If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

I hear you op. I blossomed in my thirties, called sexy, beautiful, hot….im still holding on in my forties…but im aging, the dreaded turkey neck is coming….and its a struggle, i dont want to be invisible, i dont want to look old….but i cant afford face lifts/treatments/botox so do what i can with sleep, diet, exercise….its depressing, but i also know its a blessing to get older so trying to adjust and accept my aging appearance.

At least you were pretty once

I was good looking in my 20s, I'm still good looking in my 50s. I haven't lost my looks, I've just got older.

I think there’s something in that.

My best friend was an absolute stunner when we were in our early-mid 20s. A real head-turner. Wonderfully kind and funny as well. A real blast to hang out with.

I... was not. Was, and always have been - a plain jane.

Said friend is now a tired mum of 2 small-ish boys and in her early 40s. You can see that she used to be very pretty, but honestly, she isn't really any more. She's just joined the ranks of tired, wrinkly mum in the same clothes she's had for 10 years.

Looking at FB photos of girls I knew from school. It's actually the plainer ones who are keeping their looks, and looking younger, than the ones who used to be pretty... The pretty girls are still doing the same make-up, and have the same hair and style of clothes they were wearing at their peak... And it's all a bit aging and "mutton".

I get ya I was never pretty but looked well dressed up and made the effort. however as you get older what worked for you early on doesn't work now. then throw in covid and we all goy into a routine of staying at home. you need to start looking after what makes you feel good ti boost your confidence be it hair done or skin etc. start looking after your skin no amount of make up looks good on bad skin. cleans serum eye cream moutiruser and spf. don't have to expensive good stuff in alid etc or you can go as expensive you want. the difference in my skin in the days not using a serum is huge now. especially night one. make up is light now quick glow promer and light foundation plus mascara and lip blam. I love my hair I can't stand grey so get it coloured get a blow dry once a month and use good shampoos masks etc. I also make sure I exercise most days even if its just a walk try to eat good cant drink as much as used too ( another perk of getting old 🤣) so I buy a nice bottle of wine and that myself to one or two glasses at weekend. I wfh mostly so at home no one session what I were but when I go to office or pit on a Saturday even if its just to the shops i make a little effort to dress nice. I no longer have real dressy clothes but good separates I can mix and match. it may seem silly to people but its those little things that help me boost my confidence every day.

I think this is super interesting especially when you realise it's one of the most accessible day to day 'creative hobbies', so much to think about fabric and cut and styling. Also past 40 almost all signalling via clothes is to other women! It's never ever really men who say 'I love your shoes/shirt/perfume/where do you get your hair cut' is it?! You're signalling into a social group, whatever that might be.

A lot of it is about confidence.

I'm very tall, slim and always turned heads in my 20s.

I'm now mid 40s, not quite as slim, the face has sagged, my neck looks somewhat wrinkly, I have some frown lines, my hair is drier... OMG eye bags (will blame the kids for that).

But mostly I don't care!! I'm still me! And if people want to judge a mid-40s person for not looking like a 20 something year old then they're not my sort of people.

I do look after my body with exercise and a (mostly) balanced diet (I love fast food hence lots of exercise) and I do a lot of stuff so like to think I'm an interesting person.

I actually feel quite sorry for people who feel the need to have fillers to try and look younger, rather than having the confidence to just be themselves.

The best relationships (friendships/marriages) in life are based on compatibility of personalities, not what you look like.

You can date the most "beautiful" looking person in the world, but if they don't have much of a personality and character about them, you will soon get VERY bored.

I feel horrible. I hate ageing, and I'm sick of people telling me "it's a blessing" and all that drivel. It isn't a blessing. It's absolutely awful.

At 47, I am perimenopausal & very overweight...I wouldn't say ugly but I have never felt so invisible in my whole life. In my late teens/early 20's, I was slim (although, foolishly thought I was fat) and although no raving beauty, attractive and never had a problem getting fellas. A work colleague at the time called me "the 5th All Saint" which is still the greatest compliment I have ever received!!
It's my own fault that I put the weight on but I also don't have the willpower or motivation to really commit to doing something about it, so I'm sort of stuck in a vicious circle. OP, I'm sure that you are not at all "ugly" and my advice is to just take care of yourself as best you can, both mentally and physically - you are still young so please try not to let your self doubt consume you. As someone else said, there is so much shoved down our throats about looking a "certain way" nowadays which is so sad because it's the unique-ness of people that makes them interesting. Sending hugs x

I can see now many years later that I was quite beautiful in my teens and early 20s. I had very poor self esteem and mental health, so I think being both physically attractive and vulnerable made me a bit of a target.

