Barely surviving - single mum

Think you just have to tough it out for now because it will feel easier when nursery costs drop away.

Are there extra things you could do at work to help you earn a bit more? Take one a new qualification or optional role that might add a few £k?

It would help if you gave a breakdown. For instance, I am a single mother and earn less than £40k. I overpay my mortgage each month by £200, and save £200 each for Christmas and birthdays and holidays. I don’t have a lot left over, but I’m happy knowing everything is paid for.

My mortgage is normally £604 however, so if yours is £2k it makes a huge difference. How much are you spending on food, etc?

It's hard to know if you should be able to cope on your 60k without any idea of your mortgage/ rent costs.

You really don't need to be going on holiday with nursery aged kids. Park that idea for a few years to get past the nursery cost stage and a bit of time to recover. Rather than letting it get you down.

How small is your house that you can't stay in it long term. Again, this is not something to dwell on now, and moving forward you can spend some time thinking creatively about how to make a small space work rather than letting it get you down.

Focus on the now, don't add to your stresses by catastrophing about the future.

She said he’s paying half of nursery.

Not the point of the thread, I know, but what sort of shitty world do we live in where somebody earning £60k is struggling to get by?

And it feels like it’s only getting worse for everyone, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

What are your actual outgoings OP? If you list them we might be able to offer some advice. Your net salary combined with the support from your children’s father is around 4k a month, which is a reasonable amount. It does sound like he should be contributing more though.

He doesn’t seem to be paying for nursery tho

How is he not paying ?
He has them 40% of the time and paying £300/ month maintenance.

I feel your pain I too have very similar income and outgoings. Am dreading the budget as a 2p rise would mean around £70 a month more in tax. I live hand to mouth now anyway with few treats, no holidays etc.

usually people cone back and say ‘could you earn more?’ But you have a good wage, on paper. I see your point about your ex stepping up to 50% then you not getting anything via CMS. I would be wary of that too. My only real suggestion is try and reduce housing costs? I also think divorce is the way forward. But you’ve split equity 50/50, he pays 50/50 nursery, he gives you a bit of money, which you don’t want to risk him withdrawing…it is a really tough financial landscape across the board right now.

You’re not alone, things are really hard for a lot of people right now. I’d say although you can’t save, you are managing and that’s commendable. There’s a lot of stress and pressure as a mum with Xmas approaching so start buying small bits now if you can.
Can you sell stuff on Vinted? I’ve made over £500 on my unwanted stuff recently so it’s possible to top up your income a bit. Any options of working from home a couple of days? Save on petrol and potentially have a child home one day a week - not easy but can sometimes work, my employer accepts people work at home with kids around during school holidays/sick days.
Do you have family who could perhaps pay for something like swimming lessons or any clubs your children do for a Christmas present.
Eat less meat and use a cheaper supermarket? reduce heating costs buy wearing thermals? Any small dents in cost of living might make you feel more in control but it is basically really hard going right now.

You’ve likely done this already, but check you’ve got the single person discount on your council tax. You can also ask for instalments to be spread over 12 months rather than 10 - this may or may not be helpful to you.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

A side thought, but as you are still married make sure you make/update your will.

Wouldn’t him having them 50% and paying half of nursery be better?

I wonder if you reduce to three days at around 40k would you be entitled to nursery fee support and support with the rent part of your home? Check on benefits calculator to see

Spread sheet with outgoings and income. How many subscriptions are you paying for? Could you get a better deal paying for your phone? I know they seem so small but we saved a bit looking at odd bits like this

I think selling 50 50 before divorcing was a mistake.

You can pay from divorce proceedings and should have been advised of that by a solicitor, many of whom offer a free half hour.

I'm sorry you're in this position but you need to take a break from work and seek proper advice because you'll stay stuck in this loop until you divorce and can start afresh. There really isn't a way around it I'm afraid. You're trying so hard, I can see that, but until you move to divorce you'll be re-treading the same burnt out ground.

4k a month coming in -

how many kids ?

nursery days are expensive - ideally you save beforehand
cut things like clubs and hobbies and activities are playing in the park because they are wants not needs - focus on needs first

How much roughly do you earn a month, OP? For comparison, I earn about £2k (term time only however), husband earns around £2.5. Rent is well over £1k and only benefit we get is CB.

Could you move to a cheaper area?

I have been in a similar situation OP.
Living on an overdraft and working additional hours.
Very frustrating, isn't it
Take care OP

I would ring a citizens advice service to check re:entitlements. You may need to consider moving if your mortgage payments etc are running you into the ground. How many kids and how old?

Have you shopped around for all your bills and expenses and have you tracked your spending for a couple of months to check where money is actually going and to get a clear picture? Any debt outside of your mortgage you're paying?

I think you need to work out what he should be paying and then look into whether it's worth going via cms.

If he's a high earner and things are amicable would he agree to pay the divorce costs to get you both through it? What was the reason for the divorce? In my case it was unreasonable behaviour and my ex will need to foot the bill for the divorce itself as opposed to the financial agreement which is split cost.