Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

House clearance companies make their money by finding stuff of real value and put it up for auction or sell to antique dealers.

So after they are no longer with you or one has moved into care , then first check to see if any items appear to be of value and then google or check with chatAI.

That is a mean and ignorant response to tell your parents possibly carrying on from wartime generation that it is of no value.

They lived through the fear of being bombed and conquered and since all the country’s gold and wealth was to be taken to Canada the population left behind would have been used as slaves.

Imagine living with that fear and you gather round you stuff which you think probably unrealistically would help you to survive.

It’s Remembrance Day on Sunday.

I think for a lot of people the definition of a hoarder is "someone who has more stuff than I can be arsed to clear out".

Or alternatively "someone who has more stuff than I think they should have".

Doesn't matter whether you think it's selfish of not, I don't think they're going to change their minds, so not worth stressing over.
If your husband is the sole heir, then he can do whatever he wants with their belongings once they are gone.

Maybe choose a few items of sentimental value to your husband then get a house clearance company to take the rest.
Charity shops may be grateful for some of the stuff if you're prepared to sort through it to pick out the best stuff.

I agree with most posters, there’s not a lot you can do. My mother is also a hoarder and I have tried multiple times to discuss with sincerity with different approaches including trying to make space so that myself and her grandchild can safely stay with them. These conversations have never ended well and my mother clearly finds it very difficult and upsetting to be confronted about it.
like others have said, one time she wouldn’t speak to me for weeks after having the conversation…. have a think now about what might really be worth keeping or trying to sell and get a clearance company to deal with the rest….

"At the same time, I can't imagine putting my DD in the same situation in the future knowing that she wouldn't want the stuff.
I feel like it is part of my responsibility to at least try to reduce the burden for my DD, but I know we are all different."

I think op it's important to remember that that this is you thinking things through in a clear headed and logical way. Your in laws are not in that place within themselves and are exhibiting very disordered thinking. Some people are always like this and unfortunately some become like this when they age or as a result of trauma/dementia or other vulnerability. So really any of us could start to exhibit hoarding traits the way they do. Just because they aren't living in squalor doesn't mean they aren't 'hoarders' or at least have traits of hoarding. There's definitely enough here to be concerned about the profile they fit and the examples you've listed are examples of disordered living.

I think I wouldn't think too much about it now, it's a bridge you know you will unfortunately have to cross when the time eventually comes and reasoning with them is unlikely to actually connect. I agree with pps that really all you can practically do now is set money aside specifically towards house clearance and at least you know in advance and can plan for this issue with the house. I would also look into hoarding in general and try to get more information on it and ideas of what support if any operates in your area as its very possible this could get worse rather than better as time moves on particularly if one is left alone in the home. At the moment if they're in reasonably decent health they are maybe able to keep on top of the cleanliness aspect.

This is what house clearance companies are for.

Presumably you’ll be inheriting the house along with their “stuff”? Don’t be so horrible to this couple , their treasures don’t have to be yours and clearing a house is a small price to pay . People saying “hoarding is a mental illness” etc - they like their things, they obviously don’t live a minimalist life but doesn’t mean hoarders or mentally ill! I think you’re terrible selfish people

Urgh I share your pain. I've been there and done that and TBH I'm still recovering from the house clearance trauma 2 years after the house finally sold. Tip runs, skips, house clearance, charity shop runs. I still have some stuff to deal with 3 years later! I ran out of energy. Desperately trying not to inflict the same on my own DD when the time comes... it was a decent size 4 bed house, double garage and 3 sheds all full to the brim. I swear I could feel the house breathe a sigh of relief as its burden was lifted...

Well according to MN as soon as you hit 60 you should move out of your home into a rented room, hand the money over to your “hard done by DC”, be available to provide unlimited childcare whilst never expecting anything in return, only ever speak to your DC when they contact you etc

Clearing out your own house to save the DC having to pick up the phone to call a clearance company is a natural extension.

Luckily IRL my DC and all the others I know are nothing like the bizarrely entitled threads which appear on MN.

When my DP died I had thought it would be easy enough to clear their tidy, uncluttered home. BUT .... In the attic I found a massive collection of other relatives' rubbish that DPs had taken on when they died, old stove hobs, gardening stuff. In the house itself the built in cupboards were bursting at the seams and I found loads of my childhood stuff which I thought I'd got rid of years ago (I'm in my 60s now). Nobody had any room for their precious repro furniture (and it wasn't to our taste anyway). The local charities were able to take the 3 (!) microwaves, all the rest of the kitchen equipment , bedlinen, clothes, and all the furniture away, and we all did loads of trips to the tip with the stuff that nobody could use. But it took nearly a month altogether, as we couldn't be there full time. And this was a seemingly easy home to sort.
I would strongly recommend a clearance company in your case.

no that would be mean. You just have to learn to live with it, and then just junk it when the time comes.

But get the Swedish Death Cleaning book for yourself and make sure you don't pass a similar burden to your own children.

That is part and parcel of being a landlord. The landlord then hires the clearance company and sends the bill to the estate unless there is no estate in which case its an expense offset against tax. Just as the landlord expenses will include any other repairs, maintenance, refurbishing between tenants.

Nobody is responsible for costs and debts incurred by random relatives.

Then surely he can clear it and pay for the clearance?

Hubby and I have been through this. We didn't bang our heads against a brick wall trying to make them understand their stuff isn't worth keeping. Don't say anything.
In their final years there is no need to tell them that what they have valued and acquired over the years is junk. At some point they must have derived pleasure from whatever it was.

Just get rid afterwards in a way that suits you.

You’ll presumably do quite well when the in-laws’ house is sold. Until then, they can enjoy living with their accumulated stuff and you don’t need to fret about it. Make sure you know beforehand which items really are of value to you and DH, whether jewellery, art or truly sentimental treasures, take them and pay a house clearance firm to remove the rest.

