If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

This. Although I certainly didn't think I was very beautiful when I was young, I look back at old pictures now and think oh I looked great!

There was a definite shift in my 30s when my casual "couldn't care less" look started to feel more like a "doesn't care anymore" look. I really felt I had lost my way somehow and suddenly had no idea who the person in the mirror ought to dress. Fashion had never been of any interest to me at all and I had no ideas where to start, so I just searched for images of people I liked the style of, and just kind of copied some of it. I bought some new clothes, and changed my hair cut and colour.

I don't look young. I'm not. But people seem to guess my age as younger than I am so I guess that's as good as it gets for a mature woman! I dress a lot smarter and more ..groomed?

I dress to please me, and enjoy experimenting with my style. I am bolder and more trendy I suppose! But I have no interest in looking sexy, or trying to attract male attention (though sometimes I still do) and you should ask yourself why that is so important for your self image @FouroutofFivee

I was never beautiful but I wasn’t bad looking and turned heads. It’s hard, especially when you have a stunning daughter in her 20’s! It helps that I’m happy with my life and the more people around me who become chronically ill, the more grateful I am for my health. But I do think the prettier you were, the harder it is.

I won't say I was ever 'beautiful', which I think is genuinely rare. But I was pretty as a young woman, with a great figure. I'm now in my 50s, and while I like to think I'm ageing well and haven't gained much weight, obviously I'm decades past my prime. I used to get quite a bit of male attention until well into my 40s, but that's mostly dried up now. Does it bother me? Sometimes I feel a bit wistful about it, but no more than that. I thought I'd find ageing much harder than I do in fact find it.

In your 30s you need to start looking after yourself. I empathise, because at that time in my life I had neither the time nor the money to invest in how I looked. Young children , working full time, travelling for work, lack of money….. However, I looked much better in my 40s and 50s!

Looking back, these would be my suggestions…

take care of your teeth - the ones you have are the only ones you’ll have
see a dermatologist for your acne
develop a skin care routine that you can keep up with
ditto your hair
do whatever you can to get a good night’s sleep - really helps!
watch your weight - 2 meals + 1 healthy snack is all you need
prioritise a really healthy diet - Mediterranean, lots of vegetables, a fair bit of protein
exercise at least 4-5 times a week, including resistance/weight-based workouts

This is what I do in my 70s, and I don’t look too bad. I only wish I had started earlier 😆

This is so very true. My Aunt was a model back in the 60s. She is still beautiful now at nearly 82 and has had two marriage proposals (from younger men) in the 6 years since my Uncle died.

If you're genuinely beautiful then it lasts a lifetime.

Haven't got time to read whole thread but (though I never thought much about it at the time), looking back at photos now makes me so gutted. I was beautiful, but didn't think I was and had zero confidence. I wish I'd made the most of it! I'm now fat, exhausted and old and I hate it. I just try - genuinely - to avoid mirrors and am almost never persuaded into photos. Not much time to dwell on it but when prompted, like now, I realise how much it gets me down sometimes. But zero time to myself and just can't get a handle on the sugar addiction atm.

You're a lot younger than me OP! I'm 52 and not enjoying it one bit. Perhaps I'll get a second wind in a few years' time, or perhaps I'll just be bloody lucky to be alive (if I am) unlike 4 friends who have passed away in the last 3 years. I remind myself constantly that I'm lucky to be here but yeah. It sucks.

I was plain until I hit 35, matured into handsome/striking looking (I am female!) til a couple of years ago and have started looking more like my age, (just a smidge past 55) recently.

Have wondered about getting some blemishes and xanthodermas (xanthelasmas?) removed and maybe a mini- facelift (the thread one) to get rid of the sag lower on my face and my eyes.

I'm still interesting looking, particularly if I smile and I am way more confident in myself than in my 20s.

Not so much beautiful but I had the most perfect breasts. Really amazing. Then I had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. I have not had a reconstruction. To be honest, am so much happier without them. Pre-cancer, I was mostly objectified by men, now I am not. In the eyes of some others, I am no longer the value of my breasts. This makes me happy. On a plus note, I don't have to worry about them sagging, drooping or getting bigger, all things that often happen to dense breasts once post-menopause.

Another upside of having cancer is that I also lost my hair, so for a year, walked around bald, rarely wearing a wig or covering my head. Pre-cancer, something like this, something that would so affect my looks, appearance, sense of self, not to mention how others viewed me would have worried me immensely. I would have imagined not wanting to leave the house. However, cancer didn't give me that luxury. I had to get on with my life and leave the house, if only to get treatment. To be frank, after cancer, I no longer care about my appearance, getting older or anything. The paradox is that I probably look better post cancer and menopause, and am definitely more relaxed in my new body then I ever was before. Facially, I have good bone structure and so far, my face has yet to collapse. Have never really worn make-up, so I just concentrate on having skin that glows and is in great condition. Somehow, chemotherapy and lack of hormones (am not allowed HRT) has not effected this. However, I expect it will at some point during the next decade. Having already outlived my mother, ageing is a great privilege. This has greatly impacted my perception of ageing. Not everyone grows old.

I simply don't believe that you aren't attractive OP.
There isn't any person I know who can't make themselves attractive. There are different types of attractiveness.
Do you think you are over thinking OP?
Please take care and celebrate who you are.

