Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

I did this for my mother recently and single handedly cleared out her house in 2 weeks. I was absolutely brutal. I have already started doing the same in our house as I don’t want to inflict a whole lot of clutter on my children when the time comes.

I like the idea of Swedish death cleaning but you can’t realistically expect people to chuck out their stuff to make it easier when you inherit. There will be work to do but most of us have it to do sooner or later. Loads can be chucked out or recycled, the British heat foundation take furniture and appliances is they are ok, vast amounts can be charity shopped, or you can just use a house clearance company and get it all done. Skips are expensive though and a whole house of junk will need need a lot of skips.

You need to try to put this out of your mind. From experience, you cant really force the pace on this. And although you dont feel it, they are relatively young. Youve no idea how long they will live, or how their latter years will end. If you're left with all the junk you can get it cleared really quickly. Believe me. But they may end up in care or having to move. No point getting upset now.

I Clean my 89 year old Fathers house every week. I put things in the dustbin and bit by bit, I am clearing cupboards. Last week I threw away about 50 Carte D’Or Cartons and piles of metal coat hangers

I’d leave the discussion now as they won’t change. When they die, take any bits you might want then get a house clearance firm in. Knowing this is what you’ll do should give you some peace, and the in laws will be no wiser.

I wouldn't worry about it. Clearly they think they're doing something nice for you. Just get a house clearance service in when the time comes - problem solved.

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Thing is, they won’t be there. Just nod, then when they go get the clearance people in. It isn’t worth upsetting them.

Had to do this recently. MIL and her partner were hoarders, such an addiction. I think it came from poverty mindset, kept picking up more and more 'deals. I had to handle it all this year, my poor husband couldn't cope with any of it. Took me weeks of clearance for what I could cope with, and trying to find the more emotional mementos amidst it all.
About 32 full black bags of pure rubbish I did, not even possible to charity shop those. Around 25 bags and boxes to charity shops. And we then paid a clearance company, took 2 men the best of 3 weeks on and off to empty the house.
You can't change them, it becomes part of identity, and represents their life.
Just save up, try to get your husband to find out what's sentimental etc.
Worst thing is saving all the photos, and then having zero idea who all the people are, because they're not labelled or if they are might not be more than first names. So sad .

Maybe giving most of your money to charity would be a better idea?

i have sympathy. But. Leave it to your brother who will inherit the house. Just walk away from it.

I haven’t read all of the comments, but the ones I have read, have no sympathy for your in laws.
Thats really sad. You have to remember, these are items they have saved up for, bought over the years, and each item probably holds a memory or has a special meaning to them. Yes, I understand it may be junk to you, but in older age having your possessions around you gives you great comfort. Let them be happy with their things while they’re here.
Worst case scenario you get in a house clearance when they are gone. Think to yourself, if someone came into your home and told you to get rid of most of the things you loved, how would you feel?

My in laws were the same shelves and cabinets full of crap There intension was to leave the house to the grandkids and leave her 4 children with all the contents

I have this ahead of me too so I sympathise. My mother has filled all our bedrooms with excess clothes and junk to the point I can never stay there, can barely get into my old bedroom. She has never given away anything to a charity shop. Her own bedroom is packed with boxes up to the ceiling, and the ceilings are very high. She has 3 sheds packed with broken toys etc that she insists on keeping for the grandchildren, but you can't even get to them. My dad has various other rooms and sheds all packed with junk. He also has his business premises packed with stuff and his own house full of junk. I have 3 siblings who are also hoarders, so I imagine it's all going to fall on me to clear this mess. Makes me really angry that they won't get rid of anything. Also we already know one of my hoarder brothers will be inheriting the house.

Found you a cartoon 🙂

Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I’m in the same position as you with my in-laws and it wouldn’t occur to me to make a fuss. The in-laws are entitled to live as they please, and when the time comes there will be enough equity to pay for a clearance company. Just view it like a predictable expense that will come out of the estate, like funeral costs.

If you’re interested in the photographs, ask your in-laws to write on the reverse side the names of the people shown. Many a genealogist or future genealogist can vouch for the frustration of this not having happened.

@Xmasiscomingsoon Weve just spent nearly 9 months helping to clear out PIL large house as they were downsizing. We were there one day a week doing it and it was a nightmare. It would have been so much easier if they weren’t there! Mil was literally raking through a skip and taking things out (things like old copies of the Daily Mail 😡)

Anyway my advice is to not worry about it and deal with it when they’ve gone.

Just use a charity shop to get rid, they will be dead so won’t know the difference

I haven’t read the whole thread, haven’t been in your situation as both our surviving parents were extremely good at minimising their possessions but what we have inherited and kept (which might be useful for you) are photographs and certificates of births/ baptisms/ marriage/ awards together with letters between family members. These occupy a couple of small boxes in total. Perhaps you could ask your in-laws to collate theirs and designate somewhere to keep them. You wont have to search everywhere for them when the time comes plus one day you or your DC might be interested in them.

There's a guy on Instagram who is going through the problem of him & his wife being left with a huge amount of supposedly priceless possessions (from his wife's grandmother). Might be worth a look, it's Nick Fox Radio.
Thankfully my mum has been trying to declutter but they still have a ridiculous amount of stuff!

Sorry, they are still alive and you are already thinking of what to do with their stuff when they die? Are you sure you won't die before them? What a strange predicament. 'They have a massive house' - presumably, you would be delighted to get your hands on it - or are there other potential legatees?

If they are real proper hoarders, which is a type of mental illness, nothing you say now will really help.
So the only thing you can do is agree with your DH that you might make one pass through the house and take anything of sentimental (or real) value. And then you engage a house clearance company to do the rest. You do not need to be there when that happens.

But nothing you can say now will be useful or helpful to your ILs or even your DH.

Sorry, it is hard to see, but unless you can get an outside agency involved now (and even then, not really) nothing is going to change.

Same. I went through everything in a couple of days and worked out what I wanted, took a load of stuff to the charity shop, and got a clearance company to handle the rest.

If only. I could have filled ten skips from my dad’s house. It would have cost a fortune and there just wasn’t the money to do it. I can’t tell you the many tip runs I did. Lots of freecycle stuff. It took me months! I’ve been ruthless. Just saved a few pieces of furniture that I loved and a selection of photos/ornaments/keepsakes.