Politics aside, is private school usually a better experience of education for kids compared with state?

Seriously? "Gone woke"? If your comment is not satire, then you are both entitled and unreasonable.

Sounds more like Oxbridge are finally loosening the drawbridge chains on one of the last bastions of privilege. Dim state school students do not get into Oxbridge, and the hurdles that some of the most deprived students must overcome to get in are truly enormous. In 2023 over 33% of Oxbridge students were privately educated. Private school attendance is about 7% of school children in question. Private school attendance still buys a lot of privilege and is still an exceedingly good bet if you are aiming for Oxbridge as a destination for your children - rather than just aiming for well-rounded DC with a good education.

No idea. Why the obsession with Eton? It isn't typical of the vast majority of independent schools.

How old are your kids OP? Will you be able to afford private the whole way through for all your kids (bearing in mind that fees have been rising above inflation for years & now VAT on top)? What about extras like expensive trips etc?

Do you need wrap around care/the longer hours of private schools? Or do you want to be more actively involved in your child's day e.g. taking them to sports clubs, helping with scaffolding homework etc?

What are the state and private options in your area?

Do you want your DC to have very local friends that they can meet up with?

Do you have the capacity (in time and effort) to provide experiences that would round out a state school education? Clubs, learning an instrument, stage/drama classes? (We are lucky that locally the culture tends towards a lot of arts/drama/music opportunities in state primary, and also a decent amount in state secondary. I understand that this is not the case in many areas of England). Turns out my DC loves drama, and had the chance to take part in a number of performances (including national competitions) at primary. He wants to further pursue this at state secondary, and we also have an excellent youth theatre group locally which he can audition to join when he is ready. He's also really into sport, and we have been ferrying him to numerous clubs since he was four. His school has a number of teams for the main sports, but he is trying to set up a new boys' hockey team (currently only have girls' teams), and is being supported by the head of P.E. to do so. They are not so strong on minority/individual sports (athletics excepted), but do their best to provide support and encouragement.

My DC's school is not the best state option locally for academic results, but I discounted the most academic one for being pathetic at dealing with ALN (a form of underhand selection imho). We also looked at the very few private options available locally (and much further afield with a view to moving for his education), but they were either super selective, or a bit bumbling but traditional, or just run on a shoe string with exceedingly poor sporting facilities and at risk of imploding due to the (then upcoming) VAT changes, or put off by his mild but complex ALN. Also, they are businesses, and we realised the difference to LA maintained schools very quickly. Yes, state school bureaucracy can be a PITA, but you have certain statutory rights and there are processes that need to be adhered to. This is not the case with private schools. There are also cultural and language reasons for us to choose the local state schools rather than private.

I think there's a lot of things to balance in choosing a school for a child. Our DC was initially ok about moving to a secondary school which none of his primary peers would attend, but became increasingly upset about it as Y6 progressed. It looked as if it would be a bumpy transition, but has not proven to be so. So far he is much happier than he was at primary, and has made friends in class. He seems to feel that he belongs, and that is a really important feeling to have.

Lots of squaddies send their kids to Eton.

I think there are different ‘levels’ of private schools. There is two where I’m from and one is significantly more ‘prestigious’ than the other, though I don’t know why as far as I know, neither are selective.

One is definitely aimed at the wealthier as a day school due to it’s proximity to the ‘posh’ area and it’s the one every knows about. The other is in the outskirts and whilst it’s a private school, it’s a boarding school for Armed forces children too. It doesn’t seem to have the prestige like the first one. Again I don’t know much it except no one has really heard of it which is a bit odd

Good, about time someone tried to even the playing field

@GreenSox Some local authorities fund private places for dcs with high functioning ASD because it costs less than a suitable SEND school place. It's not rare.

My ds' school has quite a few state-funded pupils plus the forces part-fund boarding places for dcs of parents who are posted abroad. Diplomatic service too. We have about 20% army families.

We have two Ukrainian refugee families as well as Nigerian, HK Chinese, Dutch and children of American forces on secondment with the army in the UK.

I'm a single mum with a distinctly average salary. It's much more diverse than our local state school.

It's a waste of money now that Oxbridge has gone woke and started prioritising the state schools.

Do you live near Atlantic College or another one of the World Peace Colleges?

The intake you describe sounds a lot more varied than those of the UK private schools I have visited in the past few years.

Depends on so many factors really. But private is not necessarily better than state for every child no.
I went to private school.. my husband went to state. He has far far out achieved me!!
There are reasons beyond that than just the type of school.
I'd certainly consider ptovaye school for my kids if I had the money. Some have such wonderful facilities and small class sizes and opportunities..
But I do tend to think that if your child is in a good state school where they are happy and thriving then it's possible they will do much better there than in private. I do think the expectations and culture of private school can have a negative effect on some kids.

Every child and every situation is different.

