Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

She’s in denial. Thinks if she can keep her boyfriend away from women then he won’t cheat on her or something. I’d reply something like your saddened by her decision, but you’ll be there for her in the future if she needs you (if you want to that is!!)

Ah, classic shoot the messenger, as old as time. You did the right thing OP, if I were your friend I would want to know my fella was an utter creep. To be honest, if she can so easily give up on a friendship, it was a friendship not worth having. Am so sorry that her fella put you in this situation, flipping men these days, getting worse.

I've been in your shoes, twice and one friend was a bit weird with me for a while, the other very thankful to actually know what's going on and dumped his ass. Am old now so nothing every like that going to happen but I would do it again if in the same situation.

I would want to know I was with a creep,he'd be gone! you spoke the truth, he's vile. All her friends will drop out of her life like dominoes, imagine living a life where your eyes are on stalks watching your OH interaction with all females. I'm not as forgiving, shed be blocked permanently

Are u ok? Seriously? Get help!

Op, its not your fault this guy said what he said. And u did the right thing telling her. At the end of the day, you speak up you're told your wrong, you dont speak up they say 'why didnt you tell me' u literally can't win in this situation, they always blame the woman. If I was you, id be looking at the mirror and being proud for doing everything right. If she wants to be stupid, leave her to it.

I'm reading that message as: " my DP has admitted he fancied you and for my own sanity I need to take temptation away", it says that she cannot have her DP around you, not the other way round. For me, that implies that she knows it's her DP the one lusting over OP. He could have said he never thought of her like that but with a drink, he slipped. Or that he dreamt about her and now couldn't take that image out of his mind. Or whatever other BS of unintentional fantasy that he cannot now unsee/unthink. Prompting OP's friend to put distance to avoid him having that on his mind... And also avoiding them both talking and OP convincing her he's a disgusting tw*t.

I agree with this. It's possible that this was just a one-off sleazy comment but this sort of behaviour (and friend's reaction to it) is straight out of the Narcissist Arsehole playbook. It's quite possible that he's done this on purpose to cause problems in your friendship and 'test' friend. Her original reaction will be the true one. Since then, he's probably told her some variation of 'it was just a joke and she overreacted/she started it/I didn't say that/she came on to me' then focussed on 'why did you believe her over me?/ I thought you loved me but you don't trust me/ friend is jealous/ I'm so hurt/ I need to think about whether I can forgive you for taking her side' etc. If he is a narcissist, he's probably already started chipping away at her self confidence and making her feel that she's lucky he puts up with her so she'll be primed to feel she needs to keep him whatever the cost.
Unfortunately, if this is the game he's playing nothing you could have done would have changed it. If you didn't tell friend, he'd probably have kept doing similar until you did say something and/or got so uncomfortable around him that it was obvious that there was a problem. He may have even told her himself and claimed he did it to test your loyalty to her, as he suspected you were after him, and the fact that you said nothing means he was right that she can't trust you.
I think the best thing you can do is tell your friend that you are sorry she doesn't feel able to see you right now, but you still care about her and will be there for her if she needs you. I feel pretty certain that at some point she will see all the red flags waving and really need to know there's a friend out there that she hasn't burned her bridges with.

There's obviously something about you that makes him feel threatened, which I would count as a strength.

People always blame the messenger ..always always .
And she has

And once again, theee are people of both sexes who are receptive. Of course there are. To say all women would of course be misogynistic but I didn’t say all.

She’ll want to believe his ‘story’ of what happened - you did the right thing, don’t beat yourself up!

Some of you womans comments on here..just eww. No wonder men get away with so much shit and will always get away with shit!

I understand.
It’s ridiculous because I think if you have the temperament to cheat you’ll find a way.
Limiting your social circle makes no difference.

Unless you haven’t read the whole thread then I’m quite shocked at the amount of comments blaming you for telling your friend. That comment her DP made is disgusting. I’d kick my DH to the kerb if he said that to one of my mates.

You didn’t do anything wrong and in my eyes did the right thing.

