Teenage DD ( 19 )

Shes developing friendships with the people she actually has around her in her normal life.
She isnt at school or college or working in a really young centerered environment, then friendships will start being with different social demographics.
I dont think its a bad thing. She will likely have different jobs and different friendships during her life. Just because they arent her age, doesnt mean they are less important

My son was a bit like this but for him going to uni was the turning point. Lots of new friends and a lovely girlfriend very quickly. I know your dd hasn’t gone to uni but is it something she didn’t want to do? (student debt etc is the downside).

Honestly I think the first step is that you make time for your own life, she shouldn't be tagging along all the time. I'm sure she didn't let you tag along when she last went out with her friends! Maybe she needs to be told this kindly once in a while. You are also at risk of losing friends or being excluded if she is always there, even if she is nice and polite it affects the dynamic for others. She will find her own way in life, you need to trust her. I think you maybe treat her a bit younger than she is? She is a young adult, people don't normally call 19 yr olds teens.

I wouldn’t worry OP. I lost touch with my school friends when I was 18 as I started work full time and most friends went to uni. I started a job where most people I worked with were 20 years + older than myself and I loved it. I’m now in my mid 30s and some of these people I worked with at 18 are still my closest friends now 20 odd years later. If shes happy and content then leave her be. If that changes then be there to support.

Volunteering. Our shop has several young people sent (not sure where they are sent from ? some job seekers group) because they have anxiety or something holding them back. The idea is they learn to work the till etc gain confidence then go on to a better paid job. It seems to work, though none of them have full time jobs so come in when it suits them and as often as they want.
Perhaps there is somewhere like that she could try.

I have been reading a book called "hold on to your kids" which is about the dangers of children attaching themselves to people other than parents, particularly peers. According to what I have read it is to the good that she feels secure and attached to you and any relationships she forms outside of the family will be on her own terms and most likely healthy with appropriate boundaries. I wouldn't "push her out of the nest" just yet probably, in a few months or a year things will start to change naturally

OP - With the best will in the world, you are projecting on to your daughter the things that you want her to do. The phrase “I often think she needs a boyfriend” says it all. Maybe she doesn’t want to get bogged down with a partner at the age of 19, or maybe she’s not attracted to males and is working all this out for herself. Nowadays young people don’t have to “go out” to meet people, there is something called the internet (for better or worse).

You sound like a really good, supportive parent who considers your DD in your family dynamic, and that’s great, but as others have said, do your own thing too when you want to. Is this your issue, rather than hers? Perhaps look inwards and work on yourself as to what is really bothering you about this situation. It’s hard for parents of millennials and Gen Z, with the cost of living and housing costs, they often remain at home as adults for much longer than we did.

YANBU.

She should be at her social peak atm. It's a lot harder to build and maintain social circles as we get older.

I think I agree with PP suggesting that you make sure that you are doing some socialising without her so she gets used to it in a gradual way.

It's very difficult when so many of her potential peers are going to be away at university at this age. The fact that she has interests and a job is a good sign here though. There's people her age that don't work and just stay home gaming, she's in a position where it's at least possible for her to meet other people and do interesting things.

I’m in the same situation. I’m just letting mine be, she will spread her wings when she’s ready.

Honestly she sounds like a lovely girl and that you have a great relationship, but don't feel guilty for having some time to go out with your friends on your own especially as she seem fine with it x

I often think she needs a boyfriend, but seen as she hardly ever goes out im wondering how she will meet someone

Probably online. It's how many young people start dating.

Honestly, I did the uni, going out drinking every night thing and all I have to show from it is regrets and debt! I’m now in my late 20’s, and settled down with my own family and one of my my best friend’s is a woman from work in her 50’s haha. I much prefer life now! She’ll be fine, she sounds like she has her head screwed on at a young age, starting her career and you should be proud of how you’ve raised her.

She probably just needs time to adjust to adult life, she is happy and wants to hang out with you - most parents will be jealous of this!

Enjoy the time, one day she will start doing other things and you will likely miss her company.

be happy and proud she is happy, liked and settled.

I was like that when I was 19. At that time I couldn’t drive and my friends were scattered over a wide rural district. My dad was my chauffeur! I’m a shy sort, reserved, so this is my normal state. Now in my late 40s with a child that’s moved out and with no current partner, I am trying to make new friends but I find it as difficult as I did at 19. My dad is the same as me!

Sounds like my youngest DS. He just didn’t (doesn’t) like people that much. He was happiest with older people and not a socialiser. He’s now happily living with his lovely girlfriend and has a great job. I worried too he was “missing out” but he was happy so I had to respect that

Referring to her as “teenage DD” who’s “confident chatting to adults” just shows how badly you are infantilising her. She’s 19- she’s your adult daughter. Let her be. The only thing I’d be worried about is how you seem to view her.

Maybe gradually do things she will be less interested in. "Leaving her out" in the right way may encourage her to socialise with her own friends a bit more. But if she is happy let her be, less and less teenagers seem to want to go out now 🤷‍♀️ I do think it's a bit sad as they are missing out on a lot, but it is their life to live and you can't force her to go out. They all seem a bit serious and not interested in doing half the stupid shite we did tbh

Yes, agree, but you do want her to start to build a life outside family, so you can enjoy time with your partner or own friends without feeling guilty or worrying that she's lonely. We all love our kids and enjoy spending time with them but we also want them to find fulfilment and probably a partner to share life with.

Must admit one of the things I like about myself is the fact that I’m confident; can walk into a rough pub/swanky restaurant/board meeting with execs and hold my own. But I don’t really want/need to to be happy.

I have my sister, and a couple of work colleagues who I’d consider friends because we socialise occasionally outside of work (one lady I no longer work with but we still stay in touch and go out for tea a couple of times a year). I lost a lot of friends when I left my abusive XHB, I don’t know what he told people but it was enough for them to go NC, and I was with him for 17 years so a lot of our friends were my only “proper” friends.

The only time I don’t like it is when DD wants to go places like a bonfire for example this weekend. Don’t want to go just the two of us but don’t really have anyone to go with. But if it was left to me I’d be drinking white wine and eating takeaway pizza on the sofa. 😏

Some people are introverts and that's ok