Should we buy DD a car? (Very much a first world problem)

Buy her a car when she says she needs one. No point buying one if it won't get used.

Surely she could use if for practise. My ds had a car ( old one passed on) and he used to drive in it supervised nearly every day. Was certainly cheaper than coughing up for lessons to get in practise.

Jealousy is an ugly trait

How ridiculous. It’s not spoilt to provide what you can for your children, if you can easily afford it. It’s generous parenting.

Ask her if she wants a car or the equivalent cash in an investment account.
She might not need one, depends on her plans. if she is going to uni in a busy city with good public transport the car might be unnecessary.

Ask her if she wants a car. If she says yes, and fails her test she can use it to practice in until she passes. You only really learn to drive and have confidence once you pass your test. If she says no, then give her the money so she has the equivalent as DS.

We bought a car for dd1 and she was the registered owner but she always knew that it was for dd2 as well (19 months younger). SiL has given ds his old car as he was hoping it would give him an incentive to get his driving license (failed twice and theory expired) and exdh is using it atm (I'm the registered keeper). Unfortunately ds is not the sharing kind so I don't think he'd be happy if dd3 drove it (she's 17 with test in February).
Definitely put the money aside and see what dd wants.

Why? If the family can afford more than one as the OP fortunately can (and they’ve somewhere to park it), it makes much more sense to buy the children something that suits each of them, when it suits them. Fairness doesn’t mean treating identically. I’d imagine in this case if the OPs children had a shared car at this point the older boy would continue getting most of the benefit from it anyway.

what may make sense to one family doesn’t necessarily apply to another

Please ask her.

The number of unwanted things and experiences I have had because my older brother wanted them I have lost count of.

VI form - I had to go to the one my brother went to, even though it was crap and didn't do the subjects I was interested in.

Driving lessons - my brother had them for his 17th so I had to have them. I had no interest in learning to drive at the time. It was just another thing to learn on top of VI Form.

@Mumptynumpty has it spot on.

Who pays the insurance and the upkeep?

You should have bought a family car - not for the first born but for all your kids to share. Poor decision making on your part

Yep, ‘twas very silly. We have a ‘pool’ of cars for use. DH and I get new cars every 4 years and instead of trading in, we just keep precious and the keys for them are kept on a key rack in the hall. So, they drive different cars depending on what’s there at the time, but no personal ownership as such. Saves the whole ‘this one is worth more than that one’ stuff.

You should have bought a family car - not for the first born but for all your kids to share. Poor decision making on your part.

I don't understand with the rationale of treating ALL your kids EXACTLY the same. They aren't the same. They don't have the same interests, priorities, wishes, hopes etc.

The eldest's choices then dictate all the other kids choices. That's not even close to fair.

Even identical twins aren't the same.

I didn't label you mad for you how felt towards your brother. It's mad for parents to have expectations on what their children should do with their organs.

Sorry it's upset you though.

I’d say don’t buy the car yet, unless your DD is clear that she wants it now (this isn’t obvious from your post). Put the money in a defined interest bearing bank account that she knows is set aside for her to buy a car when she wants one.
A lot of youngsters really don’t need a car when they’re this young, though it’s a very good idea to get them through the test at this stage. My DD passed before going to uni, definitely no need of a car while there. When she started work she bought mine off me and I got a new one - we planned ahead so she had a car we knew was good but which was insurable for a reasonable price. She went out driving with DH as a refresher including motorways as there had been a gap.

Ive not read every post on the thread but the idea of your DS is irrelevant, the car is his and you’ve got the funds for another.

You know- this has upset me. I'm hiding this thread.

I’d want to get tested to see if I could donate to a close relative as well, but it’s the expectation from parents that seems wrong. There comes a point when you shouldn’t expect to control or dictate to your children in that way.

I wouldn't label you "mad" for feeling differently to how we all felt at the time his poor body started failing on him, but yes, you are very different from us.

Do you run insure tax and service it? If you do it isn’t his car. When he pays he doesn’t have to share. That’s my view. If you’re not going to make them share then buy one

We bought DS a car when he was 17 and told him it would be shared with DD when the time came. They share and that’s just the way it is

Does she WANT a car? Have you discussed it?

What your kids' plans are should be a factor. I mean, if ds was working at 18 and a car is the only way to get there, whereas DD is going to uni and living somewhere with no student parking, it might not make sense for her to have a car yet - you could get her one after graduation.

If she is going to need one, "both kids get a car for the birthday after they pass their test" is treating them fairly.

How is she meant to get more confidence etc if she DOESN'T have a car to get more confident in?

Is she going to university? If so, she may not be able to take a car with her and it’ll be stuck in the driveway doing nothing.

Exactly. They're not just someone, they're your children, so you should treat them with respect and respect their belongings too. Especially when they're adults.

I couldn't imagine my parents thinking that they had a claim over my organs, if one of my siblings needed a transplant! An organ is not something to be taken for granted. That's mad.