Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

You could add to your statement “ however, we look forward to receiving our substantial inheritance!”

Did FIL's house, he passed away in June. He'd lived in that house 94 years, had the war mentality of make do and mend and as you can imagine nothing was thrown away and MIL was a avid fan of bits and bobs too - I found 24 vases in one cupboard.. 24, ornaments everywhere, in and out in the garden, we've not finished yet either. They'd kept every pillow that was deemed to old to use, every duvet, blanket, curtains they'd replaced over the years, every broken clock, every framed picture they took down over the years that they no longer liked, just kept everything.

We've filled 3 skips so far, one more needed, left metal out the front to be collected and been to the charity shop with boxes and boxes of the better stuff, car loads to the dump, had better bits of furniture collected for charity. But, we would never have dictated the way they live and probably humoured them if they'd thought we would want it all the way your PIL do. Just be kind to them.

I wish though parents in the UK adopted "döstädning" for their children.

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My Mum was exactly the same, except everything went in the loft or the garage. Dining table and chairs for 14, six loungers and brollies for the pool, garden tools, lawn mowers. There is no pool, no garden, no lawn. Buffet dinner service for 40, posh dinner service for 14. Serving platters, glasses, ornaments. We have just about finished clearing it now.

We had the same issue with my in-laws. We ended up sorting between us what we wanted to keep (which wasn’t much). Then took all the clothes and small crap to charity shops and subsequently got an auction house in to sell all the furniture and china etc.
There was so much stuff and we’re busy people, so it was sadly the only way to deal with it all.

My friend had a relative who was a hoarder. They went through the house and extracted obvious cash. Then they found a local charity who agreed to deal with the house in return for a chunky donation. They then sold everything they could and once they'd made back their fee they actually paid back the fee or a portion of it or something. It seemed like a good approach.

Once again, the expectation exists and is causing difficulties now, while they're still alive. That is what was selfish.

This.
'Please do not expect us to sort out your chaos, we don't have the time, energy or inclination.'
I feel no guilt that I won't be sorting out any of my mums stuff, or reorganising her council house, when she passes, but to be fair she is already trying to declutter .

Walking around any of the big antique centres around here makes you realise exactly how little all this stuff is worth. It was a bit like walking into my parent's living/dining room.

I did keep some cut crystal glasses and the 1950's EPNS canteen of cutlery (a wedding present to my parents in 1953 which was hardly used) and now my DS has got his own place he is using it all daily (he doesn't have a dishwasher so the bone handled knives are fine)

My Dad really had the delusion that all of the stuff he was hoarding was being kept for our benefit - like he was the family guardian of our history and heritage. I told him multiple times there was absolutely nothing that I wanted, but it just didn't register with him.

We had a professional house clearance company come in after his death. It's expensive, but there are lots of expenses associated with a death. So long as you plan for it , it should be maneagable, and the costs can likely be made up from the estate.

My advice to the OP would be to state clearly (if and when your parents bring this up) that you will be getting everything professionally cleared and don't wish to keep it. And then disengage from the issue. There is nothing to feel angry and put-upon about - unless you actually give in and take the stuff.

I don't think you'll win this one, but I've personally had many conversations along the lines of "give it to the charity shop, someone will treasure it and the charity will benefit, if you wait until it's too old it will be binned'..

But that didn't stop a tearful tantrum when selling their house I refused point blank to take a 50 year old faded green shaggy bath rug for my own house.... 🧐

Not RTFT but when one goes you may find the other softens their position on this. When FIL was alive the house (and garage and sheds!) were packed to the rafters with stuff “just in case it was worth something/could be needed later on”.
Now it’s just MIL and over the last couple of years we’ve gradually decluttered with her to the point where it is manageable, only one shed that contains garden tools, a mostly empty garage, only xmas decs in the loft. There is still a lot of stuff (ornaments, holiday trinkets and so many books!) but it’s so much better than before.

Pointless. Hoarders make relationships with objects , it would be like telling someone “ once you die I’ll have all your pets euthanised “. If I were you I’d make emollient noises, then ruthlessly get rid of anything you don’t want once they aren’t around anymore. Yes they are selfish and their expectations are unrealistic , but hoarding is a mental illness.

I have a friend like this. She downsized to a smaller house but didn't get rid of any of her (abundant) stuff. Two years later, half of it is still in unlabelled boxes in the two garages (where there's not enough room for a bike, let alone a car). And she's always buying duplicate stuff (kitchenware, bedding, tools, lamps etc) because she can't find the ones she already has.

