Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

You did the right thing by being honest. He sounds like a creep. However, there is a saying : No good deed goes unpunished. She obviously felt she had to make the choice between you and him. In her mind she could not trust either of you so decided to shut you down. A foolish and cruel thing to do, but it is what people do, especially nowadays. Down the line, he will only do it again to someone else and the outcome may be more permanent. She will need to live with that and, perhaps, what you pointed out to her, will come to haunt her. Ask yourself if you really want a friend who treats you like that? Hard as it may seem, you will look back in a month, week, year, or even decade and know that you did what was right by you. Please find some more worthy friends who deserve your honesty. They are there and now that she has removed herself, she has made room for someone else more trusting.

Seems legit

On balance I don't think you shouldhave told her. After all you dealt with the situation firmly and shut it down. Now you have lost the friendship. But more fool her.

@Abbeyshome , I'm your friend, well ex-friend, and what really happened was you were in the kitchen with my wonderful partner, and because you were drunk, desperate for a man to provide for you and your DC, and a maneater, you made a pass at him.
Having had your advances rejected by my wonderful DP, you then made up a pack of lies about him, out of jealousy and spite. Just can't handle it can you.

See, I know what really happened. Bye-ee!

I see you edited out the rest of my post. 🙄

I’m sure there are plenty of men and women who are receptive to this kind of approach. Both sexes.

There are many people out there with very low self esteem or get a thrill from this.

In this particular case it’s a heterosexual man. So he will pursue hetero women.

there is nothing misogynistic in saying he will get lucky sometimes. Some people love this approach and are receptive.

Of course not.

This is what happened to the OP. It's not what posters who disagree with your comment about 'running and telling tales' would do.

You did the right thing OP. What a creepy. I would not be as forgiving of her as some on here.

He will be more successful with other desperate women who love that kind of man because they think it’s flattering. He’s probably found it usually works a treat.

Wow is that what your usual misogynistic victim blaming / abuser celebrating approach to life.

How about he gets a kick out of targeting and shocking women and then as the predator he is progresses from the sexual harassment here to sexual assault of vulnerable women wrongfooted and in shock.

The OP was fortunate IMHO that she was had enough presence of mind and was assertive enough to intervene in time for this sexual harassment not to progress to sexual assault.

That was really really gross and offensive, and shows you who he is.

By telling your friend, you were warning her. But it's easier for her to dump you, than dump him. It's tough, but you did the right thing.

I'm really sorry you had such a flaky friend - she's really not worth you time or care, if she stays with a man who says that to you. Give it time, and she'll need you as a shoulder to cry on, when his infidelities are obvious. At that point, you could send her the same message.

Please don't let comments like this make you feel like you have done something wrong, you haven't. Most decent people would tell their friends. Imagine your boyfriend making sexual advances towards your friend and your friend not telling you. You telling her isn't making a drama or 'telling tales', it is being a good friend and looking out for her by letting her know he isn't trustworthy and she is likely to be hurt by him. He will inevitably cheat on her but she has to find out for herself what he is like.

Welcome to the world of the single female.
It's not you.

A friend and I, both single, don't get included in events and gatherings (unless graft is needed) because we are single.
Both of us are happily single, not looking for a partner or relationship, but are viewed as not safe to be in the company of husbands because we are likely to tempt them to stray.

Her being encouraged to isolate from friends is a red flag though. He's almost certainly gaslit her.

I think I'd be really cross with her (and still with him) ... but ultimately you gain nothing by saying anything back to her. Apart from knowing you'll be able to say "I told you so".

She might come back to you in search of your friendship in the future.. but she may not. She might live happily ever after with him.

She’s reacted like this because she’s burying her head in the sand. She quite clearly knows this is an awful inappropriate comment for him to make and it’s easier for her to block it all out (which also means blocking you out)

If you haven’t already replied to her I would just message and say what you’re sad she feels that way and you really value your friendship and if and when she decides she’s like to get back in touch your door will be open.

We’ve all been there with friends who are in relationships that aren’t healthy and when a mirror is held up to it they can often lash out and take out their feelings on the person bringing up the issues rather than actually face what’s going on.

The PP on this thread who wouldn’t tell their ‘friends’ are not friends at all!

The OP has been a decent person by telling her ‘friend’. Her ‘friend’ is a dickhead for treating her the way she has. The ‘friend’ is the crazy one!

Reply to your friend saying you’re hurt but understand and you will still be here for her when she realises her bf is a creep/escapes his clutches.

@Abbeyshome I think you did the right thing. If it were me, I’d message back and say something like ‘I’m sorry you feel that way but I understand it is hard to hear something like this. Just for the record, I did not encourage him nor start the conversation, which went like this (then detail what was said by whom). I hope you’ll feel different about things in future but I wish you all the best anyway’ but obviously you may feel differently.

I hope she reflects and realises he may be a snake (if he did twist things) or just be processing things and feeling awkward.

If she wants to believe him and be cruel to you let her.

Years ago a close friend's husband was utterly vile to me and I was upset by it. She refused to believe he said anything even though others knew and he had form. So I knew my place and I withdrew.

Haven’t RTFT but how short sighted of her.
sadly you are the messenger and you got shot but that doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing!!

At first, she said she was thankful and said she was sorry I had to experience that.

Hang on to this. This is your real friend.

The follow up message was a result of coercion and threats by a highly manipulative and abusive partner (he has to be well skilled in these gas-lighting tactics to be someone with a reputation for sleeping around) - he is also employing the other abusive tactic of isolating her from her friend(s).

Have compassion for the deep shit she is currently in and be proud that you took the opportunity to communicate a transgression. Currently she has rejected this but it will stand prominently alongside all of the other red flags she is currently ignoring or has been gaslit / coerced to dismiss.

Don’t take this personally. Feel sad for your friend and don’t fall in to the trap of arguing with her (that’s what he wants to happen).

It will all come out in the wash but be vigilant with your wider circle so that you are not excluded.

Would you then dump your friend if she did?

Your 'friend' is a total mug. Let her get on with it. She's chose this fool over a real honest friend. Wait until he cheats on her then she'll come running back.

He’s a cheater, she knows he’s a cheater and now she also knows he has the hots for you so she doesn’t trust him around you and is too embarrassed to own up to the fact her partner isn’t trustworthy so it’s easier to blame you.

I’d say you dodged two bullets.

Id be inclined to text back "I don't think you can have your DP around any woman I'm afraid Susan. A shame you're throwing this friendship away, but good luck. Unfortunately I think you're going to need it".