Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

As long as the value of the inheritance is greater than the cost of employing the private companies who offer this service by a reasonable margin, what is the problem here?

Maybe I'm older than the average poster on this thread but it's infuriating to think of being told to declutter to save my lagatees the bother of dealing with it.

All mine is going to charity and they aren't trying to tell me to get rid of my clutter so they can keep more of the value of my house!

I've also watched my husband declutter the loft and garage over the last 2 years because he thought he was dying and didn't want to leave me with the problem.

It absolutely crucified him, mentally.

I wouldn't ask it of anyone.

Those saying that OP is being selfish and in laws have a right to keep whatever they want have obviously never had to deal with clearing a parents house! It’s horrendous; time consuming, emotional, back breaking, stressful, demanding, endless and the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My darling Mum passed suddenly at 69 and was in the middle of living life so hadn’t ‘prepared’ at all. For my sibling and I clearing her house has been so hard. She kept a neat and tidy house but lived there for 44 years (our childhood home) and so had a fair amount of ‘stuff’. I have vowed that I will not put my own children through that and will start to declutter myself but by bit so that they don’t have as much to do. Anyone who just doesn’t bother to do this is leaving loved ones with a hard task.

Your dad and gf thinking it's a huge joke is exactly what I see all the time in online hoarder groups. It's amazing how protective and proud people are of amassing so much stuff and leaving it for someone else to clear out.

As someone who has this task ahead of her x2 (two houses, and just me to do it) I sympathise with you!

YABU. This is a complete waste of your energy. Inheriting anything is a privilege. They may live for another 30 years and a lot can change in that time. Please park this - it really isn’t worth stressing over.

….er….but….I mean, that’s not…did you read the…ummm….

Doesn’t matter.

I feel your pain, OP. I don't think anyone who hasn't been in this situation can truly comprehend it. I see posts regularly online from people posting random items from charity shops "how could anyone part with this" and I immediately can think of either my mother or father's house- two houses rammed to the rafters with accumulated 'stuff' which would take a year of full time work to sort through, each. I will be the one donating those items!

I spent more than a month this summer at DF's house in the USA. His entire ground floor was full floor to ceiling of his partner's stuff, who has since moved into a care home. I was only allowed to clear it out because he was fed up of it, and because the county was threatening to condemn the house if he didn't have access to the exits properly (actually a much longer story there, and not needed for this story!)

So because it wasn't HIS precious 'stuff', I could clear it. Sorted through most of it to pull out items worth donating, thankfully charities exists which will come pick up if you pack it up. It was hard work.

He wants me to keep everything in his house when he passes. There is no chance of that happening, but I don't tell him that. As some have said, hoarding is a mental illness, and my telling him "hell no dad, I'm hiring people in to clear the whole place!" doesn't serve any purpose but to fill him with anxiety.

But do I wish that generation would think of the people who will have to deal with all of that? Yes I do. Neither of my parents had to deal with this from their parents. 'Collecting stuff' is a relatively new phenomenon. The glee with which I see people in hoarder's support groups proclaim that "ha, ha they'll have to deal with it when I go! Why should I get rid of these things now!" I don't know, maybe just think of your children? I'm an only child and my lasting memories will be of the task of filling skips of the relentless piles of stuff in these houses.

The one positive is that it's made my house much better. I know I don't want to leave DS in the same situation.

They’re old and won’t change now. Shen the time comes get a house clearance in

Leave them in their happy hoard. It doesn't matter what you do with it when they're dead. They won't haunt you. There will be good stuff so you should supervise a clearance company whrn the time comes.

Thing is a lot of stuff like you described (old tools, old costume jewellery, crystal) DOES have value, but you need to know what it is and the energy to sell it.

Have a look at 'Curiosity Inc' on YouTube, hes based in Canada but there are other people all over the world that do the same. Basically buys 'old crap' people want rid off from estate sales, house clearance, abandoned storage units etc... then sorts the trash from the donate and anything with value (often overlooked stuff like vintage toys, old name brand tools, old advert pens, empty cans etc...) he sells in his shop where he has a dedicated following of collectors.

If you can find someone near you that does that they might bulk buy off you for a set price then do all the work themselves (assuming its not 'bio-hazzard' hoarding just 'lots of old stuff').

I don’t see it as selfish from their pov- their stuff means something to them and they want you to have it. So it’s not great but it is well intentioned. Try not to see it as their junk but talk to them and steer them

No point arguing with hoarders.
an 8 yard skip where I live is £400 plus VAT.
you will probably need a few.

local charity shops, fb marketplace and possibly car lot for the rest depending how keen you are.

