Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

“Telling tales?” Are you 5?

She reported what the creep said to her and anyone who wouldn’t do that is a bad friend. Yes the boyfriend then lied, and yes OP’s lost a friend - for now - but that doesn’t stop it being the right thing to do. I’d want to know if my partner was saying things like that. And so would most women.

Haha you’re funny

Op said ‘basically’ , I’m not saying she misinterpreted but I am always a bit skeptical when someone repeats info using that turn of phrase

Ah. Forensic insights here. 🙄

Or not. Why should the OP be there for her?

Fuck that! She has made her bed!

You are a great friend for telling her.

She is scared of losing her partner. So she binned you instead.

He will be more successful with other desperate women who love that kind of man because they think it’s flattering. He’s probably found it usually works a treat.

She will find out eventually. Or get an STD or something.

Meanwhile, hold your head high and keep moving forward. You did the right thing. We could all do with more friends like you! And also the type of women that put scummy men like this right back in their box.

When people say ‘he basically said’ I’m
always skeptical.

We don't need word for word.... You have all the information you need to understand what he said.

I know it probably stings a bit right now, but the comment he made to you was absolutely appalling and, quite frankly, a bit frightening. If he’s that bold to speak like that in company, imagine what he’s like behind her back? I think it’s better for you to stay out of it. She may come back, she may not. Losing friendships from events that are out of your control is sometimes part of life. You can always offer to keep the hand o friendship open, but may have to accept that this is a permanent end.

Its easier to cut you out than admit that her bloke is a creep and ditch him.

And he will have spun it that you were flirting with him etc

Well he's disgusting. You did the right thing...if he'd told you that you have beautiful eyes then that's a come on, but one you can shut down, and ignore, but his comment was awful.

Just respond in kind, because frankly you don't want to be around this man at all. Wish her well for the future, and let her know you're always here for her and leave it.

Don't you think it's pretty clear already?

Look if you don't think a friend deserves to know that their boyfriend is a creep, then I'm just glad I'm not your friend.

If you also wouldn't want to know if you were the partner in that scenario, then good luck to you.

He basically said that he wanted to hoist up my skirt and fuck me over the kitchen counter.

Can you say what he said word-for-word OP, not an interpretation? Just to give full context to the scenario.

Agreed 👆
I'd leave it and hopefully she'll reach out to you when it happens to another friend.

Could someone who thinks the OP should have kept quiet explain the positives of not telling the friend? Not the negatives of telling her - why it's actively a good thing not to tell her.

Telling tales?

Her good friend is dating an absolute creep and you think it’s telling tales? Don’t you think it would be disloyal not to tell her?

OP, she very much does not want to end her relationship and so she’s shot the messenger. You did the right thing and you’ve proven yourself to be a good friend. I hope this experience doesn’t make you keep quiet if it ever happens again. We all know that she’s going to regret it before you do and you can decide whether or not to give her another chance in the future. For now, I’d start thinking about how this is going to affect your other friendships; it sounds like group socialising isn’t going to be a thing in the future unless your mutual friends choose between you.

Well it was one off to the OP. If shed given him a bollicking and he apologized then then he may not have repeated it TO HER.

And where the hell am I " protecting" the mans feelings? Id have torn him off a strip myself , so hardly worrying about his feelings

Yes - I know. I’m on this thread and I’ve read what the Op has posted, but thanks for pointing that out.

The Op did the right thing in telling her friend about the incident in the kitchen.

The boyfriend is a sleaze and this is one major red flag Ops friend had just chosen to ignore.

Op is in the right, boyfriend needs to be dumped and I think friend has got it all wrong.

The trouble is in these situations ,he will probably have said you were coming on to him and he didnt know what to do! In future . Shut him down firmly as you did( Well done!) and just avoid him /them in future .Despite modern culture, its a truth that many women want a relationship .even though they suspect their DP is a flaky flirt who is downright unpleasant!

I don’t think I would have said anything

Just made sure you were never alone with him again.

I think there is a big difference between saying and doing
If he has a reputation of sleeping around then he will move on to some one else very soon and you could have been there to help your friend over the break up

It was never going to go any other way telling your friend something like this. She wasn’t going to bin him off over something only you heard and she couldn’t have you mixing with her dp ever again and the fact he had stated he fancied you no matter how crude was always going to come between you

Her so called friendship is no loss. Don’t let it upset you.

You seem to think that what he said constitutes a "drunken one off comment" that OP didn't need to tell his partner, her friend, about.

I am saying if you think a man who says something like that only says things like that as a total one off then you're deluded and need to raise your bar.

Why the rush to protect the man's feelings and relationship in this scenario? The OP and his partner are close friends, of course they should share this sort of information.