for the kids despite his unemployed status so require the home to continue this.

JudgeBread · 05/11/2025 12:55

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:42

Killing someone apparently
it was vile.

Urgh, now I'm a lover of games and even I think it's a bit fucked up to get out-of-breath excited about killing someone in one.

He sounds awful, I'm so sorry you're stuck with such a gross human, genuinely.

JudgeBread · 05/11/2025 12:53

nomas · 05/11/2025 12:41

Just YouTube it.

YouTube what? "Man plays videogames and gets out of breath"? I play videogames all the time and I've never been out of breath playing anything that wasn't Wii fit.

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:50

I dont need the house or the equity or anything I just need not be homeless with small children

OP posts:
Nestingbirds · 05/11/2025 12:49

It’s a pile of bricks - that’s all a house is, and you can buy another on your own without this leech.

nomas · 05/11/2025 12:46

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:42

I can’t afford a solicitor

Then see your local Citizens Advice Bureau or contact a women's charity.

How much equity do you have in the house?

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:42

nomas · 05/11/2025 12:40

See a shit hot lawyer and try and get him out of the house in a divorce.

I can’t afford a solicitor

OP posts:
LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:42

JudgeBread · 05/11/2025 12:37

I'm entirely missing the point here but how do you play videogames with enough vigor to be out of breath? Because right now I'm picturing someone playing Wii tennis or Beat Saber but I'm genuinely curious.

Killing someone apparently
it was vile.

OP posts:
nomas · 05/11/2025 12:41

JudgeBread · 05/11/2025 12:37

I'm entirely missing the point here but how do you play videogames with enough vigor to be out of breath? Because right now I'm picturing someone playing Wii tennis or Beat Saber but I'm genuinely curious.

Just YouTube it.

nomas · 05/11/2025 12:40

See a shit hot lawyer and try and get him out of the house in a divorce.

JudgeBread · 05/11/2025 12:37

I'm entirely missing the point here but how do you play videogames with enough vigor to be out of breath? Because right now I'm picturing someone playing Wii tennis or Beat Saber but I'm genuinely curious.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 05/11/2025 12:34

He is abusing you. Please seek help as PP have suggested, from Women's Aid or Citizen's Advice Bureau -- you don't have to pay anything for these. Do it for your daughter as well as for yourself. She should not be learning this is how women are treated. Best of luck to you and her.

Starlight7080 · 05/11/2025 12:29

This is crazy . Would it be so bad to save a months rent/deposit. And move out with your kids. Start fresh and leave him to deal with the house ? . Maybe he will agree to sell it then . It doesnt sound like he will make much effort with he children.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 05/11/2025 12:29

At the end of the day you're choosing to stay.

flutterby1 · 05/11/2025 12:15

Just because it will be complicated, doesn’t mean you can’t leave x

Needaglowup · 05/11/2025 12:11

He wants you on the floor !! He knows you deserve better , you’re obviously an intelligent woman you can do this on your own And he knows it , his life would be so much harder if you weren’t there . just think do you really wanna be in the same situation five years from now.

Icanflyhigh · 05/11/2025 12:09

You can and should make plans to leave as soon as possible. Speak to Women's Aid as others have suggested and start to formulate a plan.

Ask yourself what you would tell someone else in your position, and consider what you are teaching your daughter is acceptable behaviour.

You are worth so much more than this - he is clearly abusing you and using coercive control to keep you where he thinks you should be.

I'm sorry you're going through this, is there anyone in your family who will help you and support you to get away from this vile creature?

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:06

Thank you all. I’ve secured a promotion that I can start in 3 months. I work full time yes. I sleep on a bunk bed with my daughter
I just feel so on the floor

OP posts:
divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 12:06

You can leave.

I left with 3 small children and not a penny to my name.

NET145 · 05/11/2025 12:01

Start saving as much as you possibly can separately to him which will give you a choice in the future even if you can’t do much today. Make a plan and focus on making it happen one day. Get as many free legal initial appointments in as you can

SwanSong30 · 05/11/2025 11:58

throwing away your clothes and not letting you sleep in your own bed is abusive. Contact women’s aid for advice. If you have Instagram, have a look at The Legal Queen. She specialises in family law and does lots of videos on divorce, court orders and child arrangement orders.

Needaglowup · 05/11/2025 11:56

Why can’t you sleep in your bed ? This is abuse ! You need to get out ..start putting money away .. and then leave ! You can deal with everything often

JFDIYOLO · 05/11/2025 11:55

Stop telling yourself you're buggered and can't leave. As soon as you do that you're backing yourself into a corner because you've fixed your own mindset and you're condemning yourself and your children to this life.

Tell yourself instead you CAN get away, and create a life you want and love for your family away from this man.

You've described him:

Controlling where you sleep and denying you the bed - do you actually have a place to sleep?

Throwing out your clothes - does he tell you what you can and can't wear?

Isolating you from family and friends - how has he managed that?

The behaviour you're describing is abuse. You say he's horrible to you - it doesn't have to be physical violence to be classed as abuse.

Focus on what you can do.

Find out if there's a family solicitor in your area who offers a free half hour consultation on separation and divorce. They can tell you what your rights are.

Look at your finances. What is the household income and the bills? Do you work? Have you any savings? A pension? Are you claiming any benefits you're entitled to? Open an account in your name only and start saving.

Reach out to family and friends. Tell them exactly what's happening and ask for support and help.

Contact Women's Aid - they specialise in this.

Changing how you think will help you feel more in control of how you feel, which will help you start to take action.

This is your and your children's future you're going to be changing and improving. You don't have to suffer it any longer.

womensaid.org.uk/