To think DS doesn’t haveautism

My point is that at 3 that's very true, 4 less so. This child is almost 5. Do you know any children non verbal at 5 with global delays as opposed describes who went on to not have profound difficulties? I don't.

I think you missed the point of that pp's post. Just because a child has limited vocabulary at 4 doesn't mean they will go on to have profound needs / have profound autism.

Exactly this

I totally agree, my nephew was non verbal until almost 4, then suddenly could sing nursery rhymes and gradually speech came. Ops child is almost 5 and has only single words.

My nephew has autism and significant learning difficulties but is in mainstream school and has much less profound needs than ops child sound like.

My son is 7, likely high functioning autistic in that he has no learning disabilities but has sensory issues, rigid thinking and increasingly is behind socially. It's a spectrum as you obviously realise but op does sound solidly in denial

Well we dont know that The Ops child is. Only four, my son was non verbal at four and remains non verbal at nearly 16 he is profoundly autistic.
However some children don't remain non verbal and can make quite significant progress
There are clearly delays but nobody can say at this stage weather he will be profoundly autistic.

If he's not autistic what do you think is causing his frankly big delays?

He's 4. Being non verbal at 4 is not young.

My 7.5 yr old is likely high functioning autistic loving, makes eye contact with trusted people, has friends. At 4 had no sense of danger, would run off, emotionally volatile. Fully verbal and fully toilet trained, no attention span for drawing or colouring, could multiply big numbers

My 4 yr old has no autistic traits. She talks to me conversationally in full sentences and has a sense of humour. She can walk down the road beside me and cross safely. She understands danger and how to avoid it. She doesn't run off wildly. She can sing, follow instructions, draw and explain her drawing.

What you describe of your son sounds like fairly profound autism

Your understanding of autism is poor. That's not a criticism as you've probably had no reason to know about it until now. Worth doing thorough research and you'll soon learn that there every child with ASD is different. I've worked with many and it does sound like a possibility from what you've posted.

Have you thought if you might be autistic too?

(And your dad and your daughter)

It runs in families. Your normal is not other people's normal.

(Autistic parent of two autistic kids, and my dad was very autistic in his behaviour and rigidity of thinking. It was only when my daughter was going through the process that it clicked)

The (lack of) development and behaviour your son is showing would be extremely worrying for most parents. If your son isn't autistic you need to find out what is causing his lack of speech, engagement and such.

He is really not okay and he needs your help. With respect, do you have some kind of learning disability that's stopping you from fully grasping this situation?

@TakingItall

I have now read all your posts. I am giving this advice as a still undiagnosed mother (waiting list 6+ years here) of a diagnosed autistic (and ADHD & SPD) DC. I had to fight tooth and nail all the way because my child masks at school. If your school is telling you your child needs to be assessed, he really truly does. Teachers are not qualified to make a diagnosis, but they are well placed to flag children who would benefit from assessment. They do not start this process like handing out lollipops. You might be finding their views difficult to accept because you are used to your child, and can relate to him on a non-verbal level which allows deeper comminication between you. My child was not a late speaker, but I realised later on that I never felt unsure of what he wanted even before he could speak - I was just some how tuned into his frequency from very early on, and provided what he needed (sleep, comfort, food, interaction etc).

If there is autism/neuro developmental difference in your wider family too (it can be hereditary), it might just be that your view of what is developmentally appropriate is skewed. It is much much better for outcomes if children are helped early. If your child does not get the appropriate support, there is a risk that the gap between him and his peers just keeps on widening.

It sounds like a good idea to ask your SIL about the process she went through with your niece, but I would also strongly recommend that you ask the LA about support for parents of children with ALN. It might be helpful for you to have someone attend meetings with you (there are charities that do this work for the LA). I would also make sure that you are getting the appropriate support in meetings e.g. do you need information in written as well as spoken format? There are note taking apps that can be helpful (I cannot attend to the conversation and make notes at the same time, for example). This will help minimise the overwhelm felt at meetings, and you can read over the notes in peace and quiet. Also ask for meeting discussion points to be sent ahead by email in plenty of time for you to prepare.

It's a steep learning curve. Take all useful support that you can find. Good luck!

You seem to have some odd preconceptions about autism tbh. It is a very broad spectrum, and while some autistic people cannot make eye contact others can, and a lot mask by focusing on your nose or other part of your face to look like they can make eye contact.

Autists are also capable of being very loving. Love is shown in many ways.

Yes certainly children who have a global developmental delay are more likely to get picked up earlier for obvious reasons , but it doesn't follow that those who are developmentally delayed/ picked up early will go on to have high needs- there's just no way to tell (within the framework of current knowledge) which children will and which children won't, except to wait and see. some children simply "catch up" and others don't. One recent paper found that 37% of children with early diagnosis no longer have any clinically significant differences/ "symptoms" by the age of 7.

You have just described my son who is autistic, and the early intervention has been invaluable. I understand you may be finding the label hard to accept but it really makes no difference as he will still be your darling boy.

