Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

I am surprised from my professional experience that public health couldn't help.

Just say ..... 'lovely thank you' and when the time comes organise a skip, house clearance, open house for the neighbours to come and take (keepsake) whatever they want, Facebook marketplace etc.

It's a pain in the arse but if they refuse to deal with it then make it as painless as possible for yourself.

I completely agree. My parents were those same awful pre-war babies who grew up with make do and mend and dirt poor and only in late middle age had some disposable income to spend for themselves. They had raised all of us, done their best to give us better opportunities and all we wanted was for them to enjoy it whilst they could.

I couldn’t convince DM that those Franklin mint “collectables” were not worth their paper certificates - she was convinced that some would be useful to the grandchildren one day and she enjoyed them whilst she was alive having grown up with nothing. We drown in “stuff” these days and I think its hard to appreciate just how sparse peoples’ lives were if they were not the monied classes.

Come the day I was surprised how many of those “collectables” were welcomed by a local charity shop who sold them simply as decorative items. People buy far more tat for their homes and replace it more frequently than my parents' generation did even at the peak of 80s consumerism. We kept a small number of items between siblings/DGC but the rest went.

So the Franklin shite is mostly sitting happily in younger peoples’ homes, the charity made quite a few quid, DM enjoyed her little luxury items to the end and we didn’t have to deal with it.
I was surprised at how much the charity shop made - I honestly thought most of it was skip fodder. British Heart Foundation took any unwanted furniture and the clearance people took what was left. It was no more hassle than we were willing to allow.

In the 1930s, a relative of mine donated an old horsehair sofa which had belonged to his mother to a Scouts bonfire collection. When the boys unloaded the sofa, old money fell out (the old type from before proper bank notes). He clearly had had no idea it was there and when he found out about it, he wanted it back. But the boys refused. My relative took it to court but lost.

They were bought as mum collected them (display plates were one of her collections) because she loved them not for resale value. But yes she believes they are worth more than she paid and doesnt believe me when I tell her that its just charity shop fodder now.

as PP say you can decline to inherit if they are renting - you do not have to pay costs and bills from someone else’s estate (in E&W, not speaking for the entire world).
If they own the property then use part of the estate to cover clearance costs.

Its only a problem for the inheritor if they make it a problem.

I knew a couple who lived upstairs from a hoarder, in a house which had been converted into two flats, so there wasnt much insulation between the two.

We went round there and the smell from downstairs was something I have never experienced before or since. I honestly thought I was going to throw up.

They had been trying to get the council to get involved but they wouldnt.

The old lady who lived therr owned the flat and refused all help.

Piling up food cartons and so on is not the most extreme end of hoarding.

You have to accept they won’t change. They don’t want to declutter, and you’ll be left with the house full of stuff when they pass away.

My grandparents were exactly the same, massive house packed to the rafters with stuff, garden sheds, garages - all rammed. They had over forty toasters in the attic. You won’t change them, don’t upset them now by telling them it’s junk. They’ll never accept it. Get people in to sort it out when the time comes if you can’t face it yourself.

This. I totally agree. For those people who are dealing with rented accommodation, they can decline to inherit and leave clearance to the landlord.
https://www.boylettslaw.co.uk/what-if-i-do-not-wish-to-receive-my-inheritance/

I think if they are genuinely hoarders....like the man with all the newspapers....then its a mental health condition and you can't label them as selfish any more than you can label judgementally anyone else with a mental health problem. I speak from professional experience working in the NHS in the community. Yes I do know the difference.

yeah one of the best lessons I ever learned was be suspicious of anything labelled as "investment" or "collectible" at the point it was being sold new unless it was actual precious metal...and even then you check the weight of what you are getting vs what you pay for it.

I think we are talking about slightly different things: possessions and A Hoard. Do you know the difference?

The other thing is you are ignoring the people who inherit A Hoard in a rented property- so they have to pay rent and disposal costs on their mothers “load of old shite”. The value of the house might make it bearable, but it doesn’t make it less selfish.
Hoarders are selfish - they value their hoard over: all relationships (including with their children); their health; living comfortably; money - look at the investment cost of the hoard! That selfishness pervades all areas of their character and actions- including how they die.

