Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

This happened to me with my best friend - he tried it on with me whilst we were out one evening. I told her the next day, she immediately dropped me as a friend and that was the end of years of best friendship. They’re still together I hear rumours that he’s still an absolute dick and she’s miserable.

The whole situation really, really hurt at the time now I just feel sorry for her.

I wouldn’t have told her, but I’d have made sure I was only seeing her without him in future.

There a plenty of childless people on MN

So you think there’s something open to misinterpretation? Come off it, women know when a man’s trying it on.

Agree with the rest of this post but crikey I don’t know any women who would love that sort of attention from their friend’s dp! It was a highly inappropriate, disrespectful, crass, immature, suggestive thing to say and a betrayal of his partner.

So sorry you had this to deal with op! You’ve done nothing wrong! I would try and forget it for now and bide your time until your friend comes running back to you having decided her dp is a creep! At that point you can decide whether you want to be friends with her or not!

Agree with this.

Some of you are very, very bad friends frankly. This is her friend, who has been with this sleaze for 9 months. She done the right thing warning her friend.

I cannot believe that some people here are claiming you should have kept quiet! He deserves to be called out on his disgusting behaviour and your friend has the right to know how he is attempting to cheat on her with her friends. How humiliating for this to go on behind her back. You also have the right not to be forced to collude with him in keeping his nasty little secrets.

What a shame she can't see what is going on here. I understand why you're upset to lose her as a friend but I'd be confident that his behaviour will continue and she will eventually realise that's he's the problem, not you. Whether you take her back as a friend, if she sincerely apologises, is your choice. I agree with others here saying to tell another friend the truth about what he said.

She's been with the man for 9 months , he's not her husband .

She’s embarrassed that her husband is attracted to you and probably has insecurities about her own level of attractiveness.

She will stay with him of course and he will work his way through her friends and she will have a miserable life consumed with jealousy towards other women and believe they are the problem, not her creep of a husband.

Watch out that she isn’t now spreading rumours that you made the move on her husband.

Can you imagine if the sleazeball confesses two years down the line and blames the OP.

OP did the right thing and calling him out may change his behaviour - or he may move on to a quieter victim.

In my case it was my sister’s husband. She stood by him and passed it off as a joke (trying to grope my crotch when she was out of the room). I thought (wrongly) somehow I was to blame so I buried it.

Recently her husband was dismissed from his teaching job for gross misconduct and rumours of groping. Since the incident with me, his brother was jailed for abusing young boys and his father was arrested for attempted rape and molesting young girls. They treat the father like some sort of hero despite knowing about the molestation if not the attempted rape.

I agree with posters who advise OP to tell other friends the truth. My sister and her husband were creeping around people I know trying to give their version. It’s disgusting when they are out in public and don’t want confrontation. It has stopped now that everyone knows.

OP, your ‘friend’ may bin him and want to renew your friendship which would be a tough decision for you.

OP you definitely did the right thing(s) on all fronts.
I'm sorry your friend has dumped you. I wouldn't be surprised if she reappears after he does it again with someone else.

What context do you need? He was a sleazy perv no more context needed unless you think there's a situation where perving on your partners friends is ok

It was absolutely clear what was meant. Why are you trying to cast doubt?

Have to agree. OP was absolutely right to shut him down and absolutely right to tell her friend. I would be beyond devastated if I found out that I was with someone who talked to women like this.

OP, unfortunately your friend has put her DP before you and you are the one who has to go. She will realise her mistake when the next person he says it to, agrees to it, and she finds herself being cheated on.

I was ghosted by a childhood friend of over 40 years when she started a new relationship and it hurts. I fear that she is being controlled, but there is nothing I can do about it.

He has clearly lied to her and made it all your fault and she believes him, which tells you how little she values your friendship.

She might come running back when it ends, but it's up to you whether you ever accept her friendship again. She might be being controlled obviously, but some women do value their worth by being in a relationship.

It's clearly stated by the OP

I agree she knows she has to choose between her boyfriend and her friend and she has chosen her boyfriend.
I don’t think it’s a case of not believing the op, simply she wants to keep her boyfriend.
It is sad that women are socialised to accept this vile behaviour.
Op— you did the right thing. Tell your friends exactly what he did.
I would either block her or reply with a comment along the lines of ‘ Well that’s your choice, enjoy the rest of your life with your cheating shit of a boyfriend.’
Only you can decide if you want to be there for her when it all goes wrong.

And you are rude. Learn some manners

What was the comment Op

Well, I would have told her too. Not because i think she “deserved” to know - but because I’d have been annoyed at being spoken to like that in my friend’s house after making polite chit-chat with her boyfriend.

If you really want to maintain a relationship with your friend, can you not just say that you’re equally keen to avoid further contact with her boyfriend but youre happy for her and you to catch up for coffee/drinks, etc alone. And just agree to speak about other things and leave this incident in the past?

I think the issue is your friend will be embarrassed. But this charmer is going to offend other friends before long. I think if you just leave the offer on the table, she’ll come round. And if you meet, pretend like her DP doesnt exist.

Strange. Perhaps stop being strange.

It’s the only way it could have gone. Let it be. She’ll blame her husband later realising she lost a friend. She doesn’t trust him but her relationship is the most important thing to her so doesn’t want to sabatoge it. By being around you. The temptation.

God, you're pathetic. Raise your standards!

This.
Sucks to be her.

Painful for you. Close friendships ending is awful, take time to grieve. In a few months you might realise there have been things you've tolerated for the sake of your friendship which show her to be less than kind.