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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men!

58 replies

Mummy621 · 04/11/2025 19:33

Am I being unreasonable here?? Iv been busy with the kids all day while partner been at work 6-2 so Iv had two kids home all day then picked the rest up from school been rushed off my feet since they got home then just made 8 kids dinners then made the baby a bottle and came sat down and said do you need me to get him his response “what now he’s asleep” so I said eh I’ll happily sit on my backside holding the baby whilst you do everything else I don’t mind he obviously didn’t respond but it’s annoyed me sooo much

OP posts:
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Ineke · 06/11/2025 07:19

you maybe could have had a conversation before you started a family about division of the childcare. No matter he has a job, he still should be more hands on with the childcare, unless you agreed at the onset to do it all yourself. Either way, perhaps ask for help from him.

Yamamm · 06/11/2025 05:56

You’re both tired. It’s easy to feel like a martyr and do the competitive tiredness thing but he wouldn’t have felt like he was doing nothing after getting up before dawn and working then settling a baby. Communication is key and sounds like you’re both just snapping at each other.
If you’ve chosen to have 4,5,6 whatever children you’ve both chosen this life and need to work together. He may or may not be useless depending on many factors but you don’t post clearly so I dunno.

Ariel896 · 06/11/2025 03:46

Flinderskleepers · 05/11/2025 07:21

Less kids, more full stops please.

😂😂😂

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 06/11/2025 03:32

Does your DP ever deal with the older children? If he only wants to cuddle the baby then I'd be annoyed too as let's face it that's a lot easier than dealing with older children.
If that is the case you need a cal. conversation where you decide how many evenings each of you deal with the baby/older children. So one night he cooks and gets the children to bed while you look after the baby, the next day you swap.
If he does also normally look after the older children too then YABU. It's annoying when you have to spell out to your partner what needs doing but if you don't you are just going to end up angry and burned out.

JohnTheRevelator · 06/11/2025 03:04

OmNomShiva · 04/11/2025 23:24

Perhaps the utter lack of punctuation, spelling “I’ve” as “iv” and the incomprehensible stream of thought posting style - with no pause for breath - has thoroughly confused your audience. And if you’re like that verbally in real life, then perhaps you’ve alienated ALL MEN! your husband and father to your 9 kids.

Agree! I find it really hard to read threads like this.

sharkstale · 05/11/2025 20:18

OP, I completely understand what you're saying, most people commenting are just being dicks for the sake of it. My dp does nothing but sit in the living room while I do absolutely everything else, and seems to think he's a huge help just for being in the same room as the baby. It's frustrating.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/11/2025 19:17

DaisyChain505 · 05/11/2025 19:15

I will never understand how women have multiple children with men who are incompetent and lazy.

Dont just rush around passive aggressively. Be direct and use your words.

“DH, whilst I’m making the kids dinner can you go and sort that washing out.”

”DH would you prefer to wash up and tidy the kitchen or do bath time.”

Remind him that you’re both the adults of the household and they are both your children.

Use your words.

He was already dealing with one of the children, the cranky baby.

DaisyChain505 · 05/11/2025 19:15

I will never understand how women have multiple children with men who are incompetent and lazy.

Dont just rush around passive aggressively. Be direct and use your words.

“DH, whilst I’m making the kids dinner can you go and sort that washing out.”

”DH would you prefer to wash up and tidy the kitchen or do bath time.”

Remind him that you’re both the adults of the household and they are both your children.

Use your words.

Wednesdayonline · 05/11/2025 19:08

People on here are ridiculous sometimes. Yes OP I would also be annoyed if I did all of that and then my partner made a cranky comment about the fact I hadn't helped with the baby until then. Perhaps in future you can take the baby earlier and he can do half of all the rushing around x

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 05/11/2025 19:00

OmNomShiva · 04/11/2025 23:24

Perhaps the utter lack of punctuation, spelling “I’ve” as “iv” and the incomprehensible stream of thought posting style - with no pause for breath - has thoroughly confused your audience. And if you’re like that verbally in real life, then perhaps you’ve alienated ALL MEN! your husband and father to your 9 kids.

