Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

What if they need care and you have to sell the house?? Will you inherit the house when they pass on, and go from a tiny terrace to a big house? It's crass of your DH to say it's no worth anything. It's their stuff.

I wouldn't expect DS to want to keep my Emma Bridgewater stuff so I would expect it to go up the tip as an EB collection is probably todays china teaset which also goes up the tip.

But I'm not going to tip it beforehand as I use it, DS can tip it

With my dad's stuff I just put any paperwork to one side, took it all home to sort and everything else got thrown out.

No point winding them up about it: this is stuff that is bound up with memories and significance for them and they will never understand you are not going to feel the same way about stuff that is, to everyone else , mostly tat.

It's definitely worth everyone talking to their older relatives about what they value in their property and why.
Things of antique road show type value are often not very obvious - a dull pot that belonged to your grandads, grandads grandad may be ancient and of value. This happened to a friend of mine - a glass that looked very unprepossing, 100% would have been for the tip if you were doing a clear out -turned out to be worth several thousand because it was old.

Don't forget that you may have a negative view of 'tat' but your children and their children may one day value the historical connection of a book, pen, watch, briefcase, whatever that has been used by an unbroken line of women or men in their family.

Swedish death cleaning to avoid inflicting the same on your own kids and for the ILS clear out what you think is important after they've died and then book a clearance company to come and empty their house. Just brush off anything they might say about you having it all etc.."Yes how kind, we'd love your China doll collection." No point winding them up about it: this is stuff that is bound up with memories and significance for them and they will never understand you are not going to feel the same way about stuff that is, to everyone else , mostly tat.

Hoarding does not always equal squalor

There are plenty of clean, organised hoarders out there too

Of course you can! My in laws have a house full of utter shite. Yes some of it is valuable to someone, but not to me. I don’t want it. I have zero free time to sift through any of it. Documents that are needed for admin will be retained. Photos and sentimental items too, but encyclopaedia Britannia from 1970 etc are heading straight for the skip.

What if there is some valuable in that lot, especially documents? You can’t treat it all as rubbish!

This will be a issue before they pass, own will probably need long term care

Do that. Bin the lot it will save you hours of stress and angst.

Hoarders Just see their stuff very differently...

My friend had a serious hoarder father... She too was dreading having to clear her dad's house... In the end, on his death her and her sibs rescued a few items they wanted and got a company to clear and take to dump..
They did the entire house in two days...

Odd you lot all get worked up about their stuff. What about them? They will pass away and your husband will have no parents. Just a mean miserable wife who doesn't want their things. Might you have more space for these things if they were worth something?

@Arran2024 I completely agree. My mum would clear things out from time to time (very slowly!) and was fond of saying, "You could sell that on ebay." She'd never do such a thing herself. So, I'd look up what it was likely to go for on ebay, find some for sale at 99p, and not bother.

Another time she said that a large garden ornament similar to one she had sold for £50 on some TV auction programme. All well and good, but she lived 100s of miles from me and I'd visit by public transport, so I couldn't be taking stuff to auctions.

It's also impossible to organise sales of on facebook, gumtree etc., unless you can take things away to sell from your own house. They can take weeks or months to get rid of, even at a low price or free, and you have to deal with lots of no-shows along the way.

If you don't live nearby, it is really difficult to sell stuff. My cousin wanted us to list books on a particular site, but it can take months or years for them to shift. Even furniture - you can't necessarily keep popping to the house to arrange pick ups and people often don't turn up. There is a huge difference between what is practical and what is actually doable.

Facebook? Friends? Literally anyone who wants to make some cash in hand? Be more resourceful!

LOL. Why on earth would you trust a random person on Facebook to deal with money for you and your goods that they could just steal? It's absolutely never a good idea to get involved in financial arrangements with friends ever.

So much for your be more resourceful! That's the point - it's very difficult to sell individual cheaper items even if they add up to a lot as a collection if you aren't prepared to do it yourself.

