Page 4 | To think that good managers don’t ask colleagues to “look in my diary and book something?”

ThisArtfulRobin · 2025-11-03T21:28:48+00:00

I’ve had a few managers over the years who constantly say, “just look in my diary and book something,” instead of proposing a time or taking initiative. It feels like a small thing but in my experience, the best managers take more responsibility for their own time and don’t push the admin onto others, especially when they’re the ones asking for a meeting! AIBU to think this is just laziness and a lack of basic leadership skills? Or is it actually standard practice now?

InfoSecInTheCity · 03/11/2025 22:30

I do it all the time, people will be having a conversation with me about something else completely, something that I have allocated time for, planned for, prepped for, bought together the correct stakeholders and they try to shoehorn in their issue or foist it off on me by mentioning it in passing and expecting me to jump on it. Nope. I tell them to book something in my diary if they want to discuss that and to ensure they bring the right people into the conversation.

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:27

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:21

"I don't mind ThisArtfulRobin, what would you prefer?"

"I'd prefer you to suggest something"

"OK what about Tuesday afternoon"

"No I can't do Tuesday. What about Friday morning"

"I'm afraid I have a meeting then already. Why don't you check my diary and find a time which suits you and get back to work"

You sound like a bit of a faffer to be honest. I am super busy at work and booking my own meetings, let alone gently exploring with everyone I meet how they would prefer to go about the process of booking those meetings, isn't something I have time for 💁

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I’m not suggesting a ten min consultation about diary etiquette, just a quick bit of initiative when you’re the one requesting someone’s time. In busy environments, small courtesies often save more time than they take.

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Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:25

ForZanyAquaViewer · 03/11/2025 22:20

85% of us think YABU. That’s pretty definitive, OP. So, your idea of what a good manager is or does is clearly not the generally accepted view.

That’s what AIBU’s for. I still think how people handle small things like time management says a lot about their leadership style but I get that others see it differently.

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wateraddict · 03/11/2025 22:22

You are not getting much understanding here OP, but I agree with you. My boss puts meetings in when they want to discuss our project and I book them in return when I want to. It takes no time at all and if someone is particularly senior, then they usually have PA support for that. I prefer a flatter hierarchy and fully expect to leave a requested meeting with actions. It’s just nice when there’s a little give and take in a relationship I find!

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:21

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:18

I get that some people prefer having control over their diary. I think my gripe is more with the blanket habit of passing it back automatically, rather than reading the situation. A quick “would you prefer I suggest something or do you want to pick?” covers both styles.

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"I don't mind ThisArtfulRobin, what would you prefer?"

"I'd prefer you to suggest something"

"OK what about Tuesday afternoon"

"No I can't do Tuesday. What about Friday morning"

"I'm afraid I have a meeting then already. Why don't you check my diary and find a time which suits you and get back to work"

You sound like a bit of a faffer to be honest. I am super busy at work and booking my own meetings, let alone gently exploring with everyone I meet how they would prefer to go about the process of booking those meetings, isn't something I have time for 💁

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:21

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:15

What if Tuesday afternoon doesn't work for you.

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Then you say so but that’s still faster than dumping it back with no context. One quick exchange is efficient, endless delegation loops aren’t.

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ForZanyAquaViewer · 03/11/2025 22:20

85% of us think YABU. That’s pretty definitive, OP. So, your idea of what a good manager is or does is clearly not the generally accepted view.

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:18

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/11/2025 22:13

Well no because then I’d need to go back and say they don’t work for me, and I’d end up looking at their calendar and sorting it myself anyway. I know my work pattern and my work plan best, I’d much rather organise my own diary including meetings with my boss.

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I get that some people prefer having control over their diary. I think my gripe is more with the blanket habit of passing it back automatically, rather than reading the situation. A quick “would you prefer I suggest something or do you want to pick?” covers both styles.

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NetZeroZealot · 03/11/2025 22:18

Perfectly normal where I work.

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:15

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:14

That kind of back and forth only happens when no one takes ownership upfront. A quick “does Tuesday afternoon work for you?” saves twenty minutes of ping pong. It’s not about hierarchy, just basic efficiency and clarity.

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What if Tuesday afternoon doesn't work for you.

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:14

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:08

Yeah and then you say "oh none of them work for me can we do X or Y time instead" then manager says no I'm off on X day and Y time I'm meeting with Ken. Before you know it you've wasted twenty minutes.

