Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

I couldn't agree less.

For multiple reasons, I would be horrified if a friend didn't tell me about an incident like this.

She's going to run out of female friends pretty quickly.

This isn’t your fault. You did the right thing.

How sad for her that she’d rather have some icky man over a good friend, but she won’t be the first woman to do this nor the last.

I wasn't protecting him. I just would've dealt with the situation myself and torn him off a strip. OP has r actually said what she replied to the sleazeball anyway. Did she say nothing or did she give him an earful

Having a go at someone for bad behavior isn't protecting them.

Its hardly telling tales, surely women have a right to know that the man they are with makes sexual remarks to other women. Then they can decide if they want to be with a man like that. OP gave her friend a choice, or do you think women aren;t entitled to have choices about who they want to be with and should have bad behaviour hidden from them to protect and enable men ?

I imagine your friend will be back OP because he will do it and more again. Up to you whether you want to keep the door open for her.

Nope. His actions constitute sexual harassment:

‘Sexual harassment is unwanted conduct of a sexual nature that violates a person's dignity or creates a hostile environment. It can be verbal, physical, or non-verbal and includes actions like inappropriate comments or jokes, unwanted touching, suggestive gestures, or displaying explicit material. The behavior can range from offensive remarks to sexual assault and can happen in any social setting.

Verbal harassment
Sexual or suggestive comments, remarks about a person's body, clothing, or appearance
Telling sexual jokes or stories, or making sexually degrading comments
Spreading sexual rumors about someone
Asking intrusive questions about someone's sex life, fantasies, or history
Using sexualized nicknames like "honey" or "babe"

Key considerations
Unwanted: The behavior is not welcome and can make a person feel scared, humiliated, or intimidated.

Purpose or effect: It doesn't matter if the harasser intended to cause offense; if the conduct has that effect, it can still be sexual harassment.

Setting: It can happen anywhere, including the workplace, school, or online.

Forms: It can be a single incident or a series of actions over time’

Totally agree with this. I have been in a similar situation with a couple of my friends husbands (I’m not single). I felt like I should - or I wanted to tell them, like I owed my friends the truth but I know exactly what would happen. I felt so ashamed but I knew I’d be blamed for it. I told my DH about one incident but not the other. I keep my distance from both the husbands now. Selfishly I wanted to keep my friends and not blow up both friendship groups. I hate that I am protecting these horrible men’s secrets.

You didn’t do the wrong thing OP but this was inevitable. He is a horrible person and your friend is going to brush it under the carpet. You are better off without them both but I’m sorry if it messes up your friendship group. I would also confide in another friend in case lies start flying around.

That's absolutely fine if that's what's she's chasing to do, OP did the right thing and should not protect a cheating bastard just to remain friends whilst knowing the idiot is probably cheating on her.

And as many people have said her friend will most likely come running back at some point because guess what, the bastard will continue to cheat and be inappropriate and she will continue to stick her head in the sand until she can't anymore and hopefully she will do the right thing and end the relationship.

Again raise your standards and stop protecting cheating sleazeballs.

She’ll realise she’s made a bad mistake soon enough.

Messengers are often shot in this kind of scenario unfortunately. You did the right thing though OP.

A drunken one off comment about how he wanted to " hoist up my skirt and fuck me over the kitchen counter."

😆 You have very low standards and boundaries 😂

I would want to know if my partner was such a fucking sleazeball

Fucking hell. He's a predator, not just a pest. You have absolutely done the right thing to tell her.

Personally I'd be glad she cut me off as I wouldn't want to be in a room with him again.

I’m not saying you were wrong to tell her, but I don’t understand how you are surprised by her reaction. There were only two possible outcomes:

1. she breaks up with her partner. But understandable that she might need a bit more time or evidence to come to terms with the fact that her bf is a pervert. Especially as he will have spun her a yarn about how it was ‘all a misunderstanding’ or whatever.
2. she stays with her partner (for the time being at least) and ends the friendship with you, because of course it would be far too awkward to maintain social contact.

What "tales" did she tell????

What a weird perspective, classic blame the victim to protect a cheating disgusting bastard.

She did the right thing to tell her friend and it's up to her to do the right thing and end her relationship or stick her head in the sand and end the friendship, unfortunately I see her running back in a year or 2 complaining about how he cheats on her.

If OP didn't tell her and it came out she would accuse OP of trying to steal her man.

You thought you would tell her and it wouldn't affect your friendship.

@Abbeyshome Im sorry your (ex) friend has behaved like this. Unfortunately people dont always behave inthe way we expect but you now know where you fit in her life so remember that when it all goes wrong.

Is this part of a wider / mutual group, as in is it likely you will see her / him again at other gatherings? Have you told anyone else what happened?
It might sound petty but i would get the word out if that is the case. Just to a few people because if she does it to you and tells everyone you came on to her DP you may find yourself ostracised.

She's being an ostrich and probably embarrassed but refuses to see what's infront of her with her relationship.

If you wish you can send a response saying sorry you feel that way I thought it best to be open and honest. Door is open if you want it.

But otherwise would leave it there.

Why not tell her?

She’s right though

You're a good friend OP. If her partner can’t even be trusted around her friends then this relationship won’t last, either that or she will stay, cut herself off from everyone, get stuck with a child and then realise what a scumbag he is but by then it will be too late…

Why on earth did you tell her?
Are you surprised now she dosent want to see you?
You dealt with it, crazy to tell her.

I'd wish her well and tell her that you will be just the first of many if he already has form and that she's removing the wrong person from her life.

You did the right thing OP, how disgusting of him

He basically said that he wanted to hoist up my skirt and fuck me over the kitchen counter. 😮

You did the right thing. You won't be the first or last woman he tries this with.

She shot the messenger.

I'd leave it for now. She needs to accept the reality of it and hopefully in time she will get in touch and apologise.

undoubtedly this is how he's spun it