If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

If you were once beautiful - you are still beautiful. Looks are not lost. Creases in skin due to decades of laughter are just as beautiful as smooth skin without wrinkles. You get to choose whether to consider only youth to be attractive. You may be seeing ugliness in the mirror because you are frowning/scowling/grimacing at what you see there. Instead, hold your head up high, think of all the joy in your life and smile - your looks are still there.

I work with really old people sometimes to a 95 year old I’m a mere slip of a girl at 50! One said wistfully “oh to be 50 again” so it’s all relative!

I'm a similar age and can relate somewhat.

I'm lucky I don't really have wrinkles but I've noticed over the last couple of years that I'm definitely looking older - my eyes have become more hooded and my cheeks are beginning to sag. I'm a parent to a small child so I 1) put it down to general tiredness and 2) have less time to notice or care.

I'm trying to make a conscious effort to drink more water as I often forget to do this, but one thing I have become aware of recently is that the way I did my makeup in my 20s/early 30s no longer flatters me. I don't want to do a complete overhaul but I've made some small tweaks - not sure if these have made me look younger, or if my old techniques were making me look older, but it has made a positive difference.

You’re only 36! Are you sure you don’t have self esteem issues?

Humans are only in that stunning young adult beauty zone for a few short years - dangerous to base your self worth on that short life stage.

I don’t miss the general perving and men being weird / resentful with me.

😆😆😆

I was very pretty in my 20s and 30s, but I’ve found that as I’ve aged, I have become wiser and more confident. I am proud of the fact that I am no longer vain, no longer wear makeup and have more depth as a person. I think attractiveness is more than just stereotypical beauty and you only need the surface level beauty when you are trying to attract a mate (in your fertile years). When you are older, you have other things to offer, wit, wisdom, humour, patience, lived experience. I would hate to look like I did when I was younger now, I am in a different chapter now and loving it. It is someone else’s turn to be the pretty young thing!

I’m 51 and yeah, I’m 51, but I still enjoy following fashion (appropriate!) and accessorising, doing my hair and the joy of a new outfit.

It makes me think I wasn’t ever really interested in the attention for youthful beauty, more that I genuinely like being creative with my appearance.

I feel similar @staryellow. Am mid 40s and have recently developed an interest in style for the first time in my life. Style goes a long way and is also just .... Fun.

The older I get - the more I look like my father's bus pass photo. (A miserable old man.)

Hated it for years - resigned to it now.

Christ on a bike you are in your 30s. I've seen more posts like these and I do think social media is fuelling the rise in negative mindsets on looks.

Firstly take up strength training. It transforms your skin as your skin sits over muscle. Secondly wear colours that suit you. Thirdly stop comparing yourself- focus on what you want to accentuate. Forget the rest. Fourthly don't tie your self worth to your looks ever - do things because you want to.

All easier said than done and we can all feel like having an overhaul sometimes.

I'm in my late forties and have developed at this late stage in my life an interest in clothes and style, even fashion a bit. I always stupidly looked down on it as frivolous but now I totally get it, you can express yourself via what you wear, even sort of signal for want of a better way of putting it that you're into this stuff and therefore into life! That you're keeping up with stuff, you haven't checked out. You can figure out what works on you silhouette wise and colour/shading wise. It's great! All that stuff makes a difference and it's in your control unlike ageing.

I think part of the reason I was less into this stuff when younger was because back then the fashion industry seemed mostly interested in making women look 'male gaze pretty/sexy' iyswim. Now there's still that but lots of other stuff too - it's got way more interesting, there's way more scope to express yourself. So even though I was definitely prettier when I was younger etc, I think in another way I look better now. I'm definitely more confident in myself.

I’ve had some moments of feeling quite gutted with my aging. But then I look at people with before and after surgery and realise we don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone. (Friendly, creased up, quirky faces seem so much nicer, warmer, more lovable to me than pulled back symmetrical faces and turkey teeth). So I try to appreciate my face as the one my family loves and recognises. It just is.

I noticed my skin start changing once I hit my 30s, body aches etc. It can be shocking when you first notice ageing. Do you have young children? I feel like this sometimes but remind myself I'm not getting enough sleep, don't have time to put on a tan, wear less makeup, don't look after my hair or skin like I used to etc. I remind myself I'll have more time to look after myself again.

30s are quite tricky, I think a lot of people struggle to adjust to not being in their 20s and looking like that, and feeling confident due to looks rather than achievement. I was just looking at some photos from that time and fgs I looked rubbish - obese, dressed from charity shops as if I had a different body, did my own haircuts which were NOT successful. I got better at being older in my 40s. Tbh I think I looked brilliant in my early 50s - having more money and confidence helped.

There are some easy ways to look better - standing up straight is the simplest of all, aim to walk like a queen - but they all require you to think you’re worth it.

This.

I wasn't beautiful but pretty (as most young women are tbh). I was acutely and intensely embarrassed about heckling and comments from older men as a young and mid teenager (doubly complicated by my low self esteem regarding appearances -created by my clueless parents who loved a good label having made it clear my sister was "the pretty one" and I was "the sensible one", when we were prepubescent 🤔), then for five or six years I got the hang of being pretty and enjoyed the advantages in my very late teens and early twenties, but tbh once I wasn't on the market for a partner and didn't want the kind of entry level job looks help you get, I became acutely uncomfortable with the kind of creepy attention pretty young women get, especially from older men and especially once I had my first baby.

I also found that after a certain age I care more about interactions with other women, and looking clean and presentable is all that matters looks wise with platonic interactions with other women.

Actually being genuinely beautiful (rather than pretty largely due to youth, vitality, body shape and nice skin and hair) is fairy rare and doubtless a different experience which supposedly actually causes people to keep their distance - I don't think I know anyone genuinely beautiful in person, rather than pretty/ attractive.-

It sounds as though your perception of how attractive you are has changed over time. What's caused that? Weight gain/loss, stress, sleeplessness?

Honestly, that seems young to feel that way, which makes me wonder if you're viewing yourself very harshly and there's something else going on.

Hey this is my motto !! A a dear friend once said, (when I criticising myself) WHOS looking at you, No one !
Absolutely, we are all self obsessed!

I am 36 and I have started to notice in the last year that I have more wrinkles and appear much more tired, dry and older.

I think part of the issue is so many people these get procedures now - might be fillers, or laser treatment, botox etc. So if you're used to seeing people who are your age who've had these treatments done (whether you know if they have or not) , you might start to feel especially old. Especially as the majority of people on the telly have had these, so they all look like they're aging suspiciously well.

I'm sure we've had this thread before.
I'm 63 and quite happy with how I look after losing 5 stone with the exception of my turkey neck. I'm not putting up with that so I'm off to have it done in May. I can't stick looking at it.
My other imperfections I don't care about.

What do your friends and family think? (If this is the kind of convo you have!) Can you ask your mum?

I mean - is it just in your head?

I’m in my 50s and when I notice the signs of ageing, eg sagging skin, it does depress me. I can understand now why people get facelifts!

Fucking livid, in all honesty.

Normally if someone has an actual beautiful/good looking face ageing & weight gain doesnt diminish it. Youth itself is attractive which benefits the majority of the population.

Oh my god, you’re so young! You can’t have changed that much. Just get a bit of Botox (if you fancy it, fine if you don’t), refresh your make up and hair. We tend to stick with the same styles and products that we trust but it’s not always wise.