Should we buy DD a car? (Very much a first world problem)

Does she want a car? That might be a good starting point. If she does then do it, but she might prefer the money.

Your kids are not just someone, but OK. All families are different.

When my eldest brother needed a transplant my mother just took it for granted that we (the siblings) would all get tested to see if we could donate. Tbh we all took it for granted too. It was pretty much an extension of our childhood which was hand-me-downs and shared everything (my sister married an exboyfriend of mine even lol). We were not raised in the UK tho

@CarolineCarr Why not give her a car voucher for when she NEEDS one?

My parents did this. I used their car when I was in 6th form, didn't need a car at uni at all, then they got me a car post uni when I got a job and needed one. I was really grateful.

Your reasons for not buying a car are to me reasons why you should. If she passes her test and then doesn't drive for a long time after as she doesn't have access to a car, then surely her confidence will decrease further. If she has her own car then she can go out more and gain more experience. Unless she already has a share of your car and you are willing to let her use it any time.

Not really sure why you wouldn't treat them both the same in this instance.

In my part of the real world, it's considered pretty bad form to give someone a birthday present and then turn around a couple of years later and say they're expected to share it 🤷‍♀️.

If your mum told you, as an adult, to share with your sibling would you do it?

It’s different if someone buys a car specifically for the “children” to share - then everyone knows what the deal is. But you don’t give a gift to someone and retrospectively change the rules. And you don’t get to tell adults what to do with their own property.

You need to do the same for both children.

Why would it sit on the drive doing nothing? Surely her parents could take her out in it to practise.

Ask her. If she wants one then get it after she passes, if she fails it could be ages before she can get another test and I guess she is already fine to practice in one of the other cars.
If she’s got an easy commute and leaves home next year she might rather have the cash.
Presumably ds A - owns his car B - has taxed and insured it C - needs it to get to work and will be pissed off to be back on the bus because little sis has gone out.
Lots of people can’t practically share cars for their work/school commutes which is the main reason people have a car at all. It’s not much of a present for dd if she cant actually use it.

Lol... theft? Haha, only on mumsnet. In the real world, kids are expected to share and help one another out.

It would be theft, seeing as he owns the vehicle. They can't make him share, and the op has said they wouldn't want to.

This is why we won’t give our DC a car, instead we will buy a car for them to use and fight over

Sharing is not taking away

Does she want a car?
There's no way I'd buy a car for someone who hadn't passed their test. What if she never passes her test? You've then got a taxed insured car losing value on your drive.
But mainly, if she doesn't want a car then why would you buy her one?

If she doesn't want or need it yet so just put the money aside or ask her if she wants cash instead or whatever

Buy her a car, regardless whether or not she will drive much, or if she will prefer money as PP say, a car will open up her world. She will never build her confidence if she doesn’t drive once she passes. Also it’s likely to be something she will use for the next decade, as you say, and so will be an ongoing useful thing to have.

In prioritised fun and holidays when I was 17/18 and I didn’t learn to drive until much later which I think was a mistake

Does she even want to drive? I was badgered into driving lessons for my 17th birthday despite not being the slightest bit interested (and with much fanfare about how lucky I was and how much they cost), took and failed my test once and haven't driven since.

I moved out not long afterwards and would much rather have had the cash.

We always treat our now adult children the same as is practically possible. We bought a car for our first child’s 21st. The second child was then told they could have a car for their 21st. They said they didn’t want it for their 21st as there was no parking places near their uni accommodation. They had it as soon as they wanted, which was after they left uni.

Sometimes when I'm in the car with her I think she's aspiring to be one!

I misread that as DD was a formula 1 driver

My eldest two daughters shared a car and it wasn't a problem. At first the younger one used it more (passed her test 6 months after dd1) but eventually dd1 took it as she was a F1 doctor and needed it whereas dd2 lived in a city and could cycle to work.

Tell her in advance you’ll buy a car when she passes, the money is there. My friend bought her car before her test and it took her years to pass.

I would get the car, she’ll get more confident the more she drives and it will be there once passes.

My first instinct is to say get her a car, but I am looking at the situation from the perspective of someone who lives in the country and couldn't wait to get the DC on the road independently, so that colours my opinion. If you live somewhere with good public transport links or she is planning to go to University in a big city next year it might be less worthwhile.
I think you should spend roughly the same amount of money on both DC as otherwise it's likely to breed resentment but I wouldn't automatically get her a car just because her brother got one. What does she want and what are her future plans? If she's planning to work or study somewhere where it would be useful I would probably go for the car. She might not love driving right now but once she passes and gets more confident she'll probably really appreciate the independence that her own car gives her. But if she's planning to go away I'd think carefully. Both my DSs went to city centre Universities where not only was a car not necessary but the Universities actively discouraged students from bringing them by having no or extremely expensive parking. If your DD has similar plans you might end up with her car sitting outside your house unused for most of the time from next September. If that's the case I'd think about either getting her something different or investing the money with a view to buying a car once it becomes more useful. There's not much point in having a car depreciating on your drive if it is not going to be used.

We bought a car for DS but now DD has passed they share it.