I know my DDs won’t want to keep eg my entire family’s school reports, old correspondence and boxes of photos, they’ll chuck it all in a skip but I don’t see why I should throw away the paper proof of my memories.

This!!

I see things from another side.
It was quite upsetting that my parents decluttered pretty much everything before they died, not even considering that my siblings and I might like some of the many items they gave away to charity shops. Their choice of course, but disappointing that they gave away family heirlooms.

Ooohhh FHS get over yourself. It’s the easiest thing in the world to get a house clearance outfit in when they’re both gone. You’ll be in your 70’s before you know it too, btw. Only redeeming factor of your post is that you don’t appear to have any ‘Be Kind’ tendencies.

There’s something quite chillingly heartless about all this. What are they supposed to do then, clear everything now and live in sterile simplicity for potentially another 30 years to suit you? Get rid of things they have worked for and enjoyed because they’re not your taste? Is there really an expectation that the older generation should tidy up before they go? It should be up to them to decide.
If they are genuinely hoarders, keeping stuff to the extent that the clutter creates a dangerous environment and show signs of mental health issues then let DH lead intervention to make them safe. Otherwise turn your conversation to something else and enjoy your family while you have them. Pay a house clearer when the time comes but let Dh save his choice of memorabilia that represent the special history of his family.

Smile and nod. When they pass, do whatever you like with the accumulated shite and sell the house.

I think you’re probably underestimating the amount of stuff they have!

At least you know what do get them for xmas this year…. A copy of the swedish death cleaning book 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can't you take what they offer and put it on eBay, or the local social media site in ''free or for sale''?

There are people who buy in bulk things like books and DVDs and tools are very useful, especially old ones. Not everyone can afford a set of electric/motorised tools and hang them on peg boards in the garage. There are enough poor folks who would buy them.

They could be dropping a hint that they want you to help clear it? You could tell them you are hiring a skip and can you put it at their house for them to put all the stuff they don't want into it?

Remember, though, 'in their 70s' is younger than you think. 67 is the retiring age so they have only just begun the rest of their life. They may need their stuff if they live to 90. The lady opposite me died last year at 95.

They could just be teasing you every time you moan about it.

I honestly wouldn’t argue about it…. When one passes you could possibly get the other to clear some stuff then… but if not you simply either hire a huge skip to clear everything or pay for a clearance company to come in and clear the house on your behalf!

I am currently supporting a hoarder to clear his house to make it safer for him…. It’s a mental health condition and they can be quite combative as they believe everything either has value or might come in handy… there have been cases where people have cleared hoarders houses and thrown away only ‘junk’ and the person has committed suicide because the feeling of loss is so huge! My old man wouldn’t let me throw away a broken mug because it was from somewhere he’d been on holiday…every single thing in the house has value to them…
He has accepted that the house is a danger to him and he is now allowing me to through away somethings - mainly literal junk that he should’ve just thrown in the bin but instead put in the spare room to throw away later - but it’s still progress!
To us it’s odd because the things he actually treasures like photos and books are buried and getting damaged …
Today while clearing I found a gorgeous chair…. Several bags of clothes still in their packaging which he’d forgotten buying and was absolutely thrilled with, I managed to clear a pathway to his wardrobes so he can actually hang his clothes up and my plan next week is to put everything in tubs and clear the bed so he can sleep in it… His wife died 20 years ago and today I found a pack of pants and a brand new nightie he’d bought her before she died….. that’s how long the room has been left untouched… the carpets have carpet moth… that’s the level of neglect…. He’s overwhelmed by the clutter but terrified precious cleaners would throw away something previous or useful…. I’m able to understand and empathise and he seems to trust me fully as if I say ‘what about this, can this go’ and he says no… I say ok…. And it’s out in the keep pile, no questions asked…. No judgement…. I’m grateful he does trust me because I’ve cleared so much stuff over the last few weeks, I’m sure I’ll soon be on first name terms with the staff at the local recycling centre 😂😂
I think you need to ease the pressure on your in- laws and just have the mindset that when it does come down to clearing the house you either clear everything yourself or pay someone else to do it…
I wouldn’t stress about it though, there’s no point - and actually you applying pressure or judgement will increase their anxiety and their need to hoard.
So when they say they’re leaving you their hoard, smile and thank them…
Also if they ask if you want any of their shit now ‘hey @Xmasiscomingsoon could you make any use of this worthless piece of white?’…. You respond ‘oh yes please MIL that’s just what I’ve been looking for… could I take this too as I really need one for xyz’……. Then dispose of at your will!
if she asks how you’re getting on with something just say ‘yeah it’s great thank you, my friends borrowing it ATM!’ Before you know you know it all the things she offers you and you usually decline because they’re crap, will be out of their house and collected by your bin men/donated to charity or whatever!

My friend does it to her mum lots, she has a corner where she puts things she doesn’t really want but doesn’t want to throw away because they have value…. My friend says ‘OMG can I have this?’… ‘I’ve been looking for one of these/need one for work/friend is desperate for one of these etc….’
They’ll often part with things if they think it’s being put to use!

goodluck

I feel your pain! Like other people on this thread have mentioned you will not change their minds.Best to just get in touch with House clearing companies when the time arrives.Order skips.What really puts me off with hoarder's are often they are dirty! My Mother & stepfathers flat was full of mice droppings, decaying food in the fridge,dirty carpets & floor coverings, cigarette butts in over flowing bins.It was a awful way to live! They did not wish to change their behaviour,as then they would no longer be victims! I know they say it's due to mental health,but I think it's also about control! Whatever I suggested was met with one excuse after another.Their selfish behaviour deeply affected my mental health,the neighbors had to endure the smell & the environment.