To think that good managers don’t ask colleagues to “look in my diary and book something?”

I am very glad I don’t manage you to be honest, sounds exhausting if you see a slight in everything.

Looks like there are two reasons people typically do this (the voting is clear, it’s super normal practice) - first is if the manager is crazy busy and juggling loads of responsibilities. It would be a waste of their time to faff around looking for time in your diary (and maybe 40 other diaries) when you are paid to be a delegate for things your boss doesn’t have time to do. Totally valid and fair -that’s the whole point of having an organisational structure.

The second category (which I fall into) is treating my team with respect and assuming they all have their own priorities and work life balance responsibilities that means they would appreciate the freedom to manage their own time. I only have a team of 11, and I do - mostly - know their schedules. But I don’t know all their preferences and I give them all a lot of freedom to manage their own time as long as they do their job. I don’t care if someone comes in at 9 or 930 but that would be annoying if I put in a meeting for the wrong slot. My team appreciate my flexibility and are happy to organise their time as they think best.

For what it’s worth, my boss falls into the first category. I put my own meetings in as he is super busy and I almost always need to juggle something in my own schedule to fit in with his but that’s my responsibility as his direct report.

Ironically, you trying to evidence that your superior is a poor manager with this example is highlighting that you might be a difficult member of the team. It sounds like you struggle with accepting positive criticism and that is much more an issue in the workplace than a manager delegating arranging a meeting.

Good managers have regular one to ones with their reportees so that additional time doesn't need to be found and their staff feel well supported. It's easier to cancel a regular meeting if there's nothing to discuss than it is to find time. And before anyone says "but I line manage 20 people", there's your problem. Nobody should be directly line managing more than a few people. People management is tough and time consuming.

I manage a team of 60 people who require 1:1 time with me. My calendar has my entire life in it - hours I'm working, meetings, which site I'm at, travel time blocked out when I'm moving between sites, annual leave, protected admin time, kids nativity, cats vet appointment etc.

I cannot have the back and forth tennis of "when are you free?" with 60 people. By giving them access to my calendar to put something in, it gives then the flexibility and convenience to pick a time around their own lives.

It also gives them some ownership. If something is in my calendar, I'll be there and 99% of the time, so will they, because if they need to make changes, they can do so without having to do the availability tennis again.

It takes each of those 60 people 2 minutes max to find a time in my calendar. Can you imagine how long it'd take me to do that 60x over?

Feedback is they love the autonomy 🤷

You’re not being unreasonable at all! It might seem like a small thing, but it really does say a lot about their management style. Good leaders respect other people’s time and take ownership of their own schedule it’s part of being organised and considerate. Constantly asking others to “just check my diary” feels lazy and dismissive, especially when they’re the ones requesting the meeting. It’s not standard practice, it’s just poor management habits dressed up as “being busy.”

I think this is ok. I have a very busy diary and when people want to arrange a meeting with me I do think they should do the leg work because if i offer a lot of different times i then have to keep all those times blocked off in my diary until they get back to me, which might be days later. It gets unmanageable. By asking you to look at the diary it removes the need to keep multiple times blocked off. It's different if i want to arrange the meeting though - then i would offer times.

Wrong good managers delegate. Which means at times outsourcing admin. I am not paid for admin tasks. I am paid for the ability to influence, and manage a team to deliver on our strategic objectives. That means making decisions, coaching, mentoring and ensuring ownership throughout my teams.

If a meeting content and output is not time sensitive, or a standard deliverable which includes one to ones that needs to be a fixed item then I dont book it.

If its something that needs my input, then my response is my calendar is up to date, put in time that works for you.

Do you know how many meetings I could be asked to book a month? Do you have any idea the time booking each of those meetings would equate to over a year?

It also is giving ownership of the schedule to the person the other person.

The OP probably doesn’t have a very busy calendar and nor does her boss.

where I work it’s really hard to find mutually convenient times less than a week ahead so it’s much easier to check the other person’s diary directly.

Yabu, this way is far better, the manager is giving far more flexibility to the other person and it’s far less faffy then going back and forward on dates.

You don’t have a busy calendar if this approach works for you.
My team book time if I ask them to. I book time with my bosses.
really not an issue - it’s hierarchy.