When I was older I gained a lot of weight and no longer looked conventionally attractive for a few reasons. I noticed how many "friends" lost interest in me once I no longer fit a certain image.

That was a hard lesson. But I do now see the advance in my average looks - at least I can see that anyone who wants to hang around with me isn't hanging around with me for shallow reasons.

Tou have to just acxept the wrinkles and inevitable sagging.
I notjced that once I hit about 35 then older men who would previously have acted protected or fatherly towards me started to eye me as fair game.
I am now 40s and quite honestly I absolutely love not being hit on by young idiots. I relish the dignity that age has given me.
I was always being smoozed by absolute dick heads who just wanted sex and now they seem to have gone away or are too afraid to approach, which is the best blessing age has given me.
Although a teenager on an electric scooter did ride past me the other day and shout 'MILF' which I took as sarcasm as I actually looked like shit 😂

Are you looking at old photos of yourself a lot? From now (33) compared to 3-4 years ago I’ve lost all the puppy fat from my face. It was round and now it is not. It made me look so young and fresh faced. I don’t think I look awful now but it is quite a stark change that definitely happened at a late 20s sort of age.

I'm 46. I look better than ever 🔥

I was lovely looking in my 20s but insecure, lacking in confidence and had no ability to protect myself/have boundaries/was a people pleaser.

My 30s were spent having babies.

Now, I've lost weight, found my style, got highlights, had botox, invested in good makeup. I am also assertive, outspoken, bold and fun.

No one can actually believe the difference 😆

It seems to be a truth universally accepted by the kind of person who posts this sort of thing that us plain women are delighted when the formerly beautiful start losing their looks, so we're all levelled out into hagdom after a certain age.

Some of them even seem to suggest that those of us who were never good-looking are in a better position because we're used to being invisible or actively derided for our lack of outward appeal. Whereas they are like Derby-winning thoroughbred racehorses forced to pull a coal-cart.

Maybe we should give lessons to the sad former beauties mourning their lost looks. Lesson #1: How To Cope When the Wolf-Whistling Stops. Lesson#2: The First Night Out When No Man Hits On You. Lesson #3: When the Cashier Hits the 'Visibly Over 25' Button.

Money makes a huge difference. Look at the Spice Girls - some look better now than did in prime.

I've always been extremely plain and I'm still gutted by what ageing is doing to my appearance! I don't think it's a given that beautiful people care more?

I was a gorgeous teenager and 20-something, then hit 30 and rapidly developed a pudding face, surprise bristles and thinning hair. I sometimes feel sad about it but it's not something that bothers me day to day. I'm a much more interesting, self-confident person now than I was when I was beautiful and that more than makes up the difference in how I feel about myself. I do take tweezers and a home IPL to the stealth attack bristles though!

I don't agree with this and I don't think it's particularly kind to try to convince the OP she was never actually attractive.
You can definitely be beautiful as a youth and age badly, it happens to loads of people.

Time to start being your own validation OP. You could always have surgery or injections to look younger, but the external attention could still elude you and it sounds like that's what you really miss? If you were still getting hit on all the time, would you have noticed your changing face? And yes 35 is very young to worry about ageing, do what makes you happy and makes you feel your best.

I don’t really mind my face even though I’m definitely aging (46). In fact I like my laughter lines!! What I’m sad about is my hair- I always thought people cut their hair just because it was the done thing, not because it thins out! I used to have thick healthy hair, it’s really bitty looking now

I think there may be a reduction in compliments from random strangers generally in society. When I was young it was common for builders to wolf whistle or comment at any female that walked past, but that isn't really acceptable anymore (thankfully! I prefer to walk down the road and not feel obliged to smile politely or be faced with the "cheer up love" follow up)... so part of what you're experiencing may be that.

Are you in a relationship? If so, what does your partner think? Or your best friend?

I think we all get less attention as we get older. When you’re young you are in the prime of life. You look great, and life hasn’t kicked you around. Young women always get attention.

As we get older I suppose we do become “invisible”, and But OP you seem like your confidence is really low and that’s sad. Are there any aspects of your life that are troubling you?