If your local state school is in special measures and your child is one of those who will do better in a small class with individual attention then, yes, a good private school would be better.

Or the state school may be head and shoulders above the local independent.

And better at what? Music? Football? Art? Physics?

Our situation was a failing and dangerous state school, or a small rural, academic independent. Boy who loves science and maths and had been bullied at primary for being a nerd. Plus a 50% scholarship place.

I agee. They can have the positives but social diversity is certainly not one of them.

I think it depends what you mean by better.

Better facilities - yes
Better grades - probably not if you factor in selection
Better teachers - not always
Better communication - usually
Better ‘customer service’ - definitely
Better experience - not necessarily
Better social class - yes
Better social diversity - definitely not
Better funding - yes

Since when did the LA fund private school places? There might be the odd scholarships but that’s about it. It might also include 50% of international students in your area but that doesn’t speak for the majority of private schools necessarily. I wasn’t even referring to ethnic origin of pupils anyway as I assume most state schools are more diverse than the one you’re referring to.

I was meaning as whole. Those who are poor, those who are relatively wealthy, those with SEN and the cross sectional of society that you meet every day, not just the wealthy.

Despite what people try to portray, they aren’t your average families generally, except perhaps those that scrimp to send their child there, but I doubt that’s many. It’s not just the fees it’s the amount of money needing to be spent on trips etc that the parents also need to find. It’s less that 7% of the population who attend private schools so that’s what I mean when I say it’s not a true reflection of the real world.

Just to add, my DC is friends with a girl who attended the local private school but she decided to go to 6th form to a city comp and they became friends. They live in a million pound house, I’ve picked DC from a party there and her parents seem lovely. Their other children also attend the private school including 6th form so they’re clearly very wealthy.

The other family I know who send their kids to private schools have salaries exceeding £200,000k. I know this because she’s the sister of one of my best friends. It illustrates my point, these aren’t average families.

So many people, Including the OP, look at private for reasons other than grade outcome. Plenty of people gave given you examples of what that might be. It's not "erroneous" at all. That would suggest that all kids can thrive in any state school which is demonstrably untrue.
As to well rounded, in my town, the state schools are 99.9% white British WC. The private is about 50/50 international and domestic students with a wide difference in income. Some are funded by LA, some by international development charities, some by extremely wealthy parents, some by very ordinary parents scraping it together. Far more diversity and walks of life than the state. It's such a lazy assumption that they're all stuffed full of Etonian wankers.

No

Millfield or Mount Kelly?

I think there was high demand for places at my son’s school. I heard other parents complaining about children they heard were disruptive. Fees were high, those complaints went in quickly

I've seen the opposite happen, though, as well. Private schools too scared to offend paying parents of bullying children.

The behaviour was far better in Private.
At the local well rated state school there were a number of highly disruptive boys in my son’s class.Nothing was done and bullying wasn’t dealt with , whilst at the private school bullying happened but was dealt with .

From my own experience, yes. I went to a very good private girls' school that celebrated academic excellence and had excellent pastoral care. I thought school was like that for everyone until I went to university and heard about my friends' experiences and was honestly shocked at what was allowed to go on in their schools.

Young adult DC1 recently went to visit a friend who is working as a teacher at a top private school. DC1 described the facilities as "better than most universities" - there was a 50m pool, several rugby and football pitches and an electron microscope.

However their friend who has a science degree does not have any qualifications in teaching, which is obviously worse than a state school.

I would imagine that what makes most kids happy at school is primarily their friends and perhaps how well they get along with the teachers and how much they feel they are learning.

We went private for DS because he wasn’t super academic and dyslexic, so we wanted smaller class sizes and more dedicated 121 teaching which he wouldn’t have got in a large state school. It worked and he did very well in his GCSEs. The secondary school nearest us is very very good, so if DD’s are more academic they will get sent there rather than private

Depends on the child and the actual schools. Confident intelligent children who can advocate for themselves and are self driven and supported at home, do very well in good or outstanding state schools.
Kids who need extra support in any shape or form may well do better in independent schools that are quieter and more supportive.

However, each and every one of my friends with DC in private education right now regrets paying, due to cost of living etc and the economy. It may look like you can “afford it”, but they say that that huge amount coming out termly really hurts.

So I think great state school plus activities, plus tutoring, ed tech, home support is really the way most people are now going, especially if they have some days they can work from home.

I assume most people pay for the school in order to have the smaller class sizes, therefore better chance of higher grades. I understand that, because the higher the grades, the more opportunities there are to study at better universities.

You’re saying you’re not bothered about grades though so I don’t get why you would want to send your child to a school where the vast majority of children are from privileged backgrounds, therefore it’s not a rounded experience.

Imo you’d be better moving to an area with really good secondary schools then your child will gain a more rounded experience overall. They’ll meet people from all walks of life, not just the privileged few. They’ll also get a decent education.