Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

A dead person's expectation is neither here nor there. It has died with them. And yes I have done house clearance for dead relatives.

Imagine if you chucked it all in a skip, then saw it reappear on the Antiques Road show, worth a fortune! Serves you right!
I hope my glass paperweights , portmerion jugs, decorated eggs in marble, wood and tin, carved boxes etc don’t get chucked into a skip! I know their eyes are on my wooden carved writing bureau and blanket chest, so they’ll have to draw lots. Many tools in the garage in good condition too. They'll be fought over! Oh how I wish I could look on from above, as the contents of my wardrobes and drawers are dragged out , the gasps and comments and the need to buy more rolls of black bags ! The moans as the kitchen is emptied - so many pots and plates, glasses, gadgets never used, oven dishes and pans. As someone rightly said, it’s the price they pay for your inheritance!

Have you got their Christmas presents yet? Amazon has several good books on the Art Of Swedish Death Cleaning.

It might be time to drop the hint. Or just tell them straight that once they are dead or in a care home you'll be calling in a house clearance company to remove the entire lot, so if they are hiding any cash, genuine antiques of value, diamonds, gold watches or first editions, now is the time to tell you so you can put them to one side. The rest you have no intention of keeping.

I wouldn't, I'd be sweet talking them, saying how there's lots of stuff you like, and making sure the inheritance comes your way!

My elderly father is an angel... he's cleared loads of his old stuff out, thank god.

But if he wanted to hoard I'd be gently wncouraging him not to, cursing the extra work for me and my sis, but otherwise shit up and think "nah, better not risk the inheritance!"

I sent a screenshot of this book to our family group chat - my parents thought it was very funny but didn’t get that I was actually serious

@Xmasiscomingsoon , some people find it very difficult to part with things or maybe they don’t like to contemplate their own deaths. My husband and I (in our sixties) moved about 3 years ago and had a massive clear out, some of the things I let go of were very sentimental and I cried but I had really struggled when my own parents died and didn’t want that for my boys. Soon I must have a conversation with them about what of our possessions they would like to keep when we’re gone and we’ll make a note of this to keep with our wills then I will tell them that they can let go of the rest without guilt.
You could buy your PsIL a copy of Swedish Death Cleaning for Christmas or you could just let them be, then when the time comes just get a clearance company in, they won’t know or care then. I’m not sure this is a hill to die on.

Get them this

I am just getting to the end of clearing my hoarder Mother's house since June. The contents of the garage was one large skip in itself. There have been numerous trips to the skip disposing on railway timetables the size of bricks from the 1970s. I started going there before and after work to get it under control

Sometimes I find something that makes me smile about good times long gone by, sometimes I'll reason that it was a result of the serious traumas she was endured to in her life , but most of the time my thoughts about my unwanted second job are that it was a pretty unloving legacy. Eventually I suppose I will be rewarded with an inheritance. But my mortgage is nearly paid off so I don't even need the money that much any more and I can't get excited about that.

I think you just have to accept that this is something shit that is going to happen to you and you have no control over it. Maybe you could encourage them to organise it as that it is easier for you to sort through (eg box for DVDs, box for hats and gloves etc) but ultimately you'll just have to hunker down and get it done. And at least they are not there rescuing stuff from the bin anymore!

But then all you can do is resolve never to leave your own children in that position.

My late in-laws had a huge attic stuffed with decades and decades of stuff. Plus their garage was so full they had to park in the street. As they got older they used to say 'oh well, we won't be here to deal with it, so we won't care as we will know nothing about it'. And then MIL would try and pass on DH's old school report cards from 30 years ago 'we thought you might like to have these' - er, NO, we don't want junk.
DH has slightly inherited their hoarding tendencies and I always tell him straight out, if you die before me all that is going straight in a skip.
When the in-laws died, we got a house clearance company and hired a skip and as they didn't know anything about it, being dead, they had no idea their so-called heirlooms etc were dumped.

There exists an expectation. That's the 'something'. PIL have created it, when they could have simply not done so.

