Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

We inherited a house and it took 5 skips to clear it, but we did that and moved in. Was it hard work? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. Do I have sleepless nights thinking about that time now? No. It was over and done with within a few weeks. We now have a house with no mortgage, and a good life because of this, so the trade off is of course worth it.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking the elderly family member to strip down her belongings to make her life easier for us before she passed. All those items brought her comfort, joy and familiarity towards the end - they were her home and her sanctuary. Our job was to support her and give her love and companionship towards the end, not say "right Ethel, which treasured item of yours will you throw away please to make my life easier once your dead?".

Just say yes dear.
When they die ypu just pay hpuse clearance.
Bhf will do it for a fee they will come and quote.
It was 600 bit that was after a major clearvout and 600 fir a skip . So all you need to know is some of inheritance will go on paying skip and or house clearance before house can be sold

We've inherited a load of stuff from my in-laws. My MiL was a collector, royal doulton figurines, Toby jugs and those teapots shaped like houses. Her jewellery is mainly costume but we also have a few items of quality. These are going to DD as the next generation of females.

In someway the best and worst is her collection of antique Dutch silver spoons. They need to be valued as there's literally a trunk full of them

DH also finds it hard to get rid of things at low prices, things like the figurines and jugs were expensive when bought and are just collect dust for a few pounds. I'd call in a house clearance company but DH is convinced they just scam you.

You have my sympathy. On the other had my dad has had a major clear out so there's very little stuff left.

You have my sympathy.
And the clearsnce may not be when they die, it may be when they go into a care home. Then you have the expense of the clearance without inheriting the house.
Hoards are a nightmare.

It isn't selfish really. Hardly anyone leaves this world with a beautifully ordered life and nothing for their family to sort out. It is very normal to clear out your parents' house when they die. It's actually easier if it's all stuff you don't want as you just get a clearance company to take it all. It's harder to sift through it if you know there are momentoes but can't find them.

Don't try to change them now, and why be cruel and tell them it's all crap you'll be chucking the moment they die? Even if that's the case, there is no need to tell them that.

If you do inherit then you can look on the house clearance as the price to pay for that.

It will likely be the easiest few hundred K you will ever make.

If you don't think it is worth the effort you can always renounce the inheritance and walk away from the whole lot with zero effort required on your part.

Or if you can't be bothered to clear the house you can always auction it with all the contents intact as part of the deal.

Honestly, I'd concentrate on the positives here and just see what happens. If you really inherit the stuff , then you can sort it out then. You'll be pleased about the bug house.

Smile and nod - what's the point in arguing? They won't know what happens after they are gone.

When the time comes keep anything you want.

Then get a house clearance company.

Or
Fill many boxes of stuff suitable for Vintage Cash Cow
Many bags of stuff that really is OK for charity shop (don't dump useless stuff on them)
Many bags of stuff to go to the recycling centre (old metal tools etc)
Much stuff to throw away
Furniture: Marketplace or see if British heart Foundation will collect anything sale-able

My dad got a clearance company for my grandma's house. She wasn't hoarding but just had loads of stuff from leaving there all her life.

We took anything we wanted to keep and then they came in, had a look through and gave him a quote for the lot. He didn't have to do much and everything was gone in 24h.

It's not just about how they're living, it's the expectation of what should be done with their possessions after they pass. It would be different if they understood that it's not up to them once they're gone, particularly if they were willing to make sure items of genuine sentimental value were kept separate from the old CDs and the like.

Order a skip, fill the skip, job done.

My FIL is the same and my SIL have picked up on his tendencies.

It is a very difficult condition and I am absolutely dreading when the time comes having to deal with them especially with regards to MILs belongings which they will not be able to part with but it is not a now issue so I’ll leave it where it belongs in the recesses of my mind.

Clearance companies will do this work. They have efficient processes to categorise everything. When the inlaws pass on, you can get a couple to come around and evaluate the hoard - if there is clearly some valuable stuff in amongst the junk they will do the sorting in exchange for a price based on the value of the worthwhile stuff they identify. If there's no evidence that any of it is valuable you'll just have to oay for a big skip. But it's way better for them to do that for you to - if family members set themselves the task they get sidetracked by guilt or nostalgia and it takes much longer, so leave it to the professionals .

Have a search for your local Emmaus and get a quote for clearing service of whole house when the time comes.
Will cost thousands by the sounds of it, but you’ll be supporting a homeless charity, whilst solving a problem.

Charity shops and a big skip will sort it once they're gone. You're not going to change them now so no point falling out over it.
We were pretty ruthless with my parent's stuff tbh. I think they'd have been horrified but then they were never going to know.
I took a few photos of objects I remembered from my childhood before getting rid of them as they certainly weren't things I'd want in my house.

I dunno, maybe I'm feeling sensitive to this as my sibling has openly said how much tat is in my parents house and how difficult it will be when they die. They are in ok health, and have some lovely things that I look forward to inheriting, like my mums collection of christmas plates and dishes, the christmas decorations, nice family photos and some furniture that I grew up with.

Yes there a lot of tat, but that'll go to the charity shop after they are dead. I think it's heartbreaking to consider how much money is spent on stuff that only gong to end up in the bin when it was someone's treasured possessions!

The company we used split everything into three vans … charity, auction and last resort, dump. They then took a percentage of the auction amount.

Either get a house clearance company in or take out anything of value and have a garage sale and sell it off very cheap one weekend. What hasn’t gone give away the next weekend.
Whatever you choose to do just don’t tell them your plans

You are being massively unfair OP
They are perfectly entitled to live in whatever state they want with as much clutter surrounding them as they like

As others have said just get a clearance company in. We did this with my in laws, didn’t take as long as I thought and wasn’t hugely expensive, about £800 for a 3 bed semi.

No point in saying anything about it in their later years, let them do what they want. No point upsetting them.

I really really would try to detach from the stress of it. Perhaps tell them once you wont be keeping ANY of it. Then don't bother trying to convince them after that. When they pass Id do a whole house clearance.

I saw a post on "dull men's club" on Facebook where a fella had helpfully and gleefully taken two sheds worth of man shed stuff away for free. 🤦

Perhaps before getting a clearance company in you could do a few open house days where people can take what they want for free? Charity shops often pick up items too.

You can't change them sadly. Just resign yourself to the fact they are mentally unwell and it will be something you all have to deal with when they pass. 😔

I don’t think there’s any point trying to discuss this with them, they are not going to see sense. The house will have to be cleared when either the last one dies or goes into a nursing home and you need to sell it to pay the fees. By which point they will be in no position to influence what happens and, if they are still alive, won’t have any means of checking up on what you’ve done with everything from the nursing home. I’m afraid you will be stuck dealing with it, but as others have said you can pay a clearance company to do it for you. If the house is owned the sale price should more than cover it. In the meantime, there is absolutely no point getting stressed over the situation when you cannot change it, and it’s better not to damage your relationship with them trying to change it.

Yes, it's selfish.

However, it's also not something they have the power to require of you. You can get a clearance company to sort it all out. It was not remotely unreasonable of DH to tell them the truth, but they evidently don't want to hear it so just proceed on that basis.

My husband is facing similar and totally overwhelmed. He and his family are "sentimental" ie terrified of throwing things away in case its useful for an unknown purpose at an unspecific point of time i the future.

We agreed a pick through to retrieve the better things and then we would hire professional clearance company and remove the cost from the estate

In the interim, do not let this live rent free in your head.

You can't turn down what they want you to inherit!

When they die, just call in a house clearance company who will sell anything of value and get rid of the junk. You will have a little left over.

My parents spent so long decluttering my grandparents house after they died that they're now decluttering their own stuff!