Politics aside, is private school usually a better experience of education for kids compared with state?

I feel like you're not going to get a good idea because people have moved between when one of them wasn't working.

As an observer (who went state and sent kids state) I think if you want your kids to feel an intrinsic right to exist and take up space, in general private will give them that.

I think all kids should be able to feel that by the way, it's not a criticism. Private schools are better at giving them that.

That's the erroneous assumption that the private schooling industry depends on. "If all these people are spending all this money, there must be a reason, so I should, too!"

This is also a good point.

I really liked my private secondary school but I didn’t live near any of my friends and my teenage years did feel isolated at home.

This is almost identical to our experience - two years of DS being a buffer to badly behaving kids and basically being ignored as he was meeting all the targets. Moving to independent has been the best decision we could have made.

I went to a non-selective private secondary school (single sex) after going to a state junior school.

My parents chose private as our catchment secondary school was under special measures due to bullying and violence, including pupils having recently broke into my junior school for theft and vandalism.

I was physically bullied by boys at my junior school and behaviour was very disruptive in class. Didn’t have any of this at my private secondary.

Smaller class size is also a benefit.

It really depends where you are. The secondary schools where I live now are generally very good. The school from my home town is still struggling.

Having been to both teachers in private school were either excellent ( smaller class sizes probably helped but there were a few who were very knowledgeable in subject etc) or a complete mess (spending the lesson talking about their divorce/ accidentally showing us soft porn etc). In state school the teachers had a lot more on their plates and were on average of a better standard, a few stand out but none of the over sharing etc. Some were unpleasant however. Kids wise there was rule breaking in both. Kids getting in trouble for fighting/ acting up in the state school, more drinking drugs etc in the private school. I made friends in both but outside of my friendship group the state school kids may rib me but in general the private school kids were from a different world which I was not part of. I wouldn't consider private school for my kids.

In my experience it varies massively. What do you want from the school experience?

Private schools tend to have much better facilities especially for those aimed more at sports, arts or music. However, the much smaller classes can work both ways. If your child makes good friends then it’s brilliant. If the other children just aren’t really ones they get on with or actively don’t get on with, it can be a very isolating and difficult time. State schools tend to have many more children so the likelihood of finding a good friend is higher although so is finding someone who causes issues.

One thing to consider that often gets overlooked is geography. There’s a lot to be said for kids having friends who live close by and can spend time together outside school. Often a private school has kids travelling in from areas further afield which makes socialisation more difficult. It can be quite isolating for them.

I think its impossible to put politics aside

Some private schools are famous for violence

This was not the case in my private school. Really depends on the school

No. It totally depends on the schools and your location.

Our state schools have smaller classes and better results than the nearest private. It would be an utter waste of money.

They will mix with very few poor people, just very clever poor kids that have bursaries or scholarships. If it’s a selective school children that are less able will be excluded because they will fail the entrance test. You are paying for a filter really. .

DH went to one of the most expensive independent schools in the UK. Did it assist him ? Naturally.

All schools are different so it's hard to generalise.

Private schools generally offer nicer buildings and better facilities. Smaller class sizes. And sometimes better wraparound care and a wider range of extra-curricular activities. Plus the parents are self selecting so your kids would mostly be surrounded by children from families that value education.

I don't think the teaching itself is any better in private than in state. And some people might actually want exposure to a broader range of people for their kids - that was a factor for us, certainly.

It's best to look at individual schools and consider whether you like their ethos and values as well as all of the other things that they have to offer.

I went to a private girls school 10-15 years ago, very bitchy/clique, dumb uniform rules, lack of socialisation with the other sex, and many of my peers were slightly stuck up and didn't live in the real world. Having said that, the academic support / teaching was excellent, as was the cultural / sporting opportunities.

Yes it is much better… DD had a two year stint in what is considered a very nice local primary (ofsted excellent etc) but from where I was sitting looked liked a shitshow, with lessons an exercise in crowd control.

her two private schools have been:
more encouraging and aspiring
more safety nets if academically you’re falling behind
less violence in the schools
more and better equipped facilities
smaller class sizes meaning it’s less chaotic
fewer daft as f**k rules which are all about policy

I would echo all this based on my own experience of a private girls school and my DCs' schools. I loved school and my DC have too so far.

I also unexpectedly made great friends with the other prep school parents when kids were small so that was a bonus.

The other side of this is that they may lose the connection to their local friends, as they no longer all go to the same school as all the other kids in the street, who may start to judge them for considering themselves “better”. So perhaps not fitting in at private school AND alienating themselves with the local kids.

Depends where you are, the private and state provision available, and you and your DC.

If happiness is you main concern then you need to consider how easily your DC will fit in. Are they likely to have similar life experiences to their peers at a private school? If not they may struggle to feel like they belong and can end up feeling like an ‘outsider’ even if they do make friends.

The other thing that can have an impact is that classmates will not be local, they will be much more spread out geographically so you will need to arrange play dates with friends and drive to them rather than DC being able to walk to a friend’s house after school.

The classes are smaller and the teachers are able to teach because they aren’t doing crowd control

You need to go for some tours/Open Days (both state and independent) and make up your mind about what would suit your child. I have taught in both sectors and do, generally, believe that independent schools offer a better school experience - not necessarily in the classroom, mostly in terms of extra-curricular opportunities. My own DCS are privately educated even though it’s a financial squeeze for us.

I do think in these cases there is something else going on, although single sex schooling may not have helped.

If it's a good private school you should get added value - smaller classes/more attention, a broader curriculum, more extra-curricular options.. so all in all more opportunities for your child to develop a range of interests and cultural capital that will serve them well in life. If you live somewhere urbanish, then you will get a choice of academic levels / styles so you can pick something that suits your child. If you can afford the uplift of a name school, you can get them a useful network.

So, as long as you do your homework, yes.

We found the opposite.