MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

I did. I mean let’s see, an hour away from you so you can get some time to exercise and improve your physical and mental health? Sounds essential to me. Plus I assume there are other children at the crèche - great for children to be in the presence of other their iwn age! Your MIL is nuts and should mind her own business.

I’m actually surprised there are as many negative comments as there are. I can only think it might be because the OP mentioned a three month old baby in her post, even though the child is now a toddler.

Normally on here if you admit your day(s) centre around your children, you get criticised for that, lots of comments about ‘this is why children nowadays are …’ as if going to a toddler group and / or the park is leading to society’s ruin.

Personally I’m at the stage where I’d struggle to do this as DD is two but not fully understanding a concept like ‘mummy is here but at the gym’ so I think it would be a bit stressful for us both. She is 3 in July and I’m hoping this spring I might be able to start going to the gym and leave her in the crèche for an hour or so.

As it is I work two days a week and the other days are focused pretty much solely on the children: getting them breakfast and getting DS to school then out to an activity for DD like playgroup or swimming or woodland walk or whatever it is. With preschool children, especially under 3s, to be frank about it it can be hard taking them anywhere that isn’t specifically designed for them; they whinge and get bored or wander or have tantrums that can be hard to manage in public.

Going somewhere for an hour or so with a crèche specially designed for small children can be a lifesaver. The days can be very long with little children and quite lonely as well.

I also don’t think it’s a bad thing for children to have healthy habits modelled to them. To be very candid here I am taking Mounjaro after my weight rocketed up to fifteen and a half stone last summer. I was miserable, unhealthy, kept trying to diet but failed by the third day … colleague recommended it to me and I started on the 1 August. After that the price hiked up and it costs me the best part of £300 a month. Since I only earn a small amount as I only work two days that’s a big percentage but … I now weigh 12 stone 3 lbs and the difference to me in every way possible is unimaginable.

I could put that into savings for my children or spend it on a holiday but I’m prioritising me. Not because I’m selfish, the opposite. I lost my mum young and I know what it does to a child. I also know the more a mother enjoys motherhood the more a child enjoys childhood.

I don’t think “is it cruel?” is the real issue here. The real issue is - why is your usually pleasant MiL being cruel to you? It’s a genuinely horrible thing to accuse a mother of being cruel. Your child is not distressed by the the crèche so it’s hard to see what her justification is. I don’t believe she has said this out of genuine concern for child; she has said it to be unpleasant.

I never have used crèche/babysitters but I imagine your mental health is much better for it, it sounds like a nice routine with your DD who is happy with it, so no not cruel.

I wouldn’t however ever use a holiday club (abroad) I think it’s mean to go on holiday and not spend that time with the kids - but then my holidays are a rare special event and my children are an equal part of it. I’d be worried about safety and them feeling left out. I KNOW this isn’t everyone’s views but I’m with MIL I guess with this.

I personally agree with your MIl and isn’t something I would do but I also would have kept that to myself as none of my business and if it works for you that’s up to you

Yeah but that poster assessed her childcare. So did the OP, but that poster did it better.

Many kids are in childcare five days a week, and some of them are neglected when at home with parents.

Do you also find it odd that the children's father is only around two days a week, rather than four? Or is it just not OK for a mother to take time for herself? Oh, but it's OK for her to take care of the kids while her husband goes to the gym during the week?

Double standards.

Nothing like attacking another woman. Hope your halo is shaping up

It’s an hour! It’s much easier parenting when you are fit!
But it’s fine for DH not to see them all week and not cruel.

Although I do know someone who shoved her kids in kidsclub on holiday. Her youngest was particularly clingy but she didn’t care, she would sob every day when he mum dropped her off for the full day every day of 2 week holiday. Her excuse is ‘it’s my holiday too, having children isn’t a holiday’, she wasn’t very nice.

I've never been on the type of holiday that had a kids club but my daughter has always definitely wanted to be where other children are. She's a bit older and cooler now so maybe to a lesser extent but even this summer she was running about the park at the campsite with children she had just met. Some people sound incredibly jealous at the mere prospect of their children developing independent relationships.

I've never belonged to a gym with a crèche, how fabulous, lucky you. Mine mostly cried when I dropped them off at nursery and refused to go to holiday clubs. If they'd gone happily, I wouldn't have had any guilt.

