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AIBU?

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AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

181 replies

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 08:41

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

OP posts:
TheLivelyRose · 05/11/2025 09:31

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 09:25

The more I think about it, I wouldn’t (and don’t) let our teenaged babysitter walk home along that road, albeit later at night.

I appreciate that the numbers of incidents are low, but as I’ve discussed with DH, if it happens to you (which it has) then that’s pretty irrelevant - it’s no comfort that the numbers are low overall. A bit like wearing a seatbelt, perhaps. The chance of your car crashing is low but if it does and you’re not wearing a seatbelt, the fact that the other cars didn’t crash is neither here nor there.

She generally has a reasonable amount of freedom when it’s light and happily walks to town etc with friends. It’s just this dark, quiet road that really scares me.

You're just being obtuse now. The chances of being harmed in a car accident is very high. 900 accidents a day I believe in the UK. That's why you're fined for not wearing a belt.

Rexinasaurus · 05/11/2025 09:30

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 09:25

The more I think about it, I wouldn’t (and don’t) let our teenaged babysitter walk home along that road, albeit later at night.

I appreciate that the numbers of incidents are low, but as I’ve discussed with DH, if it happens to you (which it has) then that’s pretty irrelevant - it’s no comfort that the numbers are low overall. A bit like wearing a seatbelt, perhaps. The chance of your car crashing is low but if it does and you’re not wearing a seatbelt, the fact that the other cars didn’t crash is neither here nor there.

She generally has a reasonable amount of freedom when it’s light and happily walks to town etc with friends. It’s just this dark, quiet road that really scares me.

Good analogy. And quite. Don’t worry! It’s not a problem.. Until it is. Just trust your gut - always. x

SunnyDolly · 05/11/2025 09:27

Starlight1984 · 05/11/2025 09:15

Massively agree. She's in high school and you live a 10 minute walk away. At what point will you be ok with her walking on her own in the dark?

Also, in a month or two it will be dark even earlier.

Also agree! Theres a massive difference between walking in the dark at 5:30 when it’s busy with other school leavers and people finishing work, compared to walking in the dark very late at night. It’s a 10-minute walk after school, the strong likelihood is she’ll be absolutely fine.

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 09:25

The more I think about it, I wouldn’t (and don’t) let our teenaged babysitter walk home along that road, albeit later at night.

I appreciate that the numbers of incidents are low, but as I’ve discussed with DH, if it happens to you (which it has) then that’s pretty irrelevant - it’s no comfort that the numbers are low overall. A bit like wearing a seatbelt, perhaps. The chance of your car crashing is low but if it does and you’re not wearing a seatbelt, the fact that the other cars didn’t crash is neither here nor there.

She generally has a reasonable amount of freedom when it’s light and happily walks to town etc with friends. It’s just this dark, quiet road that really scares me.

OP posts:
Rexinasaurus · 05/11/2025 09:23

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 08:41

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

Totally agree with you - your gut is correct. I’d never (and did never) let my girls walk home in the dark. Sensible they may be - but that has no influence on the male sexual predators that can be anywhere.

peachescariad · 05/11/2025 09:22

At end of school day with friends, yes.
After clubs finish at 5ish on own, no.
Go with your gut feeling.

Starlight1984 · 05/11/2025 09:20

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2025 08:48

Theres No way I would let a 7 girl or boy walk home in the dark.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with a predator and that’s why so many DCs of her age have been abducted and murdered.

What on earth are you on about?!

It's that rare for a child to be abducted and murdered in this country that we know the name and details of every single case of it ever happening.

The charity Action Against Abduction, formerly Pact, estimates that roughly 50 children under the age of 16 are abducted by strangers every year.

The report used data from UK police forces in 2011-12, found that 42% of all abduction attempts were made by strangers - and three quarters of the attempts were unsuccessful.

50 children. And out of those, only 3/4 were successful. So around 12 children on average are abducted in one year in the UK. Out of (approximately) 15 million children.

usedtobeaylis · 05/11/2025 09:20

Basing it on the route my daughter would walk home, I would pick up through the winter as the choices are walking along road that is busy in terms parked cars but not foot traffic, or up a side lane with no lighting - both options are quite low visibility, especially in rain, for someone that isn't tall enough to see over the top of a car yet. Not only is it dark with low visibility at the school end, but the estate where we live has those very dim streetlights that benefit night wildlife but not women and children.

