To only fly home to events we are both invited to?

You do not have to always travel together. Just decide for each event and if they coincide with others orwhatever. Making a rule is not necessary. Maybe you canonly come back 3 x a year. When your quota is up is up except for emergencies

The whole post reeks somewhat of 'we're so special". Go or don't go to things, if you're like most people, only a small number of people will care all that much whether you come to things when you have moved abroad.

I’d play it by ear, if you both go to everything you are invited to separately you may end up with no shared annual leave. If you say no to everything you may loose out on some lovely experiences and damage friendships.

I get where you’re coming from OP.

I know a few posters have said things along the lines of “you should be able to travel alone, you’re an independent woman” etc etc. But maybe you don’t want too. If I was travelling to another country for a wedding, presumably staying in hotels etc, I’d like to do that with my partner. I CAN do that alone, but it would be nice to share the weekend with my partner. To me it’s a bit different than attending a wedding down the road by yourself.

I think this is fine, and I understand your conundrum here. If you decline with the excuse “we only come together” it runs the risk of them thinking you’re angling for a plus one, and then offering the plus one. But then if you dont use that as your reason and they see you tending other people’s weddings in your home country, they may be offended. No real advice from me, jusy want to say I hear you!

This.

it actually makes more sense if only one of you goes more often than not. As it’s cheaper and it’s more likely that you can stay with family or friends.

This. The "issue" is the number of events you are invited to. If you were both invited to all events - say every 3 weekends - you wouldn't accept all of them. Each go to the ones that are most important (and convenient/possible given work and travel time and cost).

If you are making a life overseas, you can't expect to be able to attend all the events in your home country that you would otherwise have done. If you are flying back every couple of weeks, you won't start to build that new life overseas with new important friendships.

Yeah, we kinda choose our partners because we "genuinely love spending time together". Surely the OP doesn't think they're more special or different for feeling like that??

The thought process behind prioritising ones we can go to together was that we genuinely love spending time together

I can’t articulate why but there’s something quite odd about this statement. I mean, most people love spending time with their partner, this is not an unusual situation. If you”re in it for the long haul, you’ve got the whole of your lives to spend time together. Do you really need to never chose to do anything separately?

You’ve only been together a couple of years and only recently started living together. Honestly I’d be surprised if you’re invited as a couple to weddings yet. They are expensive and most people don’t invite a huge number of guests anymore.

Don’t risk your own personal friendships to prove some sort of point about your relationship. Go to the events you want to go to, for the friends you want to be there for. Regardless of both being invited or not. If it is too far away and you’re not that fussed about being there, don’t go.

Agree.

I wouldn't commit to such rules. What if you/your partner can't get leave from work? Are you really going to sit at home alone and miss you best friends wedding, while your other half is off at work?
And even though you're both females, do you really expect that she be invited to all your friends events that women would usually attend on their own (by reason of being the nearest and dearest) hen parties, baby showers etc. Obviously, living abroad, you won't be able to attend most of these anyway, but perhaps there'll be a few you would like to attend?

Don’t do anything based on save the dates. It’s rude, because it comes across like you’re saying you don’t want to be there no matter what. By the time an invitation comes, it might include both of you anyway.

This. Don't bother explaining rules.

I don’t know why you can’t go to things separately- one flight is cheaper than two so cost is no excuse.
You’re in your twenties, no childcare commitments, been together just 2 years and only just started living together - don’t announce to people you will only attend as a pair. Totally sours an event for an organizer and drama.

You say it is only a 2 hour flight - with an attitude that it is long-haul. Either you want to attend your respective events or not - people didn’t force you to move. I live overseas, we are married and we do things separately when we choose.

What is reasonable in my opinion depends on how far away you are. I think family should be prioritised, and perhaps Christmas or Easter. You don't want to be spending a lot of time in airports.

It would absolutely look like you were angling for a plus one if you included the "rule" in your polite decline. It would look absolutely batshit if you told everyone about your "rule". Life doesn't have to be this complicated and it definitely has more than a whiff of main character syndrome.

There will be some drinks, and a couple of dinners to say goodbye, you will leave the country and everyone will just carry on as normal. Except you'll be over there somewhere. Sometimes you'll come back for stuff, sometimes you won't but nobody will really be that fussed as to your reasoning.

I don’t think you explain your rule, I think people will think you’re hinting. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have that rule though. I’m also the type of person that prefers my DW over anyone else and I wouldn’t want to come home for an event unless she was with me.

You can decide anything you like about coming back but this rule seems arbitrary. You’ll lose a lot of friends over those two years. Why not prioritise the ones you like most?

It sounds like it's not about being able to, but more about wanting to be together.

Which is fine as long as both partners feel the same way.

I prefer traveling with my DH than friends. It's cheaper as we share a room / double bed and we know each other's foibles.

Never complain, never explain.

Better to politely decline any invitation that does not meet the secret criteria.

In a few years time, I'm sure they will be delighted to attend events on their own. Bliss!

YANBU, I would say you have limited annual leave so need to prioritise events where you can travel to and attend with your partner.

I wouldn't make that decision and I've been married thirty years!

Go to whatever you want to.....in pure Mumsnet language it's an invitation not a summons.

Absolutely. Is this rule a jointly made one?

If i has the time and money to come home for an important event like a wedding i would even if partner not invited. She could still come back and visit her own friends and family if it suits.

If I couldnt manage all the events I would prioritise the people I am closest to. It wouldnt be about my partner being invited or not.

That's a good point @FenceBooksCycle . It's not just finances, you don't want to be burning all your leave on coming home instead of spending time off in your new country.