Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

It doesn't sound as if they give a shit about DH/OP's feelings so why should they extend that courtesy the other way?

From my view: if someone I was leaving my house to said to me that I better clear everything out before I am gone, they'd be gone from my will, worthy charities it is.

I don't think the cats charities really fancy handling a load of reeking, cat-piss-soaked amonia junk either.

I wish DM had sorted it gradually over the last couple of decades so that her life and home were in better condition through her old age. It would be nice if the house was in a state where I could take my family to visit her, but it's a health hazard and the furniture too trashed for guests to use. One sofa has been unusably broken for about 25 years. She can't get maintainence done on the house because it's too embarrasing to have people in let alone access the space properly. How she hasn't had major falls from tripping on the threadbare carpets I do not know.

I suspect that the persistant cough that she's had for years that is apparently not a smoker's cough is actually from constant exposure to the amonia fumes from cat-pissy carpets and general dust.

The hoard is damaging family relationships in her lifetime.
The problem will not magically end when the hoarder dies. It's like a gambling addict leaving their financial messes to resolve.

There will also be the emotional baggage of dealing with my dad's possessions that have been procrastinated on for decades, and collections from various other family bereavements tangled up in there.

Have you ever stood in a hoard?
Do you expect other people to deal with your squalor? Sounds like you do.

The difficulty with hoarding is that everything (including food wrapping) is precious.

Whilst I might agree with you on Clear Out, I do think it is reasonable to say if you haven’t seen it or used in three years- maybe it isn’t actually that precious. Are you actually going to fix that broken toaster? If you haven’t so far what makes you think your children will want to- when they have a working toaster at home?

Yesterday I came across a book called Nobody Wants Your Shit : the art of de cluttering before you die by Messie Condo

I am temped to get it for my house, we’re not hoarders by any stretch but we have too much stuff

Not suggesting you give them a copy - would say it depends on your relationship with them and their humour

But it goes to show that hoarding is such a common thing that people do!

Let them carry on living with their “valuable stuff” . Once they have got you can get a house clearance company in to take it all away once you have taken the few bits you and DH might want. My DPs were the same convinced everything they had was valuable - it wasn’t ! we ( my siblings and I) after several discussions with them decided it wasn’t a hill we wanted to die on so we left it until they passed and then got the house cleared by a company.

If clearing a house of clutter is the worst issue you end up facing with elderly DPs/DPILs then you will have got off exceedingly lightly.
I would suggest that DH makes sure they have POA in place. That way if - for example- they were both in a care home and the house needed to be cleared for letting or sale to cover costs, you can use their finances to pay for any clearance.

Honestly when the time comes for my DPs, I want to just pay a clearance company and have as little to do with it as possible myself. DH says he wants to work through everything and extract any value from it, but the house has bad associations for me now because they are refusing to get the care they need and my heart sinks every time I go inside.

Not sure why you are annoyed by this. It doesn’t sound like they expect you to take their stuff now. Unless there will names you are executors or beneficiaries then surely it’s just future planning. My own parents have sentimental items, often they ask me if I want something they have that they want rid off as a nice thing to offer but I’m always honest if I don’t have the space same taste etc. You could always mention auction houses that take items if they looking to declutter now but I wouldn’t be too ruthless if they are still alive and just considering the future.

House clearing company - but expect to pay thousands.

We cleaned and cleared a single bedroom flat of rubbish and 90% of items (many many tips runs) and it still cost hundreds to have furniture and white goods cleared.

When we called on her once my late MIL was having a 'big sidation' aka decluttering, she had emptied cupboards and drawers, about to black bag it all. She was the end of the family line, her mother's stuff, her brother and his wife's stuff and the brother's wife had had loads of stuff from people we'd never heard of. We started to look through if and found some amazing stuff, as well as family photos, certificates we also found Christmas cards from the Somme and other war zones, some with original poetry written on wafer thin paper. There was her mother's wedding certificate dated three months before MIL's birth, a woman held up to us as a paragon of all that's good and holy. Luckily we managed to rescue what we wanted, what our daughters will do with it I don't know.