So a CEO’s time is well spend arranging her diary appointments?!

Honestly, the person who is the manager has way more calls on their time and more limited availability. Having done that role for a number of years, one of the best improvements was having admin support to organise meetings and my diary. It’s a complete waste of time for someone in a senior role to have to back and forth with meeting organisation.

I think it must be the modern way.
When I was working in a senior capacity, I would expect to book meetings.
If the staff were to have 1to1s or appraisals or something, I'd give a list of times I'd set aside for such meetings and ask staff members to indicate which ones suited them.
If it was something specific, or a staff member wanted to meet to discuss a problem, I would offer a time which fitted in best with my diary...possibly a couple of options. My diary, my management of it. I never had a PA and liked to keep a proper balance of my working time, hence I didn't care for random meetings to be inserted by others.
Each to their own though.

I do this all the time - it gives people the chance to book a meeting when is most convenient. And it stops the back and forth of 'oh I can't do Y, how about X.'

I'm quite glad I don't work with you. You must be so draining to manage.

... the fact OP is digging her heels in about this makes me very grateful I am not her manager.

Yabu. You want a meeting with me, you book it. I’ll decide if I can accept it.

This is the oddest thing I’ve seen in ages. I work in a massive organisation where people manage to moan about everything. No one has ever moaned about this.

I think this thread is pretty conclusive, the OPs idea of what characteristics matter in a great manager are fairly niche.

I have 20 meetings this week, most are an hour long, some two, handful are 30 mins. Some need prep time, or follow up. If I’m speaking to a member of my team (who don’t have the same volume of meetings) sometimes it will be much more time efficient for them to look in my diary and book something than for me to try to find time to do it in the small gaps around the meetings - more likely than not I don’t get a chance to think about it until late on Friday afternoon by which time next week is already filling up.

That wouldn't work in a lot of case though.

Say my manager needs to have 1:1 meetings with 6 different people over the space of a fortnight.

They can say in a Team meeting, or send an e-mail to say 'Can you all please look on the calendar book yourselves an hour when suits you' - which everyone can then do. You can do it immediately if you have more restrictions on when you can meet, or at your leisure if you can be pretty flexible.

However, if the Manager follows your thinking, and says to you "I can offer you Tues at 9am or 2.30 or Thurs at 10.45" they then have to wait for you to come back and choose one, they can't then offer those slots to anyone else. Potentially you are doing a different part of your job and don't reply until the next day, then they would have to start the same procedure all over again.
Or, if they did offer those 3 slots to 3 team members, then you'd be furious if you chose 2.30 on Tues but then found Jane from accounts had replied sooner and taken that slot.

I don't understand why you are still arguing this.
88% of people have voted YABU, and lots of people have explained why.

It is unclear why you have asked AIBU?, when you aren't prepared to accept that you clearly are.

Anyone else wondering what kind of meeting OP’s manager wants with her, given her readiness to die on this completely weird hill?

But what more clarity do you need? “Can you put a time in my diary to discuss the consultation we’re working on” is pretty clear, so is “my diary is up to day so find a time that works for you”. I generally have a very collaborative relationship with my manager, who is very proactive but also has way more plates spinning than I do, putting a time in her diary isn’t something I give a second thought to.

You say that, but you’re still arguing as opposed to accepting YABU.

87% now, by the way.

I prefer it. Yes they could look in my diary and find a slot but I have preferences about when meetings go. If I don't want it to run over I can book it directly before another meeting, if I want extra time for a chat about something else after I can book the first half of the hour slot they have rather than the second.
Obviously if they put it in I'll accept unless there's a good reason but my work day is better if I can choose when I have meetings and when I have some time to actually get on with some work.

I always do this…mainly because I want the person to pick a time that’s convenient for them and when they’ve had enough time to prepare rather than me inflicting a time on them. My team seem to prefer it.

if it’s something urgent or something where the timing is important, I will set it up myself at a time that works for whatever the deadline is etc.

Yes this would drive me mad now. In fact this whole thread has made me so pleased I'm self employed now as it reminds me too much of working in the public sector 😂
There's something I can't put my finger on in OP's writing style which is a bit bullshit bingo (do people still say that) too, I'm afraid