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That kind of back and forth only happens when no one takes ownership upfront. A quick “does Tuesday afternoon work for you?” saves twenty minutes of ping pong. It’s not about hierarchy, just basic efficiency and clarity.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 03/11/2025 22:13

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 21:58

That would be fair if they actually said “here are a few options, choose what works best for you.” But in my experience, it’s more of a blanket hand-off with no context or initiative. Respect for time goes both ways and good communication usually lands better than assumptions.

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Well no because then I’d need to go back and say they don’t work for me, and I’d end up looking at their calendar and sorting it myself anyway. I know my work pattern and my work plan best, I’d much rather organise my own diary including meetings with my boss.

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:13

Bonsaibaby · 03/11/2025 22:07

It’s quicker for you to find a slot that suits you than toing and froing, you get to choose when you want, I really don’t understand the problem. Would you rather the manager just set up a meeting in your diary?

If they’re the one asking to meet, then yes, ideally, they’d suggest a time or two first. I don’t mind collaboration but it’s not really about efficiency here, it’s about accountability. When you’re the one requesting something, it’s reasonable to own that bit of admin rather than hand it off.

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InterestedDad37 · 03/11/2025 22:10

It gives the impression that they don't really care when it is, and won't give any thought to it/prepare for it until the second you walk into their office.

FettleOfKish · 03/11/2025 22:10

Meh. My Manager often leaves it to me to book meetings, because without fail if he does it he’ll book it for a Tuesday, which is my day off (and has been for the last 8 months).

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:08

CrinaCara · 03/11/2025 21:48

That's a misunderstanding of being a manager

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It's obviously not their only job lol

FrodoBiggins · 03/11/2025 22:08

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 21:58

That would be fair if they actually said “here are a few options, choose what works best for you.” But in my experience, it’s more of a blanket hand-off with no context or initiative. Respect for time goes both ways and good communication usually lands better than assumptions.

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Yeah and then you say "oh none of them work for me can we do X or Y time instead" then manager says no I'm off on X day and Y time I'm meeting with Ken. Before you know it you've wasted twenty minutes.

Bonsaibaby · 03/11/2025 22:07

It’s quicker for you to find a slot that suits you than toing and froing, you get to choose when you want, I really don’t understand the problem. Would you rather the manager just set up a meeting in your diary?

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 22:04

Greggsit · 03/11/2025 21:58

And he's respecting your time by allowing you to choose the best time for you. The vast majority of respondents think of it this way. Very few see it as negatively as you do.

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I can see how some people might view it that way. I just think there’s a difference between offering flexibility and shifting responsibility. If someone initiates a meeting, the courteous thing is usually to propose a few times first. It’s a small thing but patterns like that often show how they people see their role.

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firstofallimadelight · 03/11/2025 22:04

My manager had several staff requiring 1:1 if she scheduled them it would take ages much easier for each staff member to book in

Original poster

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 21:58

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/11/2025 21:51

No it’s being respectful of my time and letting me organise my week.

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That would be fair if they actually said “here are a few options, choose what works best for you.” But in my experience, it’s more of a blanket hand-off with no context or initiative. Respect for time goes both ways and good communication usually lands better than assumptions.

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Greggsit · 03/11/2025 21:58

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 21:50

It’s definitely not the biggest issue in the world. I just think small habits can reveal a lot about how someone operates as a manager. It’s rarely about the diary itself, more about attitude and respect for other people’s time.

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And he's respecting your time by allowing you to choose the best time for you. The vast majority of respondents think of it this way. Very few see it as negatively as you do.

ACR7 · 03/11/2025 21:56

I prefer it. I can then book a time with them that suits me rather than have a random time thrust upon me that doesn’t suit. Plus I do one wfh day a week so I can make sure it’s not that day.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/11/2025 21:51

ThisArtfulRobin · 03/11/2025 21:48

Delegation makes sense when it’s part of someone’s role or benefits the team. But asking someone to organise a meeting you personally requested isn’t leadership, it’s just pushing your own admin onto someone else. There’s a difference between delegating strategically and defaulting to it out of habit.

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No it’s being respectful of my time and letting me organise my week.

crappycrapcrap · 03/11/2025 21:50

I hate this - my managers diary is her own business it’s not for me to pick when she is free to read my report or meet with me. Just tell me a date like the olden days.