The staff will have enhanced DBS certs and will presumably have childcare training. It’s no different from putting them in a nursery, which at 2 many children do all day. My DC were in nursery 3 days a week 8-6pm at that age.

Your MIL is weird.

When I was pregnant with my 3rd the staff at the gym crèche made it very clear they were expecting the baby to be there as soon as he was old enough. The crèche took from 6 weeks and he did an hour in the crèche as soon as he turned 6 weeks old. He was spoilt and fussed over by all. And I probably had a cup of coffee!

The nursery I used to work at allowed baby's from I believe 6 or 8 weeks old, and many parents had to use the nursery for the tiny babies. You're right an hour a day isn't bad at all, then spending time together after. It sounds like op has a lovely routine.

You're happy, your kid is happy. Stuff what MIL thinks.

And be smug when you drop her on her first day in Reception and she isn't 'that child' clinging to you and howling. Well done for raising an independent and confident child who can be looked after by others!

She is being ridiculous and I would reduce her contact with them. Be busy the next few times she asks.

Sounds like you have the ideal set up!! Time together, time for yourself and time for the family!!
For those criticising, it's an hour, that's all and somewhere the OP clearly feels safe with and the child enjoys!

yeah, DD loved kids club SOOO much at the last place we stayed at that she BEGGED us to put her in while we did check out etc... even if it was onl y for an hour. She was devastated when we came to collect her.

Mine wouldn't go when they were young and I was so envious of people who could send the kids happily off to a kids club for a fewhours, then all enjoy a lovely family afternoon together.

Do you know what, I think this is the classic grandmother ridiculousness. MIL was NOT the kind of mother who spent loads of time with her children - but as a grandmother, she's very present and engaged with her grandchildren and much "softer", for want of a better word, than she ever was with her own children. So her patience with them, her happiness to just hang out in the same room is hilariously endless vs when SHE was the mother!

So I could easily imagine her saying something silly like this to me and me laughing at her and saying, "MIL - you left DH and SIL with random nannies, your parents, school etc practically from the day they were born, don't be silly"

My mum, on the other hand, always said that when she was a grandmother the thing she was looking forward to the most was being able to have all the fun, good times with them then hand them back to us for the hard work! haha. At least she understood that her approach to being a grandparent would, by its very nature, be different to her approach to being a parent.

I suspect you're at a David Lloyd - you'll be able to put them in the FREE activities any day now. Dont' tell her that, she'll have a melt down! :)

Also the "why wouldn't you spend all weekend withyour children in family time crowd".... argh!

Really?

What about one child families who's kid is desperate to play with other children?

What about parents of intense poor sleepers who need a couple of hours of rest to recharge their batteries?

What about parents who take care of their kids 24/7 (like I did) who spend no time apart from their child?

What about giving kids the opportunity to take part in fun activities that they might not otherwise have the chance to experience?

My kid was not temperamentally suited to being left alone at kids holiday clubs until quite a bit older, so I sat on the sidelines while he joined in. He absolutely loved it! Once he was older and wanted to go alone it gave him a lot of enjoyment and independence. When he eventually got bored of us working our way through a multi-course dinner he would choose to pop off to the kids club and join in the fun instead.

Your MIL (and some of the posts on here) sounds nuts. Becoming a mother doesnt mean you now forgo everything else in your life, especially things that help keep you mentally and physically healthy. Using a gym creche for a couple of hours a week is obviously absolutely fine please ignore her. My DH and I did something similar when my youngest was a baby and toddler - i would go a couple of times during the week on mat leave and we would go as a family at the weekend, have a bit of time to ourselves then have family time in the pool / cafe / play area. I miss those days of David Lloyd 😁

My mistake. Then your MIL is being a dick.

As a mum you will get a ton of unwanted and/or idiotic opinions from here, there and everywhere. Ignore, ignore and ignore again. Especially the guilt tripping.

Of course the mother’s health is important. I meant that for me the stress of leaving my baby there would outweigh the benefits of any exercise I might do there. I would not have relaxed leaving my baby with strangers (however qualified). I do exercise but did not leave DC with crèche staff at that age. I exercised at home or did parkrun or waited until DH was around.