Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

The point is, there'd be nothing to take on if PILs hadn't engaged in this particular piece of selfishness. They could've just not done it. And DH being clear with them has had no impact at all.

so long as they don't keep taking stuff out, they will be welcome.

Have this with my stepdad. Nightmare. Any suggestion of starting to clear stuff out now is met with fierce resistance. Even a massive pile of bricks in his outhouse. Apparently, they're valuable and he'll sell them online. This from a man who has zero SM and doesn't even have a mobile phone

Truth is they don't care as when they're dead it's not their problem. It's very selfish

@Xmasiscomingsoon would they agree to at least put all useful paperwork together in one place perhaps with your help. At least then you would know about insurance, utilities, banks etc. If amenable might the6 then agree to gathering up photos in one place.
I notice a pp said just pop in and have a quick look, not at all doable as trash and treasure tend to end up totally admixed

No, you are not being unreasonable. We had exactly the same situation. ILs weren't exactly hoarders in the strict meaning of the word, but they never threw anything away, even when it was broken.

So we had a three bed bungalow to clear in COVID when tips and charity shops were shut.

What we did, as we had plenty of time as the world outside had stopped, was cleared the biggest room and moved the kitchen table and dining room table in. This became a sorting room. So the contents of drawers, cupboards etc were transported in to this room and put on the tables to be sorted. Then each of the three bedrooms were allocated a different purpose:-

"Us" - which was stuff we wanted, stuff that could possibly be sold and stuff other family members might like.

"Charity shop"

"Dump"

As soon as we could get a skip we had a roomful of stuff to go straight in it.

We boxed up the stuff suitable for a charity collection and got it collected by a local charity warehouse.

Furniture was collected by LA disposal services at a cost.

It was a faff, and made more complicated because of circumstances, but once we had a plan of what to do it fell into place.

I’m in the process (fingers crossed) of selling my late parents property.
Large house both lived there over forty years. So far I’d say it’s 90% cleared.
four large skips. Over 30 bags of clothes for charity shop. Hired a van, and filled it for local dump. House clearance company broke up and took all the heavy furniture, that nobody wanted. One more skip to go and we should be there. It’s costly, time consuming and at times very upsetting. My son and I still have flashbacks to the day we tackled the ‘loft of doom!”😮

They wouldn’t part with anything, my dad in particular, “incase it came in handy “, hence a garage full of broken tools, strimmers, kettles, empty paint pots, two broken lawn mowers. The loft had 19 empty quality street tins in it! Often I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so sometimes did both.

They won’t change OP, when they were both healthy I’d suggest a clear out, offer to pay for a skip, but they refused point blank. It’s a horrible process.

Sympathies, personal experience! This is sadly just one of life's things to accept get on with when the time comes.

Four piles. Bin, donate, sell, keep.

@godmum56 that might depend on whether you believe in an afterlife or not ….relative might be looking over your shoulder whilst you load the skip!!

this.

But the loved ones don't have to take on those expectations? They can either be clear with their relis or they can just nod and smile. They don't have to worry about "what Mum or Dad will think" or how they will feel because they will be dead.

Like others have said, you can't change them, so just accept that you know it is coming in the future.

My MIL is similar. A lot of her furniture she paid a lot of money for 40 years ago, so still thinks it will be worth a lot know. She wants to get rid of stuff, but won't accept it will only sell for small amounts. Constantly contacting auction houses as she believes everything she owns is worth a lot.

DH and I have accepted it will be up to us to clear it all once she is gone.

There is nothing to be gained by getting stressed or annoyed about this now. Why waste your energy?

Be careful about attic storage! I emptied my attic last year because I have got a trashed knee and was beginning to struggle to get up there. This year (actually 2 weeks ago) a squirrel got in there and I needed to get a pest controller in. He commented how unusual it was and how beneficial to have an empty attic because otherwise someone would have had to go through the boxes to dispose of what was chewed poo'ed on, nested in or all three!

It won't matter then, no. It matters now because of the expectations they've laid out whilst still alive and the impact this is having on their loved ones. They could've carried on living happily amongst their hundreds of DVDs without doing that, the two things are separate.

Unfortunately it’s quite possible you’ll have to do it before any inheritance if one or both go into care / have to downsize.

@MagpiesAreBastards my sister and I have what we call Heirloom Avoidance Syndrome. I feel like I’ve become allergic to all the stuff. No doubt my son will also come to feel I’ve got too much to deal with but certainly at the moment I happily accept it’s worth nothing to anyone else.

surely it doesn't matter if they understand or not because they will be dead?

Honestly ,the likelihood of 2 elderly parents both being able to stay living in a large 4 bed house up to the age of both their deaths without reliance on family or care earlier than that is pretty low so don’t stress!

Argh, the Toby jugs and Doulton figures, see also Crown Derby, Royal Worcester, Portmeirion and I don't know how many other 'collections'. Cupboards full of 'family silver' and 'family glass'. None of it of any real value, yet all of it worth a few pounds. I absolutely dread it.

There’s a difference between functional houses full of an enormous amount of stuff, houses with known but unfindable valuables as per @Dontlletmedownbruce, and pathological hoarding. Your parents sound like the first. In which case, don’t spend 20 years worrying about something that will take a few weeks when the time comes.

My mum had sorted her stuff out. It still wasn’t easy at all to do, especially as she’d moved into a nursing home rather than died. The worst bit was trying to prevent sibling blowups about various possessions.

Yet again the very first reply nails it ...

My parents started sorting their house out but one got sick and eventually died. The other, now very elderly, is clear they won't be getting rid of anything. They are not a hoarder, but own a large house with plenty of cupboards and other storage.

It's a shame the decluttering won't continue and it's not a job I look forward to as such, because it will be very difficult emotionally, but I dont resent them. They are entitled to keep living for now with their possessions surrounding them.

Also their things are mostly not rubbish but maybe not to my taste, or that of my siblings.

It is what it is.

I did this with my uncle's house - two bedrooms but otherwise largish and with a garage and shed. We went through and took paperwork and any bits we fancied - but in fact there was nothing worth anything. Even his treasured cabinet of silver was EPNS, and he had collected those commemorative coins which I gave to my nephew but I don't think they were worth anything. We got house clearance in and I just looked up the invoice from 2019 - £1500.00. They did it in just over a day and I don't think they could sell anything on. They recycled, gave to charity and tipped stuff and shredded any paperwork we had left. They hoovered up after they had finished, but i still had to get cleaners in. I really couldn't have faced doing it all myself - we didn't live locally either.

The house clearance firm (well established company, covers whole of Sussex) we have just used has a policy to avoid landfill where possibe and recycle, sell in car boots/ give to charity shops. Just putting it out there is case the idea of it all going to landfill puts people off using house clearance companies in general.

We are doing this. FIL died a few months ago. We got a clearance firm in after doing an thorough sweep of everything especially papers and tax records back over 40 years.
Actually will make a couple of thousand at auction with stuff (well commission comes off that but it more than breaks even. We are now doing our house as I have a lot of stuff having been here 30 years and brought up 2 children.
With fil we sent 1.3 tonnes of junk to the tip.
Once you get into it it doesn't take long but you do have to be quite ruthless at times.