The OP says the in-laws have a massive house. Surely,if the OP inherits that massive house,they can pay someone to clear it?

YABU. They can live their life as they wish. I cleared my parents home which was rammed full of stuff alone yes it was hard work and I could have paid a company but those things meant something to my parent and I came across some sentimental things that I chose to keep

The one I mentioned is an actual book about decluttering.

This is a common issue with hoarders. They're so possessive and paranoid over their precious hoard that they'll hide the small, genuinely valuable proportion of their "collection" amongst the tat and the trash to keep it "safe".
The other variation is scooping stuff up into doom boxes/ bags where it's all jumbled together.

There's also a general issue of collectables that the things that people aged 70-90+ "invested" in such as ceramics and crystal are not valued by younger generations. The supply is extensive as a generation of collectors passes on, but there is minimal demand, so that things that had value in the 70s-80s aren't even accepted in chartity shops now.

That's aside from the accumulated broken, outdated or worn out crap that wasn't reasonably cleared out over time. Then the dirt from an inability to clean it. Damp/ mould from poor ventilation. Pest damage... just moths if you're lucky... mice or even detritis from pets that accumulates. Even the theoretically good stuff that's there gets ruined or contaminated so it's just as junky as the rest of it.

Hoarding is the same league of selfish as issues like alcoholism.
There's the false, deluded dream of what a gift the collection is, when all it is is leaving a grim, emotional, complex chore to complete in the face of fresh bereavement.

Having been disinherited by a different family member
I can promise that is a BAD move

When I see the word selfish in this context I find myself hoping that everything of value, including the house, has been left to the Cat's Home, other charities are available! Young people may learn as they grow up that 'hoarding' is also being careful and whilst that it may be junk to you, to them it's a lot of memories of bringing up a family.

Maybe they could buy them a copy of "why we're leaving all our money to the cats home" in return.

I love antique crockery and enjoy a rummage round charity shops to add to my collection! I do think of the life it previously had and its former owners.

Buy them each a copy of the book ‘no one wants your shit’ for Christmas.

My mum had this problem with her parents and at first she got very overwhelmed and stressed she had to go through every room and sort it . She worried she may regret losing something.
But thankfully came to the realisation that all she really wanted was personal paper work like marriage cert and such. And photo albums . And a few ornaments that had been on display since she was a child. The rest they had horded over the years and didnt hold sentimental value to my mum . So she just asked a local company to empty the house and do what they wanted with the contents.
She has never regretted it. She realised the stress of the house was overshadowing her grief at the loss of her parents . And her health started to suffer because of it.

I'd drop the subject. You won't change them and are much more likely to just hurt their feelings. It's really not worth that at all. It's a bit of a shame you've already told them that all their stuff is tat (I'm not saying it is, just that it would have been better left unsaid) because you can't unsay it. They will remember that.

When the time comes and they have either died or gone into a care home then just look through the house, take a few things that you do like as mementoes and then get a house clearance company in. That way they won't even know, and they won't need to.

I'd smile & nod, then as soon as they shuffle off the mortal coil book a skip!

I cannot imagine saying this to someone. Its such a cold thing to say, its awful.

Presumably you will get the house and be glad of the money when you sell it.

I wish people wouldn’t talk about this couple as though they have already died.

OP, it’s pointless trying to convince them that their possessions are worthless. When the time comes ask a couple of friends to give you a hand, hire a skip and fill it with the stuff that charity shops won’t take eg CDs. Then ask a charity to come and take what they want. Then ask a clearance company to come. In the south they are very expensive and tend to look for stuff they can make money on. If they can’t, they charge you more.

Whatever you do, don’t take anything home with you unless you really want it and can make use of it. I am still storing masses of my mum’s stuff because it’s a shame to get rid of. She’s been dead for 30 years!

Fil was like this but he grew up very poor and didn’t even have enough food to feed everyone. He always kept everything cos it might come in handy one day. It took a few weeks to sort but at the end of the day it was a lot less stressful to clear without him around. It would have been hell for him and me trying to part with anything whilst he was still alive.