I am not sure why you would want to distress them to no purpose by saying this?

Just tell them that you'll get a house clearance company in to take the lot.

Extremely selfish. House clearance company is the way to go.

My parents did. My mum did go into a NHS continuous care facility with dementia and my dad lived alone, but completely independent, right up to Dec of last year, when he too went into the same place my mum had been in (she had died in 2021). NHS continuous care is free. He stayed there for 3 months until he died in March. So you never know.

Agreed.

I had an elderly friend who wanted me to be her executor. I've refused. She's denied being a hoarder: the last time I visited, I had to sit on a cushion on the floor of her living room. There was no room on her couch or armchairs. She has shelving with 'collectables' on every single wall, including along her staircase - which is also used as shelving. I felt suffocated.

Even her bath was full of things. The council is aware.

It made me realise that I have a problem - not nearly as bad as hers, thank goodness - and I'm clearing out as much as I can. In the meantime, I've told my cousins to call in a clearance firm if I snuff it before it's done. (I was an only child and have a lot of my parents' things here.)

I checked whether my late husband's kids wanted certain items that had belonged to him and my MIL and those were packed up and sent to them about a year after he died.

I've also contacted a local undertaker to sort out a funeral plan for myself.

I've given my cousins the name of a local firm that cleared a garage for someone else - they emptied it and gave her £50 for the tools that were of use.

In the meantime, a local charity shop has accepted quite a lot of stuff* - clothes of mine (in good condition) plus some ornaments (mainly unwanted presents). Included in the charity shop donations have been presents from my elderly pal. She's addicted to QVC and sometimes buys stuff which she passes to others. Last year, the charity shop was happy enough to accept a twirly globe light ornament and - I kid you not - a laughing gnome. My friend insisted that I should put it in my car to keep me company.

*I made the mistake of mentioning my charity shop trip to another friend. She dumped a load of stuff on me. I told the lady in the shop just to tell me what items were of no use and I'd gladly take them straight to the tip. In the end, she accepted one lamp and one lampshade. All the other (rather grotty) lampshades went to the tip. (Yes, I'm old and my friends are even older than I am.)

Sensible approach. My parents were never hoarders and have always been very tidy and orderly. However, my mother is nearly 93 and my Dad was 89 when he died, so inevitably there is a great deal of stuff in the house. This is normal. She frets about what a lot of work it's going to be for my brother and me to sort out and we tell her not to worry about it. We will see to everything. We don't bother to spell out that the crystal, china and French polished brown dining room suite she's looked after so carefully for over 60 years are unfortunately not likely to be of interest to anyone else. The hideous ornaments that have needed so much dusting may not even be accepted by the charity shop. It's sad, but that's how it is.

I wouldn't be able to chuck everything in a skip unexamined in case we missed something important, even though that's very unlikely. I don't mind doing it, though. It's one last thing I can do for her (when we get to that point). I was happy to help my husband clear his parents' house because I love him and it was a big help and support to him at a difficult time.

Just nod and agree and when the time comes get a house clearance company to do the job.

DH and I have got a lot of clutter, mainly from his hobbies and our loft is full of stuff we don't want to chuck out.
I've told DH if I'm left I'm not spending weeks going through his stuff! I've also told DS that when DH and I are both gone to have a quick look through and take what he wants then get a house clearance company in.
I don't think you should worry about this at all OP, you have absolutely no obligation to take a lot of stuff you don't want, just say "thank you" to your in-laws and then get a skip or a house clearance company to take away everything you don't want when the time comes.

Just take the best bits/best stuff, and get in a house clearance company for the rest.

OMG this!!

I only got to this post! I was going to say exactly this.

Way back in the day when i was a Trainee solicitor I did a rotation in probate. This was not uncommon at all.

I highly recommend just getting the local auction house in to take what they can sell and then a house clearance for the rest.

It's sad though- we had one client who had no beneficiaries at all. He was devoted to his 'collectables'. . They were not worth anything to anyone and were mostly junked. I actually bought something from the deceased estate auction of one of the things he was particularly proud of because i could not bear it going to the tip.

Just be grateful that your DH is not my DH... I DREAD his parents dying becuase he will want to KEEP it all. He will be convinced that it is either valuable, or sentimental.

His mother recently gave him a huge bag of coins... apparently valuable. If he had taken them planning to get them valued then sell them, fine. But no.... I just discovered them in a big bag under the bed in DD's room. I am waiting for the right moment to tell him that if he is keeping them becuase they're valuable, let's sell them now because we need to pay for a driveway repave.