The truth: Your friend has sided with her DP because she would rather lose you than her partner. She’s one of them deluded girlfriends that can’t possibly leave her dirty boyfriend and would rather blame/lose you, the single pretty female that her boyfriend ogled.

I would definitely be telling my friend how hurt I am after x many years friendship but ultimately would walk away from her.

She will be running back one day when he cheats on her, mark my words.

I got ditched by my best mate for telling her that her boyfriend was on tinder messaging another one of my mates. She originally thanked me, then blocked me for “trying to ruin her relationship”

@Notonthestairs , I'm posting a bit tongue-in-cheek, but we both agree that it must be that.
If you are a single woman, you tend to get dropped, only invited along if a favour is needed, or to make up the number.
If we were single men, we'd be included.

None of the men look predatory, but I am aware of the 'damsel in distress' factor.
I can certainly think of scenarios where an attached man has made a move on a newly single friend.

A lot of the men are trustworthy, and I am old enough and wise enough to know where boundaries are.

It's not the friends, it's society. It happens to widows. You have a group of friends then John & Jane suddenly becomes just John or just Jane. John would still be included but Jane faded out.

You were damned if you told and damned if you didn't. If you hadn't told your friend, and it had come out further down the line, she'd have been angry with you for not telling her. You have told her, and like most messengers, you've been blamed. I don't doubt for one moment that your friend's partner spun her a line, and has blamed the entire situation onto you. She now doesn't trust you around her partner, so instead of thinking logically about all the years of friendship, and if this behaviour would be out of character, she's taken her partner's side. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about the friendship loss, other than accepting her wishes. If this man is a known 'player', then yes, it will happen again, and likely he will go on to cheat (if he hasn't already). His comment to you, was probably a combination of alcohol and testing your boundaries. I wouldn't reply to her message. I certainly wouldn't go back and try to defend myself. She's made up her mind, and she'll have to deal with the consequences further down the line, when inevitably the relationship goes pear-shaped.

No I didn’t edit out the rest of your post - I quoted the whole post but highlighted the specific paragraph which I found offensive and misogynistic in order to illustrate how these sexual predators work.

Had this recently too but it was racially charged. Friend dropped me as I challenged it later. Annoyed at the time but realise it really is their issue and not mine

Her problem isn't with you, it's with him. Her way of dealing with it is to keep the two of you apart. She's making a mistake but she won't know that until she looks back and sees it in hindsight. It feels like your friendship meant nothing but the alternative is that her marriage meant nothing, which is a harder pill for her to swallow.

You've handled the situation very well.

Simply put, It’s a lot easier to blame you than him, and he has no doubt been framing his account of what happened encouraging her to do just that.
you’ve tried to be a good friend , blaming you is her choice.
When the exact same thing happened to me, I cut contact because I decided I didn’t want to see her again after she minimized what had happened.

She’ll learn sooner or later that you were telling the truth (which she may already suspect) but he’s doubtless spun it that you were flirting with him, he rejected you and this is your revenge. Or something along those lines. She can’t be that much of a close friend if she’s chosen a 9 month relationship with a known womanizer over you. I think you did the right thing to tell her. I’d respond that you’re sorry to be losing her as a friend and reiterate that you did absolutely nothing wrong; and that should she ever want to get back in touch, you’d be glad to hear from her. (Assuming that’s the case). Do you know if he’s made a move on any of your mutual friends; it’s probably only a matter of time.

Unfortunately you are just going to have to deal with it and your friend will learn the hard way that her B/F is a POS. She's not a good friend to you anyway if she's willing to punish you and throw away your friendship for something her b/f did to you

Yes, you need much better friends.

Both of us are happily single, not looking for a partner or relationship, but are viewed as not safe to be in the company of husbands because we are likely to tempt them to stray

Blimey. In the nicest possible way, you need better friends, and your friends need better partners!

Lol.

Wow. Nine month relationship, he has a reputation as a cheater, and he came on strongly to one of her friends. This ex friend of yours has a life time of misery coming her way if she sticks with this prince. She wasn't a true friend OP, and I'll bet she comes to rue the day she chose this man over her friend.