I’m not saying people should end their days with nothing - I’m saying it is OK to be considerate.

I think it's a lot more selfish to expect people to live the last years of their life without the things they like, simply because you're counting down the days until they die. Particularly if you're going to be quids-in when you inherit their bloody house.

Look, my mum certainly owns a load of old shite which will need to go straight to the tip / charity / whatever if she's still living in the house when she dies. I'm sure it will be a case of either me and my siblings having to clear the house of it, or paying a house clearance firm. But as we'd also be getting a house handed to us for free, I'm struggling to see it as 'really really fucking selfish' for my mum to live her last years surrounded by the things she owns and likes.

I guess I just feel that if someone's given you their house, complaining about the hardship of having to some tat into a skip is very much a case of moaning that your diamond shoes are too tight.

My late ex wasn't a hoarder but every household has stuff that no one else wants. When my sons were selling his house they obviously took any valuable/useful items then called in a house clearance company.

They take everything, including contents of fridge and kitchen cupboards, clothes, old tools, etc.

It's too emotionally and physically draining to clear someone's possessions.

And don’t get me started on the fact she has kept every box they came in, in her loft. Can’t imagine where I inherited this from.

Indeed, she’s got a figurine for me, it’s Coalport. Was expensive new now sells for £10. it’s got bad associations so I don’t want it so will charity shop it.

As for her other china collections they rarely even sell on eBay (as in are listed a lot but don’t actually sell).

It might work to warn her that its a "now" opportunity because of what people want now. Such things have no intrinsic value and prices can (and do) go down instead of up. Some 25 tears ago I inherited a Royal Doulton figurine in perfect condition...hand painted, signed by the painter all the good stuff. It dates from the 1930's and at the time I was given it, they were selling for around 700 quid. Now I might get 100 if I was lucky. It doesn't matter to me. I love it and happily don't and didn't need the money but it might be worth reminding here that stuff with no intrinsic value (eg gems and gold) can lose value as well as gain it.

I’ve gone down a rabbit hole now, one of the dresses I wore that’s still at mums sold for £150 on eBay. Hmm but a few others were nearer £10!

May have to investigate further, however don’t want to do anything to encourage mum.

You can just disclaim the inheritance if you don't want it.

Having cleared 5 houses (full of “stuff” that while treasured by the original owners, if almost worthless to the majority - think of a library of hundreds of beautifully bound hardbacks that a buyer purchased for £50.00), the only thing I will say is that it has definitely sharpened my mind towards my own “stuff” which I will give away or sell, starting next year (my plan is to have a Swedish death plan completed before I retire: this will give me five years to do it).

If you really don’t want your PIL’s “stuff” then just use a house clearance company when the time comes, and don’t feel remotely guilty about it!

I dunno, the dress lines didn't kick off till 1966 and in the 70's, the design runs were short. As affordable fashion, (I was there) I don't think many were kept. No you won't make hundreds but they never cost hundreds. It might be worth looking at what they go for on eg ebay before writing them off...depending on how many she has, 20 to 30 quid per frock can add up.

You have my sympathy. Me and my siblings are facing this with our elderly parents. They are co-hoarders and the house is packed to the brim. It’s got to the point that they won’t allow us to visit. My sister managed to sneak a visit in a couple of weeks ago and she said that it was out of control. One work surface in the kitchen was completely packed with washed out margarine tubs and plastic fruit containers. Up to the ceiling. It’s definitely a mental health problem but neither of them would ever consider it to be that. They think of themselves as super prepared for anything that might happen. Plus they too believe that everything they own is extremely valuable and must be preserved. We’ve given up trying to say to them that it creates more problems than it solves.

YABU. - you can decline the inheritance if you want. Do they own their own house? If so then you will be getting a windfall to offset the bother of having to clear the house.

My dad told my sibling he keeps sums of money in the house, hidden in a coded place only he knows, some within pages of books

Think yourself lucky, @Dontletmedownbruce ... my late, reclusive uncle thought the cat's basket a good place to hide ££££ under the bedding, and I can't begin to describe the smell

This was outdated currency by the time it was found, and it had to be taken to the bank (who weren't impressed either) sealed in thick bags

I suspect 1970 and 1980s are not collected.