Today is my birthday…

He’s not a great dad though, he forgot to set the alarm, so didn’t do the feed!! That’s a shit dad. BS did he order you a gift, and BS he’s an uncreative fuckwit (well fuckwit is true). And then he has the audacity to take the hump with you. On the plus side you now know what to expect for the rest of your marriage, so either accept he’s a belligerent orifice, or get those quackers 🦆 in a row and make an exit plan.
Many congratulations on your new baby, and happy birthday for yesterday .

This. I'd be hopping hopping mad.
You told him and he still didn't rush out and do anything.
Lazy selfish man.

Happy Birthday OP.

Get your phone out now and order yourself a lovely bunch of flowers... A nice takeaway and a birthday cake from where ever suits you.. Get all the deliveries coming in and enjoy them. Don't mention a word about it in advance either... just let the deliveries keep coming under his nose ... set up the candles.. blow them out and then cheerfully offer him a piece of cake, having paid for it on the joint card of course! Humming Bird Bakery do Very big birthday cakes.

You have a birthday , even if he isn't willing to give you one. Sulky git.

I just love the DARVO

How somehow youre at fault now for MAKING HIME FEEL BAD! How rotten off you, you must immediately do something to rectify this situation IMMEDIATELY!

manbaby with the emotional intelligence and self awareness of a slug.

Did he actually order anything?

Just do the same for his birthday, order something to arrive late, say happy birthday after midnight the night before and nothing special on the day he can just do his usual day.

Then have a discussion on how it's going to be for both of you going forward.

If you make his first birthday as a dad super special then you are the fool. He will only understand how you feel if he gets the same treatment.

I would also discuss how you are both going to go about christmas, as it might be the same thing, you get all night garage flowers and he gets a heap of thoughtful pretty wrapped gifts.

Either way is fine, me and H barely acknowledge our birthdays, neither of us care, but the kids do so we get a present from the kids for the other one, have a takeaway and cake. Some we know have endless streams of meals out, cocktails, presents, oh the list is endless. So either way is ok. But uneven levels is the issue.

I am so sick of men like this. It's not hard to make an effort.

Ask him why he’s moping around and turned this on himself instead of acting like an adult, facing up to his error and trying to rectify it? How self pitying.
Honestly, all that energy placed in his own pity redirected into action in making up for this would have resulted in a much, much better situation for all of you.
Make this clear to him.

Agree. Cards are sold in every supermarket now! There was no need to make one. And if my gift for a partner hadn't arrived I would buy some chocolate or similar in the meantime. Has he been good about your birthday in the past?

I suggest you tell him you'd like a do over and to have the same day next week as your substitute birthday. It doesn't have to be fireworks, just a nice day with a bit of effort.

Down load the Costa app. You get a free cake your birthday week. Take yourself and ds out. And make the same effort for his birthday... Twat.

You could get shown what he's ordered, (when it was ordered) if it's thoughtful and just a bit late you will get over yourself quicker. Or, if he hasn't and said it cause he's not thought about getting you anything at all, or just ordered today it can be a good visual of what he's saying versus what he's doing. Iv been in your position and just swallowed that my birthday isn't that big of a deal somehow, till one year I made it very clear I wasn't happy, asked why I didn't get a cake? Any discussion about what I would like to happen etc, what made me different from others? Also it's not petty to match someone's energy, if you get nothing neither do they, don't go mad for someone's birthday or Christmas/father's day if you don't get anything, it's not about money, it's about showing you care. "Creative"" isn't buying cards, creative is making them, he should learn that today, for future reference

Happy birthday for yesterday OP. It’s an excellent date.

My DS was 3 weeks on my birthday. It was 12 years ago but I’m sure I’d remember if DH had been useless.

I think he is jealous of the new DC.
He has behaved purposefully badly today as a punishment.
This is not a good start to Parenthood.
Not quite sure how you should approach this.
He is deflecting to you. Good Luck when you chat with him.

You are not overreacting, and it does seem your husband has been both unorganised and thoughtless. New dads sometimes get baby brain too...but no excuses, he had better get his act together quickly.

If he is normally more thoughtful, put it down to a blip...most partners have them from time to time, I bet most women have experienced similar.

Give your baby a cuddle, count your blessings, and from me to you BlueOrange99 I hope you have a lovely birthday in spite of hubbies thoughtlessness.

He could have taken the baby out for a walk, let you have an hour to yourself and while he was out buy you a bunch of flowers, bag of sweets or get something nice for dinner. He had plenty of opportunities to do something even if his main gift hadn’t shown up on time

No excuse at all and hormones or not it would definitely make me look at him differently considering what you have went through to give birth to his child a few weeks ago

Have you had any birthday wishes from anyone else?

Happy birthday!

And he has been selfish and lazy. Not good enough.

4wks pp is SUCH a hard time.

Take the baby and yourself (or just yourself if you can) and go somewhere DECENT and delicious for lunch... bring a book or play on your phone or just enjoy it.

Explain clearly he needs to get a fucking good cake and some kind of card before dinner tonight amd needs to set his alarm and feed the baby while creeping arpund like a mouse so you can lie in tomorrow.

Separately get yourself some earplugs. They have saved my sanity as i have a clompy dh and a 3 and 1 yr old

Good luck and happy birthday

When I told him how I felt, he said he didn’t consider a card as he’s “not creative” Is he confused? Does he think you were expecting him to get the crayons out and draw you a card? They sell them in every supermarket, corner shop and town centre. Even petrol stations. It isn’t as though he’d have to venture onto Etsy. And since when are birthday cards considered creative? Hasn’t he received one every year since he was born?

and that what he ordered for me hadn’t arrived in time. This old chestnut. The excuse of the crap (or non existent) gift giver. Ask him to show you the order confirmation. Or the on line banking charge. And I bet he squirms.

I had no knowledge that he ordered me something, and asked him why he didn’t mention it. He replied “because it wouldn’t have made it any better” What would have made it better is him telling you yesterday that there was a gift on its way but that he was worried because it hadn’t arrived yet. Assuming that he did actually order one, of course. Again, ask him to show you the order confirmation email.

He is now moping about, saying he knows he’s ruined my birthday, as if I’m supposed to feel sorry for him ‘Yes DH, you have ensured it has got off to a thoroughly shit start. So you can either pull your finger out, make me a lovely lunch and ensure the rest of the day is a bit better, or you can carry on sulking, make my birthday all about you, make it so I don’t even want to be in the same room as you and ensure that the rest of it is shit as well’

I would find it extremely hard to move past this. You have a very young baby and your husband has witnessed you grow and birth a child and all the struggles that come with it. If anything this birthday should be more special than others.

I’m really sorry this happened to you. You need to have a clear and direct conversation about how you feel and what you expect from him as a partner and father.

He should have got you a card and a card with Mummy on from your DS. I think I would have cried if my DH had been this thoughtless when my baby was tiny. He knows you are not getting much sleep and he could have given you a lie in, bought you flowers and cards and took you to lunch. 💐Tell him to try harder.

Happy birthday to you!

When you say that you feel he hasn’t made an effort that’s not your feelings. It’s factual. It’s horrible and unkind. And having a newborn baby as well that makes it even worse that’s he’s behaved like this. And as previous poster said- don’t question yourself by suggesting it’s your v hormones and you not thinking straight. You deserve much more. I hope you can treat yourself to something nice and have a special day if not today then tomorrow.

I hope you can enjoy your birthday all week long!