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AIBU?

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Original poster

Today is my birthday…

32 replies

BlueOrange99 · 03/11/2025 23:08

I am a FTM to a 4w old DS, so didn’t expect to go partying or do much for this year anyway.

For context, I did the 5:30am feed, expressed and didn’t get to back to sleep until about 6:30am. I was hoping to have a birthday lie in, but was up at 9am again as DH didn’t set an alarm for his turn to do the feed.

I then asked DH for a bagel for breakfast, but that’s as eventful as my morning was. I also suggested we go for a walk, but again, it was me initiating. Nothing was done FOR me.

All now, I haven’t received any gifts, or a card, or any sentiments. Nothing. But he hasn’t forgotten, and did wish me a happy birthday as the clock struck 00:00.

I’m not usually one to expect things and certainly wasn’t expecting much this year. Maybe I am being hormonal, but I just feel there was no effort from DH to even make today feel at all special - my first birthday as a mummy! It would have been nice to have had SOMETHING. Literally a Cadbury’s chocolate bar and a card would have made me happy.

When I told him how I felt, he said he didn’t consider a card as he’s “not creative”, and that what he ordered for me hadn’t arrived in time. I had no knowledge that he ordered me something, and asked him why he didn’t mention it. He replied “because it wouldn’t have made it any better”. He is now moping about, saying he knows he’s ruined my birthday, as if I’m supposed to feel sorry for him.

What makes this worse is we are both gift givers, and pride ourselves in celebrating each other’s special days, so for him to do nothing is highly unusual. I know we have a 4w old, but is that an excuse?

AIBU to have wanted/expected a little more from DH on my birthday? Should I cut him some slack?

OP posts:
ThePerfectTimeToPanic · 03/11/2025 23:47

It’s normal to acknowledge/celebrate your loved ones birthdays unless the person has asked not to. You don’t have to be ‘creative’ to get a card and buy something you think the other person will appreciate, so he’s full of shit saying he’s not creative.

Tomorrow, I would have a conversation where you lay out very clearly your expectations for coming birthdays/Xmas/Mother’s Day etc. You shouldn’t have to, but if you’re going to spend your life with this man, have the conversation so this doesn’t happen again. Be explicit and make him aware that you don’t ever expect to have to speak about it again. Don’t be one of the many women on here who is sad and pissed every year because their partner didn’t bother to make an effort.

Happy Birthday!

JetFlight · 03/11/2025 23:43

Happy birthday!

did you tell dh that even if a gift hadn’t arrived (? Be more flipping organised dh!) he could have made you feel cared for in other ways? given you a birthday hug and made some breakfast, popped out and bought a cake and flowers and ordered a takeaway or cooked dinner, even run you a bath and tell you to take time for yourself. Whatever.

Tell him this. And tell him that you don’t want to feel uncared for around any special occasions and that includes Mother’s Day, just like you wouldn’t want him to feel uncared for.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/11/2025 23:36

Happy birthday!

I’m sorry to hear this OP. That’s so rubbish. And it can feel so hurtful especially when you have a new baby. No excuse for your DH not doing anything to make you feel special and loved.

If it helps today is my birthday too.

It was somewhat spoiled by my Mum having a go at me this morning by message because she had got my email address wrong.

But the thing that was lovely about my birthday was how lovely my kids made it for me. My 17 yo in particular made such an effort little with gifts that she could afford and keeping back the presents from others in the family to give to me this evening (when we were doing presents).

So my 17 yo who was once the reason why I didn’t get a lie in on any birthdays in the past, or any time to relax etc, was the cause of the birthday loveliness.

I divorced the former H who never made my birthdays feel special.

stitchy · 03/11/2025 23:30

Happy Birthday!

It's my dh's birthday today as well and I have been run off my feet at work for the last 10 days (4am finish one night and back at 8am) and feel bad it was a bit of a non-event for him - although I did still manage to get him a couple of gifts from me and the kids and a cards to open this morning plus breakfast and a promise to take him out next weekend when life gets back to normal.
Not even a 'Mummy' birthday card for your first one is super shit. I'm so sorry, he needs to up his game so very much as you deserve 100x more.
Being thoughtless is a cover for 'takes for granted' and 'not creative' = 'can't be arsed'

Yoyokitten · 03/11/2025 23:16

Congratulations on your beautiful baby son, and Happy Birthday.
You are not being unreasonable at all.
I would feel sad too about it.
He doesn't have an excuse.
Sometimes men can be thoughtless.
🎉🥳💐🎂

Gottocopebymyself · 03/11/2025 23:15

Happy Birthday OP.

I think that's pretty poor behaviour by your H.

He could have got you a card. He could have told you your present was on it's way. He could have set his alarm. He could have made you breakfast. And made a bit of a fuss of you.
But he doesn't seem to have done any of that.
I'm really sorry he has been so thoughtless and lacking in consideration.

DuckboardandTowel · 03/11/2025 23:15

Happy Birthday!
I hate when us women explain perfectly valid emotions and then say "I could be being hormonal", you aren't and you're feelings are valid.
Your birthday does sound a bit flat. I think I could get over it if it was a one off from my partner but if its a pattern it would be a different story.
Id express how I felt and then move on but yanbu for expecting more today.