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Original poster

Possible to not upset people over getting married without any family

179 replies

narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 20:41

We are planning to get married next year. We want to do a no thrills statutory wedding . Can only have two witnesses. Not even able to have dc there due to restrictions. So to not upset people we are thinking of having non family there so a co worker of dp and a friend of mine. We have even considered having random people from local fb page etc.

although I very much want to do it this way. I’m slightly worried that it is gonna cause fall out and upset especially dp family. Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:32

saraclara · 04/11/2025 21:26

My sister in law did this. Register office minimal thing with two witnesses.

They regretted it as soon as they left the registry office. They said it was a complete anti climax, and just so 'cold'.

Am 100% we won’t regret it. The actual act of getting married isn’t a big deal to me. It’s the being married that I want.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 04/11/2025 21:30

If I ever did it again I would absolutely elope - my parents eloped themselves. You can always have a bit of a party when you get back.

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:28

Simonjt · 04/11/2025 21:24

In that case a civil partnership is likely more suited as its just paperwork based, you don’t need to say any vows at all.

Show quote history

Nope we want to be married. I want to be his wife. I just don’t feel the need to say it in front of a bunch of people and spend money on it.

OP posts:
saraclara · 04/11/2025 21:26

My sister in law did this. Register office minimal thing with two witnesses.

They regretted it as soon as they left the registry office. They said it was a complete anti climax, and just so 'cold'.

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:25

Lavenduhhh · 04/11/2025 21:23

I think you mean "no frills" rather than "no thrills"

whoops autocorrect

not that big of a deal though.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 04/11/2025 21:24

narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:06

It’s hard because we want to be married but both of us really do not want a wedding for our own reasons- we want the marriage for commitment and security reasons but just don’t want a wedding whatsoever.

In that case a civil partnership is likely more suited as its just paperwork based, you don’t need to say any vows at all.

Lavenduhhh · 04/11/2025 21:23

I think you mean "no frills" rather than "no thrills"

DDivaStar · 04/11/2025 21:22

People will be dissapointed you wont change that.

The way to minimise this the most is to have strangers as witness.

In fact do that and just dont tell anyone is probably the best way.

Echobelly · 04/11/2025 21:22

People might feel a little disappointed not to have a wedding to go to. Some might be relieved. But if you're not including anyone, no one can really gripe it's unfair.

WellSurely · 04/11/2025 21:22

We did. Didn’t tell anyone for years. No one was upset. It would have been a bit mad to get upset about a ten-minute ceremony in jeans that took place five years earlier, and which visibly made no difference to our lives.

Littledot2 · 04/11/2025 21:20

We did this! No family and 2 hotel staff as witnesses.
Best decision we ever made ☺️
We told our family beforehand to avoid the surprise and disappointment, explained that we wanted to make better use of the money for married life and to become homeowners. Apart from my mum being a little disappointed, everyone else was actually really supportive and we got showered with gifts and well wishes (to my surprise)
Congratulations and all the best with your wedding!

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 04/11/2025 21:18

My son and DIL got married alone (aged about 28). It stung a bit but they are both the type to want to do it with out an audience. Good luck to them i say.

Yamyamabroad · 04/11/2025 21:17

We eloped in July and got married in a hotel. Two of the hotel staff were our witnesses so you absolutely dont need to " know" your witnesses. No guests, just us. In the package we had you could make it as simple as you like and take your dogs and children with you if you wanted. Just book this as a short break and take your child with you. DM me if you want more details

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:12

busybusybusy2015 · 04/11/2025 21:08

We did this. Things to know:

  1. You have to know your two witnesses. You cannot use strangers. At your interview, the registrar will tell you this when you describe your plans.
2) You won't get any wedding presents. If you don't perform for the crowd, you don't get rewarded. 3) Your MiL (and possibly your own mother) will leap to the conclusion that you're pregnant. So be ready to let them down gently and immediately. 4) Get your witnesses to take just a couple of photos to send to people (signing the register and such like) 5) Not sure why you think you can only have the two witnesses there. Are you sure? I don't remember that being a rule. 6) This applies to all weddings, and I really object to it : putting your father's name and profession on the certificate. What about my.mother, why not her?? I hated this. 7) Definitely dress up and carry some flowers. It's nice. 8) Decide what to do immediately after the ceremony. 9) I'd recommend it. No particular fall-out apart from the MiL's disappointment about no baby! 10) Be prepared for older relatives promptly changing your surname without asking! Go with the flow - it's no big deal, not worth getting into a fight over, if they address birthday cards with what they think is your new surname. Really doesn't matter. 11) DON'T TELL ANYONE (except your witnesses obvs) UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE DONE IT. 12) I wish you an absolutely lovely day. Congratulations and best wishes ❤️
Show quote history

very strict rules at our local office.