Quite often those children who are diagnosed at a young age tend to have more significant needs ( not always of course).

You keep saying it might just be because he's like you, but have you considered that you could be autistic too?
Schools have a lot of expertise in this area. They're trying to help him, not label him. Get him assessed and go from there.

@TakingItall are you feeling any different about the process after reading the replies? It is a lot to take in.

Just from my own personal experience, the children that get diagnosed younger tend to have a global development delay where as older children / adults don't so it's not picked up on sooner

I have 2 friends with autistic children who are both severely delayed / none verbal. One is 10 and was diagnosed when he was 3. The other is 4 and he has an appointment next week

Just my own opinion/experience it's fairly obvious with some globally delayed autistic children what their needs will be when their older. It was very clear that my friends then 3 year old was going to need lots of support as he was growing up

How old is he? I have a relative that was completely non verbal at 4.5. At 7 jaws the hind legs off a donkey

OP - when was the EHCP issued? By law, an EHCP has to be reviewed every year. This process includes a formal meeting with parents/carers, the school/nursery SENCO, plus professionals who work with the DC. Has this ever happened?
When a DC with an EHCP changes setting - eg from nursery to primary school, there should have been several transition meetings with the new teacher, SENCO etc. Did this happen?

It may be that the EHCP is very new, in which case, do make sure you know the law around what's meant to happen when. There's some good info here:

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/education-health-and-care-plans

That aside, in terms of getting your DS assessed, firstly, as you say the wait times are very long. Why not get him on the waiting list and see what happens? By aged 7, things may be a lot clearer.

I'm sure all this has come as a shock to you and it's a lot to process. My DS has autism and it look a long time for me to come to terms with it. Your lovely DS is still the same person with or without an official diagnosis. My DS tells me that he's grateful for knowing why he struggles with some things. It's not a perfect comparison but someone with diabetes still has that condition with or without a 'label' and knowing that they have a condition means they can get the support they need.

I would also say that most DC with autism do develop and learn new skills - just like all children - but it can take them longer to do so. Many have what's called a 'spikey profile' - so for example my DS is very knowledgeable about his specialist interests but can't tell the time or tie his shoelaces at 15.

As others have said, the priority is to ensure that your DS getting the help and support he needs to thrive now, regardless of a diagnosis. I would make an appointment to speak to his teacher and the Senco. You need to go through his EHCP line by line to make sure it's fit for purpose (any wording like 'would benefit from' is meaningless) - and then to ensure he's getting it. I would say that given his speech delay, you need to really look at what provision is in his EHCP to help with that. (My DS has daily speech and language therapy written into his EHCP for example.)

Who is organising the assessment?
I have got a bit confused with where the potential diagnosis has come from, it sounds like he went to nursery and they have raised concerns. I would trust their judgement and if they think he needs assessing and an EHCP then you need to go with that. Most parents have to fight to get this. It will enable your son to get support, depending on his EHCP requirement this could be a 1:1 TA which you do not want to miss out on by blocking any early intervention now as you don't want him labelled, meaning that the process is delayed and then he goes without support for all of KS1.

I don't understand why if he has an EHCP in place you haven't already met with the class teacher and sendco. In my school any IEPs were done in the first few weeks and we have even had a parents evening for everyone.
Check you haven't missed anything as this seems unusual for the lack of contact.

It sounds as though there is definitely something going on. I would want to explore it more with a medical professional

I think it's inevitably over diagnosed as it's pretty much the only available diagnostic label for a child age 4 to account for a wide variety of different presentations of neurodevelopmental difference that don't have a specific identifiable medical (e.g. genetic) explanation. The fact is that humans are neurodevelopmentally very diverse, meanwhile the assessment criteria - e.g. specific ASQ questions are remarkably specific and standardised.

OP it is rare for child to be awarded an EHCP before starting school driven by the nursery setting with passive parental involvement. It is concerning that you report being overwhelmed and zoning out in meetings. You need to be involved and SENDIASS can support you if needed.

‘They’ are not overreacting - you are under reacting. You need support so that you can support your son.

i'm 18 and autistic and your son sounds exactly like how i was at his age!! i really struggle with food, and was late to talk, but i can do eye contact and id say im pretty loving to people i'm close with! don't worry about the diagnosis, it isn't a "label," its just something that will help people understand him, and help them accommodate to what he needs. i was diagnosed at 13 and the diagnosis was a game changer; people and school stopped ignoring that i was struggling because they now had a duty to make sure they supported me. i found it very helpful. i understand this may be difficult for you to come to terms with but it really is a good thing that if he is autistic, he gets a diagnosis, so he can get the support he needs from school and eventually employers.

if he is being assessed, then, as PP said, there is definitely evidence that he's showing signs of being autistic. its no bad thing to get him diagnosed now, because all it means is he will be able to access support earlier rather than later! sending my best wishes OP and i hope your son gets the support he needs :)