Yeah hopefully. I wouldn’t want to inherit a house full of crap.
having helped my friend have to clear out her mums flat unexpectedly, keeping things is literally a waste of time. We didn’t even go through it all, it was piled high in rooms. There wasn’t time and she didn’t have the energy through her grief. It was all literally bagged up and tipped. And it really made me think about what my children will have to go through when I’m gone. And one things for sure, wading through piles of plastic
meat cartons is not going to be it!!!
I would never put them through that. And yes, I would rather my mum left her house to somebody else if that was what I was going to have to do. So whatever shame you’re attempting to put on me there has missed the mark ☺️👍🏼

Perhaps have a quick check first, to make sure you're not binning any lost Leonardos or Constables? (Good idea to do this tactfully before the need arises?)

It's very selfish. DM left things tidy for us. There's still tons to do when someone dies, even when they haven't hoarded.

Someone I know bought a house and the previous owners children didn't want any of their parents stuff so let the new buyers keep it

I have been through hell with my hoarder parents.
Mum and step father who passed away within a few months.
Terrible tat everywhere , floor to ceiling with stuff they thought was worth money.
It took 9 months and every weekend to clear it , many of it free to good home.
Heartbreaking at the same time as they actually thought that they were doing us a huge favour .
Because of this I have massively de cluttered to save our adult children the same task.I emptied our loft and garage and got rid of bulky furniture too.Probably went OTT but I was so upset.
I was very angry at them and now my Dad and his wife think it's a huge joke that their house is just as bad and bigger.
Well I am not touching their house.
You need to tell them that they can choose which house clearance company you can use when they are gone and do they think that you want this stressful task ?

This! Honestly, nothing you say will get through to them. Don’t bother telling them you don’t want anything, it won’t stop them. My dm recently downsized but still has stupid amounts of crap. I have told her repeatedly that I will do a house clearance when she dies, plus it all stinks of smoke.

Hopefully it will change their minds who they leave the house to as well.

Your parents in law are of the “make do and mend” generations children.

The war was years and years of very little shop bought food, not a lot of clothing etc etc.

My mums mum would wash the elastic thing that held the chickens legs together because they were handy, and plastic bags holding goodies aka crap hanging from nails in the cellar.

Hoarding, is an illness, where the hoarder holds on to possessions when they have/or are dealing with the loss of something in their life.

Perhaps explain to them how eBay works, and help them start to sell their possessions because it would be lovely that someone has paid cold hard cash for an item, therefore the buyer must really really want that item and will love and cherish it as much as they do/did.

If it doesn’t sell, they will know deep down why you will skip the lot!

No it bloody isn't!

If I have a relative in rented accommodation it is neither my place to tell them to live in a different way than they want to nor to sort it out for the landlord.

Landlords rent property to make money. People dying in your property is one of the costs of being a landlord. It is not the responsibly of their tenant's relatives.

I'm guessing you're a landlord?

Are they of an age when they could require social care? If they need any carers to come into the home to support them, the house will need to be in a state where that can be done safely, otherwise they will have to have a clear-out. It might be worth explaining that to them. If they do it themselves and keep what they REALLY want, it will prevent social services insisting on a clearing company who'll just clear out everything to make the space safe. While they are there, watching everything go.

I would tell them that when they die you will be hiring skips and
chucking it all in there. So they may aswell
give it to charity etc now. If you’re crystal clear about the fact you will literally throw every single thing in the house away, it may change their minds.

Well I am guessing you are going to be inheriting the house They’ve “hoarded” that for you. If you don’t want the bother then give the house and its contents to a charity. But I am guessing you want the house!! One day you will be old and your children will be telling you to clear your “rubbish“ so that they can have their inheritance with no work attached. How very unkind of you to tell them that things they may value and are attached to are junk. Why say anything at all? Why should they not live out their lives in the way they want? Theyve saved and worked for whatever theyve bought. And they brought their children up. Just be grateful that they are both still together, living independently and that one day you may inherit a substantial property. Unreasonable..?!!! You damn well are! ( PS. They may have left it to the cats home after your DHs entitled conversation! )

You will be gaining a huge inheritance and complain about the work involved in that…. I,m speechless, most folk i know inherit zilch…

Just tell them you plan to get a skip and a few extra hands to help just toss everything

it’s not your place to deal with all their shit