Register Office statutory room A brief and simple ceremony with no personalisation is available for couples in a statutory office within the Register Office building with two witnesses only.
Babies, children and further guests cannot be included in addition to the two witnesses and are not permitted in the Register Office building.

OP posts:
busybusybusy2015 · 04/11/2025 21:08

narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 20:41

We are planning to get married next year. We want to do a no thrills statutory wedding . Can only have two witnesses. Not even able to have dc there due to restrictions. So to not upset people we are thinking of having non family there so a co worker of dp and a friend of mine. We have even considered having random people from local fb page etc.

although I very much want to do it this way. I’m slightly worried that it is gonna cause fall out and upset especially dp family. Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

We did this. Things to know:

  1. You have to know your two witnesses. You cannot use strangers. At your interview, the registrar will tell you this when you describe your plans.
2) You won't get any wedding presents. If you don't perform for the crowd, you don't get rewarded. 3) Your MiL (and possibly your own mother) will leap to the conclusion that you're pregnant. So be ready to let them down gently and immediately. 4) Get your witnesses to take just a couple of photos to send to people (signing the register and such like) 5) Not sure why you think you can only have the two witnesses there. Are you sure? I don't remember that being a rule. 6) This applies to all weddings, and I really object to it : putting your father's name and profession on the certificate. What about my.mother, why not her?? I hated this. 7) Definitely dress up and carry some flowers. It's nice. 8) Decide what to do immediately after the ceremony. 9) I'd recommend it. No particular fall-out apart from the MiL's disappointment about no baby! 10) Be prepared for older relatives promptly changing your surname without asking! Go with the flow - it's no big deal, not worth getting into a fight over, if they address birthday cards with what they think is your new surname. Really doesn't matter. 11) DON'T TELL ANYONE (except your witnesses obvs) UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE DONE IT. 12) I wish you an absolutely lovely day. Congratulations and best wishes ❤️
Zempy · 04/11/2025 21:07

I’m hoping my DC will elope. Weddings are such a waste of money.

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 21:06

It’s hard because we want to be married but both of us really do not want a wedding for our own reasons- we want the marriage for commitment and security reasons but just don’t want a wedding whatsoever.

OP posts:
KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 04/11/2025 21:03

It will hurt people.

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 20:55

Celestialmoods · 04/11/2025 20:53

You can’t control other people’s feelings. If you want to get married without family there that’s entirely your choice, but you can’t stop other people feeling sad they couldn’t be there.

It would be extremely cheeky to ask your MIL to babysit while you exclude her from something you know would be important to her. If you want to cause the least amount of upset, tell them after it’s done.

Yeah I was thinking that it was dp who suggested we ask her. Think I’ll just look into a babysitter. People don’t even know we are planning on getting married at all so will be very easy to just do it and not tell anyone beforehand.

OP posts:
Elbowpatch · 04/11/2025 20:54

Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

Yes, yes and no.

We eloped. Just us and two witnesses we didn’t know. In retrospect it was a big mistake. It wasn’t a great start to a marriage.

Celestialmoods · 04/11/2025 20:53

You can’t control other people’s feelings. If you want to get married without family there that’s entirely your choice, but you can’t stop other people feeling sad they couldn’t be there.

It would be extremely cheeky to ask your MIL to babysit while you exclude her from something you know would be important to her. If you want to cause the least amount of upset, tell them after it’s done.

LightDrizzle · 04/11/2025 20:49

Definitely get the babysitter and don’t tell people in advance as you’ll be hounded.

Tell then afterwards as a “happy surprise” - long before it gets out to wider friends and potential social media. Brace yourself for some bad reactions.

CrossChecking · 04/11/2025 20:47

We got married with no family and nobody seemed to mind. We got married abroad and told everyone beforehand what we were doing.

LightDrizzle · 04/11/2025 20:47

I haven’t done this although I only had 8 people at my second wedding.

You are absolutely right go for non-family witnesses so all family is being treated equally.

I think you have to expect people to feel a bit nonplussed and hurt but they’ll get over it. I suspect there is some background to this decision although friends who did it have great relationships with their respective families, they just really didn’t want a wedding, just to be married. Funnily enough the people who got the hump with them were a couple they were close friends with.

I hope you have a lovely day!

Original poster
narnia2025 · 04/11/2025 20:47

We are in two minds of whether to tell people or not.

if we didn’t we would have to get a babysitter for the youngest as we were considering ask dp mum to watch them but I’m not sure if that wouldn’t go down well or not.

OP posts: