Possible to not upset people over getting married without any family

Just do it, get it over with, don't tell anyone immediately. Change your name. If you use witnesses you know then I wouldn't tell family that.

Personal experience - get strangers off the streets as witnesses. My cousin married with none of us there, we all accepted it, as they said it was a no frills, no fuss thing, and their wish to have nobody there. We saw pics later, flowers, nice outfits, and two of their friends as the witnesses. My aunt and uncle broke their hearts over it. They were “fine” with the no fuss wedding, but the thought that they were less important than two friends was very painful for them. No back story, a normal happy family.

My ds got married and told nobody until the next day

I was really upset to be told via text but it did make sense-my family are narcissistic and I'm the nc scapegoat

There would have been words/a fight if we'd been in the same room (not by me,but my presence would have set someone off)

End of the day,it was their day and they did what they wanted

My family can laugh as much as they like about me missing out-they didnt get an invite either

By no family, you need to mean no family. No exceptions. And no friends either, because that just leads to accusations that you treat your friends better than your family.

I’d probably just drag in two randoms from the street.

I do think eloping to do this,’without telling anyone in advance, is a good plan. Seems more spontaneous, less likelihood of someone getting funny about it.

I can completely understand your reasonings and don’t think yabu at all. In fact, I’d like to o the same (but for civil ceremony - we are opps sex but I just don’t want the actual marriage thing). I like the idea of random witnesses, and if we invited our non-shared adult children then it would be great if they wanted to but other than that I feel no need to tell anyone else about it at all, it would be pure legality. But if they weren’t able to come then I’d like to pick a couple of randoms too! Coincidentally, I have just offered my services to someone asking for random witnesses to their own ceremony that’s in my home city - and that was on here - so could be very exciting! I’ve seen it work out in here numerous times when you see posts looking for witnesses!

Ask your Mum (or the person you are most concerned about upsetting), hypothetically, how she would feel if you told her one day that you were married. You’ll get the answer then.

Would you want to have a meal and a drink in a pub afterward with the parents and children to raise a glass? Would that be tolerable to ease the fact you cannot have family there?

You should totally get married and I would suggest grabbing a couple of people off the street to witness

Good summary, I think.

You know the people around you best, you know what's likely to happen, you're best qualified to perform the balancing exercise.

It obviously depends where the Registry Office is however finding random witnesses on the day usually isn’t that hard.

We did exactly that mainly because we didn’t want anyone to know we were getting married.

To this day other than the 2 random people we coerced into assisting on the day, I think the only other person who knows we are married is the solicitor who amended our wills. Our parents, relatives and friends have no idea.

We got married for IHT reasons as we had a newborn DS and wanted to protect assets for him. We’d already been living as a couple for nearly 20 years beforehand so nobody ever mentions marriage to us anymore.

Sorry, but I don’t think there is a way of doing the tiny ceremony you want without causing any upset. Most parents want to see their kids get married, even if that is signing papers wearing jeans and t shirt.

Only you know how upset your respective families (and children!) are likely to be. Then decide if whether causing that upset matters less than spending £400 to have it in a room which would allow your family to attend.

It’s important to remember too, that just because there are attendees, it doesn’t need to be a big thing. Sign some papers, have a glass of Champagne, then all go about your day. Maybe that is still too much for you, but no one can answer that question but you.

Best of luck and congrats on getting married.

Oh god not this again. You'll get a subset of people responding to this who have done the same saying it was brilliant for them. You won't get those who they upset.

No need to tell everyone beforehand . That just upsets people certainly don't announce it and invite some of the immediate family but not all. That's a recipe for hurting people. Just be fair and equal. So no-one in your case.

Perhaps give people a bit of space to feel sad. Afterall they have probably invited you to things out of obligation even if you think it was because you were really wanted. Usually people invite people to weddings to thank and recognise help and support they've been given.

Personally I'd just be kind and invite close family and take everyone out for dinner. But it's essential that its just you then just elope.

Op whatever happens remember this is a lovely great thing, you sound blue over it, don’t let the practicalities take away from how brill it is!!

i’d do option 2. That way you don’t have to worry about the stress of finding strangers or upsetting friends with your choice.

have a wonderful day.

I just said we can only have 8 people ( that was the smallest we coud book as it was last minute) and that wouldn't be enough for all our siblings and partners. We stressed that it was just for legal reasons and nobody was upset I don't think.

My sisters and brother did us a 'Sten' night a few months after the wedding which was a good compromise.

We had our two best friends as witnesses.

It was a lighthearted comment. To answer your question: no, you probably can’t do this without offending people. But your marriage, your choice.

A “no thrills” wedding sounds depressing. I’d expect a bit of a thrill when getting married, whether in a registry office or anywhere else.

In your circumstances I would go with a friend each - assuming that, if you could be guaranteed that nobody else would be upset, you would want the friends there.

I have a couple of friends that I would trust 100% to be discreet if I wanted. Not that other friends would deliberately drop us in it, but they might find it stressful to have to keep a secret. I would pick the tight-lipped trustworthy friends so that you retain control over who finds out.

Not really. It was a maximum of 12 (we didn't have the full number) and we just had parents and siblings. We told them where to be and what time and booked a table online at a pub for afterwards.

No one tried to persuade us to do anything else or invite anyone extra as it was immediate family only and that's a fairly established group.

Didn't have flowers or wedding style dress.

That's good to know, it certainly wasn't made clear to us at the time and it did seem odd. We had our adult DC as witnesses. I don't think I could have handled the stress if I had to look for witnesses on a Monday morning, as town was pretty deserted!

The registrar will check the names of your witnesses before the ceremony begins. Even if you’re asked to send them in advance, I’m sure that isn’t binding. Just a courtesy. People change their witnesses at the last minute all the time.