If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

Gosh, I really understand it. I’m 34 and after having a daughter became so much worn out. Miss having good looks, but don’t have the energy to get it back. Was doing sports 3 hours a day when teenager, had sooo much energy and looked amazing. Now can’t be bothered.

Glad to no longer be in the male gaze and never liked the attention. Great to have some peace.

In case the link doesn’t work, it’s a Jimmy Carr interview where he says I bet you’d give everything you have in 30 years time if you could be as young and as healthy and feel as good as you do now.

I was never beautiful but I was very attractive although I was too insecure to be confident at the time!

I had my child in my early 40s and feel like I’ve aged a decade since he was born 4 years ago. The years of disturbed sleep and onset of perimenopause has been a rough ride!

That said, I think the main thing is that I’m only just starting to rebuild my sense of self post motherhood. I used to be very busy with lots of hobbies and friends and we moved away from where we lived so I’ve had to start again and frankly it’s hard to find the energy for hobbies. So I genuinely think that’s what will make the biggest difference for me, not my appearance, and that’s what strikes me about your post - it’s all about your appearance. Maybe you need to focus on all the other great things about you? What else do you have going on that makes you feel good about yourself?

Also this https://youtube.com/shorts/0kBN3TTCxkE?si=mLiRicuTFsQQ018z

My mum feels like you

I don’t I just accept it’s part of life I’ve had my time to shine and now it’s younger women’s time to shine

and agree with pp being invisible is underrated

The level of attention you were getting seems pretty extreme to me, but I’m a lot older so perhaps things have changed. It is natural to get less attention as you get older. A lot of men will be in settled relationships and not flirting with beautiful women. I’m willing to bet that you are still beautiful but people respect you more now that you’re older. Older men don’t go around slipping their phone number into women’s pockets unless they’re creepy. You’re still gorgeous. The men around you have grown up, and so have you.

Far worse things than getting older, health for one

I used to turn heads when I was young. I don't miss the street harassment or the staring. I don't even miss being told I'm beautiful all the time, because I just found it acutely embarrassing. It also didn't matter how many times I was told, I didn't really believe it at the time.

Now in my early 40's, while I still get compliments and (unwanted) male attention from time to time, I am not turning heads anymore. Perimenopause and years of sleep deprivation when my 2 DC (both with SEND) were small have definitely had an impact. I've also gone from a size 8 in my 20's to a size 14. I'm definitely more stylish and 'put together' now than when I was in my 20's, but back then I could've gone out wearing a bin bag and looked fabulous.

I am a lot happier than I was in my teens and 20's though. I'm also more interesting, wiser, more empathetic, and I have more to say. I think those things are sexy, and I don't really care whether anyone else agrees because ultimately when it comes to my own worth, mine is the only opinion that matters. I still make an effort with clothes, my hair and my make up but now I do it because it makes me feel good, not for the approval of others.

Wow. I can’t believe some of the advice saying have surgery!!! This is totally missing the point.

OP you will NOT be ugly. It sounds like you have crippling self-consciousness. Attractiveness isn’t measured by men leering at you! Men your age are hopefully past blatant leering. You’re using the wrong measure of what attractiveness is.

Ypur post sounds like self-esteem issue, not an appearance one. You do not sound in good mental health.

I am genuinely horrified that women are reading this and thinking surgery could fix it. Surgery does not fix mental health issues.

I feel you. I was the girl all the men used to look at and always had compliments about my looks. 44 now and recently realised I’m not attractive anymore and actually feel sick looking at photos. I think it’s worse for people who were attractive and have lost it. It’s almost like grieving who you once were. It may sound shallow to some but that’s how I feel

I disagree. Most people that age haven't found their style or settled into their personality, all of which impact on a person's attractiveness. It may be 'phsyical peak' but there's more to attractiveness than that.

I think 23 is peak female attractiveness.

Yep!

I agree. I think most people, male or female, are at their most attractive in their 30s. It's the perfect balance between maturity and physical prime.

Your 30's? I was in my most gorgeous era in my 30s?! That's mad.

I am now 50 something and 3 stone overweight. I long for my pretty days back, well, I'm still attractive, just not slim and attractive any more! Or young!

You can't have lost it in your 30's though?

These men are pathetic!

Weight gain/loss can certainly change a person's face.

I look like a pie face when heavier. You can actually see my facial bones when I'm slimmer! (10 stone)

I empathise. I did not enjoy becoming the invisible woman!
Made all the more treacherous by having two magnificent daughters whose beauty's bloom mirrors my demise.
Mother Nature is a bitch!

Oh, I don't feel like that and I'm even older.
I had a similar experience as you with men when young (and always got excellent service in restaurants and bars )
I don't miss it. I still get comments about being good looking in my 50s and I've never had any 'treatments' and don't even wear makeup, never have apart from a bit of mascara going out when young (think of the money I must have saved )
If you were better looking than your peers when younger, you probably still are better looking than them now. And anyway, we're not here just for men to stir at.

I’m in my 70s now and acutely aware that what I can do matters WAY more than how I look.

I hike, exercise, lift weights, play tennis, swim, ski, ice-skate, cycle. I read, paint, go to the theatre, travel.

Will I outlive my friends who, sadly, are doing few or none of these things? Maybe not - I had a precancerous growth removed two years ago. None of us know what is awaiting us, but while I’m alive and kicking I want to be in the best shape I can.

So, instead of focusing on how you look, look at the whole picture.

Groups of men would stop speaking when I walked into the pub - I went to a work colleagues engagement drinks and he took me to one side and said if I would go out with him he would dump his fiancée! It’s quite fun being young and gorgeous but it can’t last!

I really relate to your post and all of your replies OP, but I am slightly younger than you.
I couldn’t walk down the street when I was younger without being told I was beautiful, it was even a joke among friends to start counting down the seconds in a club until a man approached me. Now I’m in my thirties and a completely invisible mum. I never get any compliments anymore and I have also had a few people misjudge my age as mid thirties when I was late twenties with a few kids.

I’m hoping once my children are older I can work on getting myself back somewhat with botox and a few cosmetic procedures, but I feel like the days of being noticeably pretty are behind me. My nose got bigger and my face has sagged slightly with age and I look constantly exhausted. Now I know why mother constantly goes on about how beautiful she was!

I certainly feel the most confident and sexy that I ever have, now I'm in my 40s, even though I obviously looked much fresher in my 20s. My husband always describes me as "hot", which is good enough for me!

Make peace with the fact that you’re getting older, OP. Try to be glad that you are still here and still having birthdays; some people are not so lucky!

I’m not sure I’ve ever been beautiful, but getting older is just life isn’t it? To be honest, it doesn’t bother me much. I moisturise and try to look after myself but nothing other than that. To be honest, I find being 40 plus quite liberating.