My inlaws are hoarders and have no intention of doing anything about it. They live in the states in a 6 bedroom house with 2 attics and a full basement and you can barely walk around in some rooms. It will 100% be our problem and we have no idea what we are going to do about it. There's absolutely nothing we want out of there and the whole situation makes me feel sick.

So no advice, just solidarity.

I'm NOK for an older relative who has had bedbugs treated several times but his house is full of old DVDs, books etc so they keep coming back. Will a clearance firm still clear a house that has had bed bugs? And will the bed bugs also be in the stuff in the loft?

Do ask them to do LPA for finances though. Otherwise if they become incapacitated and go into care it’s extremely complicated.

Just shrug and tell them it'll all be taken by the clearance company.

Don't even say anything. When the time comes just do it!

In the meantime just smile and nod

Just dealing with the death of hoarder in-laws (a rammed full 5 bed, full attic and garage). Here’s my advice, just say yes and budget out of their estate for an estate clearance company. If they need to go into care then it’s their problem.

My brother and I had this when our grandad died and it was miserable. So when our other grandparents started talking about it, we were very blunt (probably a bit rude tbh) and basically said we're not sorting through a huge house. Either you sort it out or we'll get a skip and a random house clearance and we wont be able to inherit anything. We explained how grandad had made grieving 1000% worse and how we have some awful memories of going through his things. We also pointed out that becsuse we had to go through everything, we found out things about him that he really wouldnt have wanted us to know.
Its slow going but they have got rid of a lot of stuff since then (including some jewellery that I would have loved to have had - the irony!)

God we had teddies that had been eaten by mice & every single card my MIL had been sent in her whole life, including ones she'd written to herself from her awful husband. 😂
Luckily probate took ages so there was plenty of time to get rid of stuff.

yup sensible answer.

They’re mentally ill OP and they want to know their hoard will be safe after their death. Just give them the reassurance they need that you will “take care” of their hoard and set their minds at rest.

Once they’re gone you just pay for clearance as everyone has said.

My FiL begged me to get a skip for him to declutter because his daughters kept telling him he shouldn't get rid of stuff. He told them to take anything they wanted, but it seemed they didn't want it, but didn't want him to get rid.
So, I ordered a skip, and spent a weekend getting rid of a load of stuff, one of his daughters turned up, and pitched in to help clear.

It will be a lot easier to clear it when they've gone than to try and work with them to do it when they're alive. I've tried it with my hoarder step-father (they needed the space for his medical equipment) and it did not end well.

pay a clearance company to do it. Spend 1 day having a quick look through things to see if there's anything you'd like to keep,

FIl did this when his brother went in a home - said it was worth the money to have it done and not hanging over them. They handed over some missed pictures at the end as well which was nice.

My DGP health suffered when they had to deal with my Great Aunts house - she was a hoarder but also was hiding money and Jewellery all over the house and had for many years. It was the travel back and forth and the huge amount of work on top - my parents pitched in but there only so much time round two jobs and kids they could spare. Grandparents tried to sort thing before they died but it was still a huge amount and they did get rid of and sell quite a lot.

Mum was going to have a big clear out - so didn't fall on us but she's tried run out of steam and can't be bothered now it's too hard for her to get rid of things. Plus there a fair bit she likes having round her.

but there is still nothing to take on apart from organising house clearance?

The problem with people like this is sunk costs. My mother is like this. They had a rug that with my dad's mobility problems is frankly dangerous, he tripped over it twice but she wouldnt get rid of it as "it cost £100!" it was only when I asked if her husband was worth less than £100 to her then, that she agreed to get rid of it. Except it is still in the house as "it cost £100!" The fact that it is now worth nothing is passing her by, to her it is worth £100 as that is what it cost her. Getting rid of it is to her like throwing away cash. She wont have that she had several years use out of it. Its why their attic is full of things that havent been used in years but because they cost hard cash, she wont throw them out.

Most of it will be going to the tip when the time comes, but I cant tell her that as she simply wouldnt understand why we would throw out stuff that in her head is worth money.