Precisely. Somebody had to say it.👍

pinkypoo8 · 05/11/2025 18:13

Well it would wouldn't it - one is hard work enough so if you got a shit partner to go along with it having more kids just makes your life more miserable but you've explained the kids had friends round but it doesn't make it an itrelevant point - what's the point in saying it's your body et cetera if you've landed yourself a shit partner and decided it's a good idea to have many kids with him of course it's a salient point to have made

Original poster
Mummy621 · 05/11/2025 08:51

Flinderskleepers · 05/11/2025 07:21

Less kids, more full stops please.

So many lovely people on this site! Not all of the kids are mine!! Did you understand that sentence??

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy621 · 05/11/2025 08:50

PollyBell · 05/11/2025 06:18

So you have 9 kids?

As stated above for those who can read not all the kids were mine!!

OP posts:
Flinderskleepers · 05/11/2025 07:21

Less kids, more full stops please.

Devilsmommy · 05/11/2025 06:25

PollyBell · 05/11/2025 06:18

So you have 9 kids?

No, she hasn't said how many she's got. Her kids had friends over, that's why there were 9. I think

PollyBell · 05/11/2025 06:18

So you have 9 kids?

ohwoaw · 05/11/2025 05:27

What exactly are you upset about?

Original poster
Mummy621 · 04/11/2025 23:50

WallaceinAnderland · 04/11/2025 23:38

Why did you offer to get the baby when he was already holding the baby right next to you and the baby was asleep?

Because he might have needed a minute as he hold him of him for a while and was cranky he had only just fallen asleep as I made the bottle

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 04/11/2025 23:38

Why did you offer to get the baby when he was already holding the baby right next to you and the baby was asleep?

Chimneyonya · 04/11/2025 23:24

I love threads like this on Mumsnet. Fair play to you OP with your 9 kids 👏🏻

OmNomShiva · 04/11/2025 23:24

Perhaps the utter lack of punctuation, spelling “I’ve” as “iv” and the incomprehensible stream of thought posting style - with no pause for breath - has thoroughly confused your audience. And if you’re like that verbally in real life, then perhaps you’ve alienated ALL MEN! your husband and father to your 9 kids.

SheSaidHummingbird · 04/11/2025 23:10

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/11/2025 22:49

It’s a fairly basic question on a thread you’ve started about running around after all your kids and your husbands laziness about it. It’s not like I asked you what colour your car is.

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Burberry

Original poster
Mummy621 · 04/11/2025 23:07

BauhausOfEliott · 04/11/2025 23:04

So, you were basically cross with him because he was being a parent by taking care of the baby, and you didn’t deem that to be the right kind of being a parent?

It sounds to me like you were in a shit mood and would have found something to be pissed off about whatever he’d done.

Show quote history

No I was annoyed because when I got a minute to offer help with the baby he said what you wanna get him now he’s asleep as though I’d just been sat there doing nothing I literally didn’t have a minute to sit down for hours but like I said I would happily sit there and hold the baby while he’s making dinners ect but he doesn’t offer that yet feels like he can make me feel crap 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Pollqueen · 04/11/2025 23:07

I am lost. Is it just me but no idea what the issue is

BauhausOfEliott · 04/11/2025 23:04

Mummy621 · 04/11/2025 22:52

I didn’t say he was lazing around I said he was holding the baby I was all day then doing stuff for kids after school until I offered to get the baby my issue was his reaction when I offered to get the baby my point is I’d happily sit on my backside holding the baby whilst he did everything for the kids

Show quote history

So, you were basically cross with him because he was being a parent by taking care of the baby, and you didn’t deem that to be the right kind of being a parent?

It sounds to me like you were in a shit mood and would have found something to be pissed off about whatever he’d done.