Just one piece of jewellery hidden in the house from years long gone, is a goldmine for house clearance companies that have the patience to look. If you can't be bothered, let someone else treasure hunt. There have been some incredible finds, long forgotten by elderly owners.

Facebook? Friends? Literally anyone who wants to make some cash in hand? Be more resourceful!

Pay someone to put it all on eBay at 99p + postage.

@SingleSexSpacesInSchools Where the hell do you get this 'someone'? I looked into this before and most businesses that offer this have a price cut off so won't accept anything worth less than £30/40/50 which excludes almost all books, dvds, glasswear and so on.

@Xmasiscomingsoon something else to consider before you rush to chuck everything in the bin and while they are alive find out what items have a real family history to them - it can be really lovely to pass on jewellery that belonged to a grandmother, great grand mother and so on or a watch that has been worn by two or three generations. Similarly books that were awarded to school children as prizes with presentation book plates in them - the kind of things that are part of your family history, may be loved and admired by your children or future geneartions - can just get chucked out into a skip. I would also keep things like paper birth certificates, marriage certs etc - stick it in a single file - as this is part of preserving your children's history for their future.

Inherit it all. Pay someone to put it all on eBay at 99p + postage.

The person you hire has to wrap and post it all, and they get 50% of the profit, after eBay fees and postage costs. Anythign that does not sell in a week goes to the tip.

JOB DONE

You might just be surprised at what is and isn't valuable. Jewellery that looks like tat to you might well be from an era that is very much wanted now. 1920s jewellery has a habit of looking like tat but actually is very valuable now.

Have you looked at any of the auction house videos like

DVDs can also be collectable as can glass.

Why the rush - do your research on auction houses and take it from there. Old furniture whilst big is also making a comeback due its quality.

Remember that sorting out the house is only an issue for the executor(s). You can be a beneficiary of a will but not the executor, in which case the executor will make all the decisions and then you will get some money at the end of it. If you think you may inherit, check who the executor is.

@WearyAuldWumman

You can write a letter of wishes to go with your will but it isn’t legally binding. If you want something specific for your funeral, organise this with your solicitor to ensure it happens. Do you have one? Leaving your house etc to a charity is reasonably straightforward and the only issue from what I’ve heard is that they’re quite persistent with the executors because they want the money.

We have said we want direct to funeral so if the one remaining Is compus mentus, this will happen, but for the second person, it’s up to our niece and nephew who will inherit as we don’t have dc.

I’m fortunate in that mum told me her cash hiding place and her document filing place. She already did a huge clear out to downsize, but still has an awful lot of stuff, none of which I want. My only sibling emigrated so won’t be able to (doesn’t want to anyway) take anything. It will be down to me to clear it.

Be wary of auction houses: when she downsized, they only took the massive kitchen table, solid wood with carved legs. I was surprised they didn’t want anything else.

Re leaving a landlord to clear out a relative’s rented accommodation, legally, yes, although nowhere in my ll’s insurance does it cover anyone dying/house clearance and we removed 8 car loads from my aggressive alcoholic’s house when he did a flit after not paying the rent for months. Morally, I’m not sure I could just abrogate the responsibility 🤷‍♀️plus I’m quite nosy so I’d want to sift through belongings.

@WearyAuldWumman please just sign your house over to your favourite charity !
leave it to a children’s charity, a dog charity or literally anything but to your horrible cousins!! Or even to a friends child that spends time with you? There must be someone who you feel cares for you and helps you that would have a lovely surprise thank you after you pass …. Or pay for someone to clear it with you and then sell the house yourself and move into a wardened controlled place where you’ll have the opportunity to make friend & spend your money on cruises !!

Hoarding is a mental health condition! ….
Collecting things of value isn’t… but hoarding is!
it isn’t mean to say that….. unless you think mental health is shameful of-course??
I don’t think mental health is shameful, and neither is hoarding…. Until that is it becomes an issue for the individual / access for emergency services or an issue for the neighbours