LadyDanburysHat · 05/11/2025 09:17

Laserwho · 05/11/2025 09:14

How is this babysitting. I'm a grown adult and don't like walking alone in the dark as many people dont. There's no way I would expect an 11 year old to do this.

Do you never walk in the dark anywhere? That is quite restricting.

TimeForATerf · 05/11/2025 09:16

Absolutely not, and my dc are adults now. I used to let DD walk home from school at 8 when they left at 15:10 and she was six minutes walk from home with one lollipop crossing.

ladygindiva · 05/11/2025 09:15

Cynic17 · 05/11/2025 08:46

Of course it's fine. We all have to do it, and learn how to manage this kind of situation, so this is a perfect time to start.
Bu refusing to let her do it you are telling her that there is something to be scared of - which there isn't. Please don't pass on your own anxieties to your child.

Edited

Because women and girls never get attacked out walking after dark

Starlight1984 · 05/11/2025 09:15

LadyDanburysHat · 05/11/2025 09:11

Completely agree with this. The babying of secondary school aged children these days is insane.

Massively agree. She's in high school and you live a 10 minute walk away. At what point will you be ok with her walking on her own in the dark?

Also, in a month or two it will be dark even earlier.

2chocolateoranges · 05/11/2025 09:15

I would pick up. I don’t care what their “friends” think either.

I was attacked in my late teens while with a friend, it’s scarred me for life and i don’t want anyone to go through what I did.

id pick up /drop off a friend, or a colleague if they had to walk home themselves in the dark too.

HorrorFan81 · 05/11/2025 09:15

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2025 08:48

Theres No way I would let a 7 girl or boy walk home in the dark.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with a predator and that’s why so many DCs of her age have been abducted and murdered.

How many? When?

Laserwho · 05/11/2025 09:14

LadyDanburysHat · 05/11/2025 09:11

Completely agree with this. The babying of secondary school aged children these days is insane.

How is this babysitting. I'm a grown adult and don't like walking alone in the dark as many people dont. There's no way I would expect an 11 year old to do this.

LadyDanburysHat · 05/11/2025 09:11

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 08:52

Year 7 I thought so 11 or 12.

If mummy had come to pick up any of our secondary school age friends to walk them home then poor kids would've had the piss taken out if them big time

Completely agree with this. The babying of secondary school aged children these days is insane.

tripleginandtonic · 05/11/2025 09:01

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2025 08:48

Theres No way I would let a 7 girl or boy walk home in the dark.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with a predator and that’s why so many DCs of her age have been abducted and murdered.

Hardly any children of her age are murdered. So few in fact that we all know their names.

MatchaMatchaMatcha · 05/11/2025 09:01

Proviz is good for high visibility reflective jackets, straps etc so is fluogo and you can also use bag lights and torches to keep her visible to traffic

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/11/2025 08:59

Walking on own late and dark is a no

walking with friends yes

RaininSummer · 05/11/2025 08:57

I wouldnt take the chance tbh. Not sure worth it.

Floorfeelslikelava · 05/11/2025 08:55

On this occasion, I’m not worried about whether I’ll embarrass her by picking her up. If she didn’t walk home, there’s a later music club practice session she could go and do which finishes at 6, and I could pick her up after collecting DD2, when nobody would be around to witness it!

OP posts:
RegimentalSturgeon · 05/11/2025 08:54

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2025 08:48

Theres No way I would let a 7 girl or boy walk home in the dark.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with a predator and that’s why so many DCs of her age have been abducted and murdered.

And how many is that, exactly? I think you’re vastly overestimating the risks.

Alittlefrustrated · 05/11/2025 08:54

If she'd be on her own at any point, in the dark deserted places you describe, no I wouldn't.
Is there not a safe bus route they could travel on together?

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 08:52

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2025 08:48

Theres No way I would let a 7 girl or boy walk home in the dark.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with a predator and that’s why so many DCs of her age have been abducted and murdered.

Year 7 I thought so 11 or 12.

If mummy had come to pick up any of our secondary school age friends to walk them home then poor kids would've had the piss taken out if them big time

TheSmallAssassin · 05/11/2025 08:52

I'd let her walk - the risks are very small and I think it's better to start bringing up girls not to be needlessly afraid of the dark, which limits the life of so many women unnecessarily.

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