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Original poster

To think DS doesn’t haveautism

238 replies

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:53

So the word autism has never been said by professionals. He is going through a asd assessment but I know this doesn’t mean he has it. He was non verbal until 4 and a half now he is saying some words like “bed” “milk” etc. He doesn’t like routine but that might just be him as I am the same. He understands things like get your shoes or coat. He doesn’t like being wet he will freak out but I don’t know anyone who would like to get wet when they are dressed. School said he will gag if children in the school hall are having pasta or something but maybe he just doesn’t like pasta. He won’t socialise with other children but I like to be left alone too. School says he has no sense of danger but surely this is normal for 4 year olds.

They are trying to aim asd at him and I don’t think it’s fair as he’s only 4 and they need to give him time to develop

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2025 14:05

goldenautumnleaves25 · 04/11/2025 13:59

I’m similar. My son does have indeed ASD - but so do I. Which is why i never realised his behaviour was unusual;)

Yes, exactly.

Me too with ADHD.

OP do you think you might have traits as well?

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 04/11/2025 14:05

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:55

Because he might just be delayed

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There is a bit delayed and then there is sticking your head in the sand.

Shardonneigghhh · 04/11/2025 14:04

Autism is not a dirty word.

My kids were diagnosed later (aged 17 and aged 9). My older child was disadvantaged greatly by this. My younger child was able to access a school that meets his needs (eventually, in year 8) and this has been lifechanging for him and me.

TigerRag · 04/11/2025 14:04

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:59

I just don’t want him to be labelled something he is not. There is nothing wrong with being autistic but labelling him so young just seems wrong

But if he's "labelled" young doesn't that mean he'll get support sooner ?

I understand the waiting lists are huge. It makes sense to get him on the list for a diagnosis now

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 14:03

he doesn’t sound like he (or his classmates) are benefiting from mainstream school

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 04/11/2025 14:03

I hate to say it but my boy is nearly four and very similar and is very like autistic. He doesn't have much speech but understands everything and is obsessed with water and lining up cars. He is on the waiting list for an assessment. Why don't you think it is autism?

ObsidianTree · 04/11/2025 14:03

If the school are trying to get him assessed it means they have some serious concerns. He must need one to one support and the school can't give it to him unless assessed and funded.

I would leave it to school to decide. The assesment will help pinpoint what the issues are, even if it's not autism.

Honestly OP, not able to talk much by 4.5 is quite a problem. He won't catch up unless he has the support he needs.

TheatricalLife · 04/11/2025 14:03

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:58

He is very loving and will give eye contact and point so I am confused

My son (18) is incredibly loving and kind. He was diagnosed as autistic at 4 ❤️

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 14:03

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 14:00

They said it can take years

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Come again?

they said an asd diagnosis can take “years”?

Overthebow · 04/11/2025 14:03

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:59

I just don’t want him to be labelled something he is not. There is nothing wrong with being autistic but labelling him so young just seems wrong

If he is diagnosed with autism he will get a lot more supports and the school will get funding for it. It’s a positive thing to get a diagnosis if that’s what he has. I have autism, high functioning female so was late diagnosed, I did not get support in school which I really needed. My dd is likely autistic and in the pathway for diagnosis. She is in year 1 and I will be doing everything I can to get her the support she needs if she is diagnosed.

PlioTalk · 04/11/2025 14:02

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 13:57

From what you’ve described, I am asking certain your son is autistic.

And you should accept any and all support

Fully agree. Please don't be obstructive, OP - the earlier your son gets help, the better it is for him.

My now 11yo is AuDHD and was only officially diagnosed last year, as his father (who I'm separated from) was in absolute denial for years.

Original poster
TakingItall · 04/11/2025 14:01

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 14:00

And he’s not talking aside from the odd word

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He can say single words and sometimes a few words together. You can’t have a conversation with him and he can’t answer simple questions but I have heard children can just be delayed

OP posts:
Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 14:01

Have you ever been assessed op?

RobustPastry · 04/11/2025 14:01

Please do some research OP. Autistic kids are not unloving. They can make eye contact. Having a diagnosis is not a ‘label’.

SriouslyWhutNow · 04/11/2025 14:01

This must be a reverse?! Why would any parent make the appointments and go through with the referrals if they didn’t believe it?! It’s an uphill battle to get referrals and assessments, it’s not a passive process OP. Which I would have thought you would know if you had ever dealt with this system.

BreakfastOfChampignons · 04/11/2025 14:01

If hes being assessed for autism, there will already be evidence from professionals meaning there is a chance that he may be autistic. That's how the process works.

All the instances of you saying "but thats how I am" - I cannot tell you how many people I know who have been diagnosed as autistic and/or having ADHD off the back of their child/ren being assessed.

He is who he is. Any diagnosis won't change that, but will aid him (and others) in understanding who he is.

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 14:00

101Alsatians · 04/11/2025 13:59

So he's only just started talking recently?As you describe him as 4 now - so closer to 5 if he didn't talk till 4.5?

And he’s not talking aside from the odd word

Luxio · 04/11/2025 14:00

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:58

He is very loving and will give eye contact and point so I am confused

I appreciate it must be very confusing but none of those things means he doesn't also have autism. He will still be the same loving child but if they complete an assessment on him that identifies his needs he will be a loving child who also has appropriate support put into place.

Original poster
TakingItall · 04/11/2025 14:00

Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 13:59

You say he is being assessed now? So when will you know the upshot?

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They said it can take years

OP posts:
Daughterofthesea · 04/11/2025 14:00

Why don’t you just go ahead with the assessment - the professionals will be able to diagnose if he has ASD or not and will then put support in place if need be.
The school SEN team have a duty of care to flag if they spot the signs and all of the things you list sound like high needs ASD and I am experienced in this, having a ND child myself.
You sound in denial and you need to better support your child by accessing these services rather than worrying about labels.

goldenautumnleaves25 · 04/11/2025 13:59

I’m similar. My son does have indeed ASD - but so do I. Which is why i never realised his behaviour was unusual;)

Original poster
TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:59

101Alsatians · 04/11/2025 13:59

So he's only just started talking recently?As you describe him as 4 now - so closer to 5 if he didn't talk till 4.5?

He is 5 in February

OP posts:
Surprisedavailable81 · 04/11/2025 13:59

TakingItall · 04/11/2025 13:59

I just don’t want him to be labelled something he is not. There is nothing wrong with being autistic but labelling him so young just seems wrong

You say he is being assessed now? So when will you know the upshot?

FigAboutTheRules · 04/11/2025 13:59

I think this should be left to the professionals to diagnose, just as it would be for a medical condition. Each of the behaviours you describe is not proof or evidence of anything, but the whole picture of how he is might be enough to meet the threshold for diagnosis. You're his parent so you aren't in a position to be objective. Plus, it's possible that you also have autistic traits but think they are 'normal' because you don't know differently yet (I speak from experience here!).

101Alsatians · 04/11/2025 13:59

So he's only just started talking recently?As you describe him as 4 now - so closer to 5 if he didn't talk till 4.5?