Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

I'll probably inherit a similar set up. My parents grew up poor, managed to become relatively much more affluent, but still have scarcity mindset.

My husband and my brother spent a day with a hired transit van emptying a double garage, which has been refilled. They had a house fire and the house was fully cleared to allow repairs, much stuff was written off, and they insisted on having it back to dispose of themselves, but instead they kept it and cleaned it.

I think you just have to accept you'll inherit a massive house and the downside is you have to clear it. You won't make any progress while they are alive and risk that their decluttering efforts will involve moving their stuff to your house and backfilling any space in their house with more stuff.

At the moment, you need their wellness and friendship. You treat them kindly, so your children also treat you the same when your time comes. When you inherit their full house, you have all the advice above.

Why be so cruel? The stuff clearly matters to them. If the house is owned by your PIL the estate can cover the costs of disposal.

I have been through it this year. Huge house stuffed to the gunnels. British heart Foundation took all the furniture and mobility aids. A local nursing home took hundreds of books, cds and dvds. All clothing, bedding and fabric stuff went to the village recycling. Dad's fishing gear (a van full) went to a charity that takes disadvantaged kids fishing. Endless supply of china collectables, binoculars and cameras to vintage cash cow which was more than enough to hire skips for the rest. Local scrap metal chap took masses including white goods and gardening equipment. The local cubs/scouts took stuff for jumble sale.
A lot of very expensive stuff utterly worthless.
It took 4 weeks. The local church group were great, they knew which charities to contact for a lot of the stuff.

You leave whatever you have to a cause that matters to you.

Not quite the same, but I'm an only child with no children of my own. Some of my cousins have heavily hinted that I should just organise a direct cremation for myself. (As I've said above, I've already told them to get in a clearance firm if I've not finished decluttering. However, I've also told them where my jewellery is so that they can sell it for cash for gold, etc.)

It's my cousins who will inherit. There won't be a lot - I have several cousins and my house would be very lucky to sell for 150k if it's not already gone in care home fees.

I know that they're not overly sentimental. Rather than sharing their mother's jewellery, they sold it and shared the money.

I know it's stupid of me, but I'm a bit hurt that they don't want the bother of attending my funeral. I'm thinking of just organising what I want and not worrying as to whether or not anyone is there.

I know. I am a solicitor. But that’s what I meant by we went and took what we all wanted. I should have also said needed. I also knew where her documents were kept. Which was helpful. But then I just got someone else to do the heavy lifting of the ‘stuff’.

if you get someone reputable they will do that sorting for you. Put the papers in a box for you to review etc.

my parents are chronic hoarders. They live in a house I own so I will just be inheriting clutter. Mum knows what I did with my great aunts house. She threatens to hide fivers in books etc. I will still just get a house clearance person to sort it out. I know where their wills etc are. I don’t need anything by else.

surely its more respectful to support someone in their choices while they are alive?

Oh, man. No, they won't clear a place with bedbugs. Your relative needs to get rid of anything that's been bed-bug-ised. Or have the pest people do the house-heat treatment.

I have the same. They’re closer to 80.
literally every scrap of paper, junk mail or anything they ever come across. 4 bedroom house + 3 sheds + office + 2nd property filled.

You may have to hunt through cupboards, drawers - everywhere really for valuables , important documents,etc so you can’t just ask house clearance to clear the lot. Some very important documents could end up in landfill. They won’t be conveniently placed in a neat pile , ready to take to the solicitor!

sad for who? the person who lived there will be dead and the person who calls in the clearance has made their decision......

Christmas is coming, gift them a book:
www.amazon.co.uk/Nobody-Wants-Your-Sh-Decluttering/dp/B0BQPW1XMT/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qxP_WRCtX0o94O3kZ0cwFykhI1e7PvFI6rbZwZyASql2AqYijRsqZFuz58pX4btejUQTl6umsY3SQPNlgb15j3RSNefw6n93tzH-cyeF7S4.ok4HdnjTfENS4EGuD3jhSv9stbr1opVvvxz4h4Ppgz4&dib_tag=se&keywords=nobody+wants+your+shit&qid=1762373015&sr=8-1

It was their stuff and they were only doing what the Op wanted.....

I have done it. It wasn't horrendous emotional or demanding although of course her death was. We removed what we wanted to keep and used a clearance company for the rest. We had the comfort of knowing that our mother had lived the life she chose where she chose to live it surrounded by the stuff that gave her comfort.

Well, it was a bit stupid of them to get rid of jewellery without asking if you wanted it!!!!

When my great aunt died. We went to her house. Each took the things they wanted. We got someone to clear the house. It is people’s jobs. You pay them a fee. They sell some bits for you and dispose of the rest. It’s no effort necessarily. It will be fine. Just let them be.

You are cruel and unkind.
FFS you don’t get to tell someone what t expect to “inherit”
Fuck me I’ve head it all now.
The world is full of entitlement these days

Just coming out the end of it and I feel your pain. However if they don't want to sort it before they go, you can't make them. However they won't actually have any say over what you do with it once they are gone!

I find hoarding very depressing, I visit a wealthy neighbour who has filled a 3 bed house, loft, cellar and 2 storage units with stuff, few bits are valuable. her daughter knows at some point, the lot will go to skips. charity shops dont want stuff, clearance companies charge high fees....so she will budget around 3 / 4 k for the skips.. a small one is now £600 plus £120 for the permit .its sad as neighbour is just accumulating a delayed land fill !!

Poor you 💐

Next time you go round there, make a note of broken items they won’t notice has gone. Take it to a dump asap

My grandad was a hoarder. He lived 2 hours from us. When he became unable to stay in his home due to dementia we moved him into a care home close to us. 3 of us went over to his house for a day and took anything of sentimental value. Then employed a house clearance company to take the rest. It was sad knowing stuff is grown up seeing was going in a skip but it had to be done.

The sad reality is, anything of value will be lost amongst the shite.

When the time comes, just in case there's anything of value in the house, ask the local auction house to take a look. Then call in a house clearance firm. Or you could have a garage sale.....

Time passes fast, at least some of what seems like junk might in fact be saleable - I was miffed when I found out that a bag of IMO plug-ugly costume jewellery I'd binned was a sought-after vintage brand. Going through the hoard & checking for things like that is very time-consuming though.

If they're true hoarders it's unlikely that any paperwork you may need after their passing will be ready to hand & any genuinely important/ valuble items are as likely as anything else to be stuffed in overflowing carrier bags under half a dozen boxes of washers & string so a lot of sorting will probably have to be done by someone anyway. Really your only decision is whether you have the time & fortitude to do it yourself or whether you'd be better off with one of the sources of help other posters have suggested.

Bear in mind that when it's a couple there can be a sort of folie à deux element to it & when only one of them is left, that person may in time be more amenable to sorting & sifting.