Ive never been beautiful but scrubbed up well enough to attract men. Then came.the menopause. The "allure" left the room and I became invisible. It bothers me not one bit. My handmaiden days are well and truly over 🤣🤣

And the reason you don’t get hit on by random dickheads is because they don’t dare approach older more assertive women.

I PROMISE you OP that you have not lost your looks at aged 36. I think women in their 30s look better than in their 20s, more elegant and polished as opposed to unformed and babyish.

Not everyone’s cup of tea but I started to feel like this when I was 29 just gave birth to my second child. I started getting minimal Botox, filler and facials and I’m 33 now and feel a lot more content with how I look now. I also have a minimal but strict skin routine.

Yeh i hear what you are saying but in my experience its the opposite. Out of my friendship group me and one other look by far the youngest (50s) - and get heaps of compliments all the time and told we look years younger. Interestingly we are the only ones who have had no work done at all, and wear minimal make up. I really believe 'work' is aging. Its a look that just makes even younger women look so much older. My friends are beautiful women, but look odd and shiny and I believe older. I wish they had left their beautiful selves alone, but they say it gives them more confidence.

I dunno, maybe I just got lucky. My mum looks way younger than her age at mid 70s and we are both red heads and she hasn't a hint of grey, me neither. I mean I see the aging process in myself, but so far it doesn't bother me. Maybe when my tits are skimming the carpet I might though.

I wasn't beautiful but I was pretty, but it's something I only see in hindsight. So I don't struggle with now ageing and losing that - I struggle with the fact I didn't appreciate my youthful health and prettiness in the first place. I peaked young appearance-wise, that's for sure.

I've never been attractive although I was better looking in my 20s than I appreciated at the time. However now in my late 40s I accept myself and think I look ok. I actually look a lot younger than most people my age and have no wrinkles at all, plus quite nice skin. It's funny how things go. But either way, beauty,if you have it, is really something to be enjoyed for a brief time without attaching to it.

Not reading the full thread because it'll make me feel insecure, heh. This resonated as I recall first feeling like this at 29. Comments:

1. I was an idiot at 29. What I was seeing was maturation, not disfigurement. Faces start to settle into the structure defined by the underlying bones, rather than being puffed out by 'the fat of youth'. At 29, I was mourning the face I had at 21. Bonkers.
2. There's a lot more expression in an older face. This process is only just beginning at your age; it will make your face a more powerful tool.
3. That said, I'm glad I started getting my head around the natural processes at such a young age. It means that now, with a VERY sagged & wrinkled 70-year-old face, I really don't care. I'm 70, what can you expect?! I'm alive, I prefer this to the alternative 😂
4. In that vein, the only way to escape ageing is to die. Seems a bit extreme.
5. Through my thirties, I spent a staggering amount of money on creams and treatments. They did help - but, mainly, they made me look healthier not younger. Since the effects can only be temporary, I'm not sure it was worthwhile. You could maintain a more relaxed-looking face by raising your meditation and yoga game, tbh.
6. I looked better through my forties than I (arguably) ever had. Having decided ageing's inevitable, I suntanned with abandon (yes, I've got the wrinkles now) and, more to the point, got extremely fit. I didn't look young but did look radiant, was always taken for younger, and felt fucking amazing.
7. My face suddenly collapsed at menopause. This is normal. By that point, I was grown-up enough not to care how far my face diverged from 'conventionally attractive' and had already absorbed the lesson that expressiveness counts for more than plumpness and firmness.
8. It is possible to have a youthful face on an older body, if you have hundreds of thousands to spend and don't mind undergoing frequent, painful surgeries. It isn't worth doing - because, if you are not young, a young face conveys the wrong message and gives an 'uncanny valley' effect. I've met a couple of women like this. One even said she regrets it.

yes I miss it at times but its life i do not want to be defined by being that woman who could not accept she isn't what she was. I am no longer particularly good looking or attractive but I have a much warmer personality now and a different kind of confidence so I am happy

I enjoyed my time being young and beautiful I never doubted the power it. Seeing young women enjoying their beauty makes me smile

I have. It happened during Covid. I suspect the vaccines as I developed a mast cell issue and put on a huge amount of weight very rapidly. I was an Australian size 8 (or extra small) and now I wear size 16 to 18.

I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I’m swollen and bloated sand constantly tired. I am bigger now than when I was 9 months pregnant. I was still in size 8 jeans when I was pregnant and normal size 10 shirts were still loose on me.

I am now completely invisible. I’m ignored by everyone.

I had a career that was quite high status - people listened to what I had to say. Now I’m a mother I’m treated like I am stupid.

I was beautiful in my youth. Really strong bone structure. People would stop me in the streets.

Its still there. I old now, but it hasn’t gone away. I don’t have many wrinkles or a sagging chin. I’m just me. An older version.

36 is very young to feel like this and it sounds as though it is getting you down. It would be a great pity if this feeling you have about your looks caused a blight on your life. You are so young and have so many good times ahead of you! If I were you I would find a good counsellor / therapist to talk it through with. This may not seem an obvious solution to you, but please give it a try. You may be surprised at what you find out about yourself.

LOL!

Now, @Kendodd -- while it's true you had your own brand of youthful charm, I'm not sure 'good looking' is entirely accurate...?