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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

185 replies

FouroutofFivee · 04/11/2025 12:18

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

OP posts:
1dayatatime · 04/11/2025 12:40

Well I spent my late 30s and early 40s desperately trying to hang on to my former glory through diets, gym, fashion etc etc. Until to be frank it became too much hard work and hassle and expensive. So I kinda just accepted getting older and being me.

DustyMaiden · 04/11/2025 12:40

I feel like that in my 60s but don’t really care. In your 30s is very young are you sure you’re not over reacting.

MonsterMunchLabubu · 04/11/2025 12:39

Nobody cares what you look like. They care what THEY look like.

someepeoplearenice · 04/11/2025 12:38

I was never beautiful but scrubbed up well. I loved getting dressed up and going out and feeling I looked nice. I loved men looking at me. I think that's normal if you are a heterosexual woman.

I hate ageing. Really hate it.

CarlaLemarchant · 04/11/2025 12:37

If you were attractive before, how wrong can things have gone really?

Option 1- Botox or face lift.
Option 2 - good make up, flattering hair and clothes, the odd facial ie nothing drastic but ‘well maintained’.
Option 3 - learn to love yourself as you are.

Most people get by by doing a combination of options 2 or 3.

It’s not unreasonable to feel sad about aging looks but (and this does sound cheesy but it’s true), there will be so much more to you than your looks and you need to value that. Your mum probably makes the best of what she’s got but it will be her self confidence that radiates through.

IwishIhadcheese · 04/11/2025 12:37

I certainly wasn’t beautiful but passable! Definitely sad about aging and my changing face/body. I am beginning to look at options but I’m not sure, I think that for me I would rather make peace with the passage of time and be joyful that I am still here.

Original poster
FouroutofFivee · 04/11/2025 12:36

rainydaysaway · 04/11/2025 12:20

How old are you and how long have you felt this way? It can take time to get used to our changed looks.

I’m not even that old, I’m in my 30s which makes me feel worse because I feel like I should still be in my prime. I’ve felt like this since about 29 and I’m 36 now

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 04/11/2025 12:35

I was a head turner in my 20's, then I got fat and old. I feel free. Invisibility is underrated.

Malariahilaria · 04/11/2025 12:30

I think we're in such an appearance focused world, that has only become worse with social media, that its hard not to focus on your looks and be a little sad at them fading. Pretty privilege is real so, once attractive people, might feel ignored or irrelevant. I stopped being attractive years ago but was so relieved not to be heckled walking down the street that I was glad of it. I got fat too which turned me completely invisible. I don't love the way I look but its restful not being observed by men or looked upon distrustfully by some women.

rainydaysaway · 04/11/2025 12:20

How old are you and how long have you felt this way? It can take time to get used to our changed looks.