AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

Maybe the people you know. If a shop/cafe etc is open 9_9 then its very unlikely you can be that bloody flexible. I don't know any nurses who have that level of flexibility. 7 till 7 shifts either day or night are commonplace, ambulance service is often 6 till 6. Care home workers often different shifts each week.

And surely its the people with YOUNG kids that need the flexibility more anyway.

@Goldenbear regardless of whether I could pick them up - my job is flexible so I absolutely could I wouldn't necessarily.

Walking is good for us, 10 minutes on a route they know well is fine. 530pm is not late, this time next month it will be practically dark at 3.

The biggest risk is cars, get her a reflective patch for her bag and coat and let her get a bit more independent. T

@Floorfeelslikelava I couldn't see if you said she wanted to walk or not?

I regularly walk by myself after 11pm.

I LIKE to go for a very late night walk because it's lovely and peaceful and no twats. And it's a nice area. We chose it because of this.

The idea of not walking home isn't one I couldn't isn't one that computes. My neighbour is having utter meltdowns over her daughter over this ATM. My neighbour has major mental health issues and a number of us think she's actually got a codependency issue which she's effectively emotionally abusing her daughter with.

I very belligerently refused to stop walking home by myself at uni when my crazy homemate said we should all walk home together after 4pm.

It was a very busy route.

I frequently went to gigs on my own and left by myself to go to my car. Again, risk management - always parked in busy area.

Honestly, if women aren't determined to walk then women effectively allow the normalisation of mens inappropriate behaviour and there's a shaming of women who somehow do get attacked 'because they shouldn't have walked home'.

Of course they fucking should.

Demand more. Expect more.

Also, I have a good friend who is a nurse, she definitely works flexibly. Surely in a shop you can work flexibly if there are different shifts.

Well, my mum sucked and during secondary years she spent all her money on alcohol and cigarettes and nights out, so I had no bus fare and she didn't drive. I had no choice but walking to / from school alone everyday. All weather all year round, it sucked so bad. It was about a 30 minute walk each way too. So, yeah I'd pick her up even if you collect her from around the corner or something.

It's not "few" amongst the people I know both friends and acquaintances. I don't think we should see flexibility as a privilege, it's not the Victorian era!

Christ almighty.

I'm glad I don't live where you do.

How rough is it?

This is about the danger of being run over.

There are some areas where walking in the dark is incredibly dangerous - because of cars, not predators/ crime. Where my parents live a lot of the roads outside/ between the villages are narrow, winding and lined with hedges so there's nowhere to get out of the way - that is really dangerous in the dark as visibility is terrible due to the hedges, people who know the roads drive them too fast and don't expect pedestrians - indeed a young man from my parents' village was killed walking back from work when I was a child.

It really depends where you live.

I was mugged in the suburbs at about 5pm walking to Sainsbury's! Lived in a dodgy area of London on my own for several years before that and never had an issue getting home from the night bus at 2am! Lots of people about on foot makes things safer.

Have you a link to these stats?

DCs walked home from year 6 (although only from the summer term so it wasn't dark and they didn't stay as late as 5.30pm). But the darkness has never bothered me as it gets dark at 4pm and that doesn't feel late or inappropriate for dcs to be out alone. I was certainly walking home alone for a mile after school and had no friends to walk with, and never experienced anything problematic.
It's unheard of for parents to be doing pickups at secondary age around here, partly because we're in inner London and the streets are well-lit and extremely busy, the public transport means dcs don't need lifts, but mainly because parents are too busy working to facilitate it.

In the year ending March 2024 there were two under 16s killed by strangers in England and Wales.

With friends it's fine. Alone - it depends on the area (not whether its naice or not but how busy it is - lots of pedestrians in a busy place is fine, lots of houses and the odd car but nobody about is not ideal).

I'd let her walk with friends, but if she's going to be alone because friends are off sick/ not doing the club or whatever let her call you/ her dad to meet her and walk with her or pick her up if easier.

@K0OLA1D by that logic no one should walk anywhere ever.

That's fine. I just gave my opinion like everyone else has on this thread.

It was 8.30 in the morning along a busy road when the little lad from my kids school got mugged at knifepoint on Monday

@Financeisfun I have lived rurally, I have lived in big "dangerous" city centres and I have lived in the suburbs. There is no world that I wouldn't walk 10 minutes in any of those locations at 5:30pm

where on earth do you live that it's THIS dangerous that the criminals all come roaring out the moment the sun goes down?!

This mindset is so confusing to me. It's so irrational. Assess risk, absolutely. But look at what the real risks are.

But then, this is probably the source of my single biggest frustration with my in laws (and some challenges in my early relationship with DH) - as a family, their risk assesment skills are non existent.

I'm thinking of my local area when I answered the question. I live rurally and have no paths or streetlights and are surrounded by woods and fields so no I wouldn't walk on my own in the dark.

My ds at 16 ( well from 11 really) often had a walk to tge station, get a train including a change , and walk from station the other end. I'd think he'd have died of embarrassment if I'd been outside school waiting for him. Mind you he often was waylaid to the football upfield with his mates first

@Financeisfun you wouldn't walk 10 mins at 530pm? Are you ok that seems incredibly overly anxious.

You wouldn’t walk yourself at 5.30? Your 16 year old could be leaving home very soon and will need to learn how to manage themselves. What if they go to university and it’s dark when they finish for the day- they might want to walk home, to the pub or a club. It’ll be madness if that’s the first time they’ve walked anywhere in the dark.

Privilidge in having the flexibility.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't even contemplate letting her. I wouldn't walk it myself and wouldn't let DS16 either.

It’s 3:30 not 11pm. Give her some breathing space to grow up.

You asked why some parents can: I gave you an answer. It’s also nothing to do with being “privileged”: many jobs are flexible around school hours, and not all of them are “privileged” (eg cleaner, childminder, part time workers etc): in fact, in my organisation it tends to be the less well paid workers who are able to work more flexible hours around school times. The more senior you are the less you tend to be able to do it.